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Pastor’s side chick

Mawuli Zogbenu1.jpeg Mawuli Zogbenu is the author

Sat, 5 Feb 2022 Source: Mawuli Zogbenu

I’d backslidden last year after many years of a clean morally upright life. Some bad friends influenced me again. Eeei, Angela of Adenta came to mind when I wanted to celebrate bronya last year with enjoyment. Coincidentally, she also had me in mind as a substitute.

Someone disappointed her and she needed to fill in the space; I needed to fill in the space too bcos I deliberately provoked Ablavi to get angry so she does not make any demand for any Xmas eyi.

I like Ablavi because she is a good person. Akuwa of Sakaman sent a message wishing me Merry Xmas. She prefers teddy bears as Xmas gift. Angela prefers eye phone. For Ablavi, anything goes. Give her roasted plantain and she would love you forever – very modest.

The good thing about her is that she is the only lady in my life who surprises me with momo usually ten Ghana cedis or 15 Ghana cedis as my birthday gift. The rest? Tweaa…’all you see is ‘I am just checking up on you’. It’s a scam!

I became the most confused man in December. I reached the guest house before Angela did. The rooms were fully booked. Ei, the fact that the place was fully booked gave me some moral justification that, after all ‘everybody is doing it’.

Why are so many people so immoral, I bemoaned; only reminding myself that I was not a saint. Surprisingly, not a single vehicle could be seen on the premises of the guest house and the vehicle owners were nowhere to be found either.

It was unlike some movie houses where as soon as you park your car, they cover it against only God knows what! Driving out to pick Angela at a particular junction, I saw more than 15 cars sparingly hiding around a thousand miles away from the guest house.

When I got there, I spoke with the ‘boy’. Oh yes, most guesthouses have at least one young boy. He assured me 2 rooms were going to be available in 25 minutes.

I picked Angie up. I managed to wait in a distance of about 200 meters away awaiting ‘emptying’ of the rooms. I didn’t want anybody to see me around as holy as I had always presented myself. I called ‘the boy’. His response was that even though 2 rooms were ready for ‘takeover’, the occupants paid for an extension. Haaba!

Eventually, Angie and I checked in at about 9:12 pm. She was in the mood and got me into it. I reluctantly said the ‘opening’ prayer, protected. The second ‘session’ required some deliverance because it looks like my age was taking a toll on me. I started telling stories she would not listen to.

One of such stories nearly got me slapped by her – I was repeatedly asking just to fill in the space so I can be ‘restored’ bcos ‘time heals’. Worst of all, before I could bring out the rubber to eyi, Angie held and forced my own distin into her and did it ‘just like that’ with ‘no helmet’ and in no time, ‘I became fine’! I didn’t think twice because it was sweeter. Then I started thinking. ‘What if…’! Immediately I realized how much chance I stood at getting infected with HIV or what if she got pregnant!

Ei guys be warned o; nowadays some of the single ones are no longer interested in ‘clearing’ o. Because of extensive education; they would born for you and no DNA test would exonerate you! This time if you make a mistake, you can promise them heaven, they would still keep it and that is when you see a lot of men confused driving ‘by hat’ in town in anger caused by themselves.

It can be a real mental torture if a side Chic is determined to born for you. Not me oo, I said some men la. Hahaaa! They go born give you make you daze. That is if you are lucky. If you are not and the test proves positive for something else, hmmm, don’t worry. You can manage! After all, everybody has HIV – except that some are positive and some are negative!

If the thoughts of an HIV test comes to mind and you miss a heartbeat p3, that is an indication that the slightest mistake can get you there! AIDS is real. Don’t wait till when you get that big job that requires you to do the test; it might be fully blown by then.

I will not advise you to abstain bcos you won’t but use condom when doing it! Like I would advise, if you can’t get condom, improvise with poIythene bag in order to save generations. If one transfers the dreaded disease to his or her spouse, the future of the children is doomed!

The ‘thing’ is there o. I often think that it is not bcos condoms are inaccessible and unaffordable which is giving rise to the infections o; but it is bcos sometimes one has the condoms alright but looks at the ‘meat’ and says as for this one di33333 it is better eaten ‘uncooked’ than cooked. You cannot tell whether the ‘thing’ is in it o. Remember sin fascinates and assassinates! AIDS is real.

Only God we pray to support us in praying and guiding the new generation. Me kraaa where do I go to Church? I don’t even know. Don’t forget I was once a Pentecost member wai, courtesy a certain lady bi. I stopped going to that church when she refused to give in to my immoral advances. Later I started attending another church where some of the ladies were a bit ‘considerate’.

Even that one, I stopped after the eyi and now I don’t even know where I belong! It’s been about 21 years now and any time I see that Pencost lady who is married now, I have so much respect for her. She refused me when she was single and a young lady because of her strong training and discipline at home, maybe. Her morality level is about 1000%.

Some of those who gave in di3333, abeg, let me walk past because they had been ‘generous’ to me. We guys are bad o. If a lady is ‘generous’ so easily…hmmm! Be guided, some of my young lady friends!

While wishing you the best of the weekend and reminding about the fact that ‘sin fascinates and assassinates’, I want to ask o: where in this abstract have you read anything about a pastor’s side chic? He is holy and can never do an unholy thing like that. Amen?

Columnist: Mawuli Zogbenu