Opinions Tue, 12 Jan 2021

Skirt vs blouse (Round 1)

MME. SKIRT: You're occupying my seat!

M'SELLE BLOUSE: We have not been allocated seats yet, have we?

S: You're a newcomer and you're teaching me an old hand the Rules of the House?

B: Anyone can read the Rules of the House!

S: [Hands on waist, looking aggressive) Eh? What did you say? Can you repeat that?

B: [Hands clasped together defiantly) Well, you don't expect me, who has just won the election as a prospective lawmaker, to not acquaint myself with the Rules?

S: Hmm? What an argumentative lot you new guys appear to be! Listen, in here, there are both written Rules and Respected Conventions.

B: Oh? Is that so? Well, that may have happened in the days of The Single Gown! But in this Skirt and Blouse era, we shall do things according to the book. If you object to my sitting here, wait until our Majority and Minority Caucus Leaders officially decide on the issue. Then when you have a complaint to make, you can take it to the leader of your Caucus! Ok?

S: If we have to have a round-table conference every time someone insists on going to the toilet first, and is then threatened with fisticuffs, when can we conduct proper business?

B: Are you not the ones who insisted that everything should be decided in court?

S: In doing that, were we not following your precedent?


3RD MEMBER: Sir, if we don't take care, our mooted co-habitation system, based on an Agreed Consensus....?

PARTY LEADER: Exactly!... Many of our members cannot even agree on where to sit? And we are going to bring up contentious issues for them to agree to? !

3DM: I swear! Just think of the Budget... or the Ministerial vetting or confirmation hearings....

PL: The allowances of Members of Parliament....

3DM: Car loans....

PL: 3DM: Who would be Acting President should (and I say this with my mouth “inside the rubbish heap”!) both the President and the Vice-President be stricken with, say, Covid-19?

PL: We need to work out an agreement pronto! With a fine tooth's comb.

3DM: Even if we succeed, who will interpret the agreement for us if one of the signatories breaks it? Especially as....

BOTH: … We are both awaiting the resolution of major issues by the Supreme Court?


MME. SKIRT: (SHHHH!) Did you hear what I just heard? Please come and take the seat! If we ALL don't take care and co-operate, we won't be able to earn even one month's salary before they dissolve the House and turn us loose on the electorate again.

M'LLE. BLOUSE: No! YOU take the seat! Who has the money to go and carry out another election campaign? My mortgage repayment will become due on the 20th. If I.....

MME. SKIRT: You too? These mortgage agreements look so sweet when you're signing them: y'know, brand new house, all kitchen equipment capitalised; pay nothing until the direct debit mandate becomes operational. But just experience an unexpected calamity and allow the direct debit to go unpaid. First your bank charges you for not having enough funds to cover the direct debit!! And then the mortgage company writes politely to warn you in menacing terms that if it remains unpaid for another month, the interest rate will be hiked and an additional sum will also be added to what you owe and then if it reaches a certain point, they will send you an adviser and charge you for doing that! But he will only tell you that you will be thrown out of the house and if they put it on the market and it doesn't fetch the amount you borrowed plus the “conveyancing expenses”, you will be sued for the difference and...

B: YIEEEE? Does the mortgage agreement say all that?

S: You didn't read the document before signing it?

B: Well, the Terms and Conditions were so lengthy..... I just glanced through it and winked at my lawyer, hoping he would wink back if there was anything wrong with it. When he didn't wink back, I assumed everything was all right and I signed it!

S: I nearly made the same mistake myself. But I had been warned that one has to be careful about such things. Because lawyers always win – if you sue someone, they charge you! And if someone else sues you, they again charge you...

B: I wish the leaders of the House would reach the Cohabitation Agreement quickly!

S: I am ready to offer them my skirt if it will save the situation!

B; Ho! Your skirt isn't as tempting as my Blouse, is it? With my Blouse, they can pretend to be dotting the “i's” or crossing the “t's” before they even think of your Skirt....!

S: Ho! Toying with the Blouse without getting down to the Skirt for “The Real Business” is called “teasing”, isn't it?


Columnist: Cameron Duodo