2
Opinions Thu, 28 Sep 2017

Handling detractors in your life (Part One)

In pursuing your dreams in any facet of life, one thing that one would surely meet is detraction. In fact, detraction is part of the narrow path of progress and success hence it is a path that needs an extreme care, perseverance, resilience, commitment and effective practical strategy.

Detraction is from a Latin word "detrahere" which literally means "to take away"

According to Catholic Encyclopedia, "destruction is the unjust damaging of another's good name by revelation of some fault or crime of which that other is really guilty or at any rate is seriously believed to be guilty by the defamer."

In my understanding, detraction is a deliberate attempt by an individual or group to make you loose focus on whatever you engage in that can deliver you an enviable success, reputation or progress. These people are very committed as from time to time orchestrate diabolic plans that can ruin your future completely.

The ultimate aim is to let you fail or better still truncate your plans or progress. Detractors are not people who exist somewhere in the mars. They are the very people we live with, our siblings, sometimes parents, friends and colleague workers. Detractors are not different from witches and wizards in our society.

Can you see how dangerous and destructive they could be?

If you know how to deal with your detractors, then you would always be focused on your vision. It is however extremely difficult to determine all your detractors but little things can guide you to stay off the hook of their evil machinations.

Indeed, many, especially the youth have had their plans in life truncated perhaps because detractors have succeeded eroding their confidence and positive self-image.

I ever interacted with a friend who is a Senior High School graduate and had a dream of becoming a professionally trained teacher. His dream became a mirage after his girlfriend on countless occasions said unpalatable things about the teaching profession. The persistence of this impotent and callously prejudiced attitude for the teaching profession by the girlfriend discouraged this young man from chasing his dream and as we speak, he continues to apply to Health Institutions every year to become a nurse. Currently, his girlfriend has left him for reasons he has not disclosed to me but it is obvious that it could be the inability of the young man to continue his education. The logic I'm drumming home is that detractors come in many forms and could be any person you have so much love and respect for.

Detractors are serious people, they don't give up till they achieve their agenda. This implies that you need to be extremely serious to outwit them. Can you imagine how your own love can be that destructive? Hihihihi it is serious!!

Below are few suggested ways I think can help you in handling detractors.

You must, as a matter of fact, know how to identify them in your life. In life, relationship is very key in attaining our aspirations but we need to be careful of who we listen to. Friends, loved ones or relatives may offer you alternatives and criticisms to help you improve but when somebody is consistent in pointing out only your negative aspects and never appreciates your overall personality, the person could be a serious detractor in your life. Though it is in place for people to point out your weakness, they should use them to encourage and inspire you and not to doom monger. Such people are unrealistic and unappreciative of your wellbeing. They are naysayers. They can't help you!

Also, you must have your own strategy and philosophy. You may belong to a family, a group that has a strategy or philosophy but you personally need to have a personal strategy that can keep you focus. I have always insisted that "the best strategy in life is to have a strategy"

You must have it that any aspect of your life can be influenced, but not your personal philosophy. Your personal philosophy would guide your vision, future and dreams and that offer you what strategies you need, to pursue your dream. Compromising your own philosophy makes you too cheap in the eyes of detractors who would certainly feed on that weakness to your detriment.

According to Leo Babauta(2005), "sometimes the detractor is someone you cannot ignore." In such situations, you need to embrace them and manipulate them within your capabilities to enable them see the essence of your actions rather than fighting them. A convinced potential detractor is always an ally. Your ability to convince them with your philosophy makes you conquer them and make them almost absolutely harmless in your life.

Furthermore, exercise joy in following your passion. You never have to demonstrate your frustration to people, that becomes a standpoint for manipulation by detractors. In fact, detractors gain satisfaction when they notice frustration. You need more emotional intelligence through constant consciousness in portraying yourself to the outside world no matter the situation. A simple glamorous smile is always a threat to detractors.

Conclusively, you must know that your future depends on how you pursue your dream. Chasing a dream is like crossing a deep river. A small mistake can let you falter. You must always be in a position to do self-appraisals, pick up signals of detractors and rise to every occasion timely with alacrity.
Columnist: Denis Andaban