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Useless Column: 'Fathers’ Forgiveness Day'

Mawuli Zogbenu   Opinion.jpeg The Author, Mawuli Zogbenu

Sat, 12 Jun 2021 Source: Mawuli Zogbenu

How long ago did it take you to realise that Fathers’ Day is just in the corner? Me sef, I didn’t know oo. Have you also realized that the guys who play instruments in church don’t pay their offertory and tithes?

Nonetheless they play their roles in various forms. You think playing instruments is easy er.

Hmmm! That’s what some people do to fathers giving society the opportunity to insult us instead of praising us as great fathers! Up till now, my children don’t know the fact that I am the one who pays their school fees.

It’s all because it is their mother who goes to the school to do the payment from my pocket! So the children may probably start seeing me as just ‘one of those things’ and some mothers have a way of winning their children to their side when growing up.

Do you remember that story I told you before regarding my days at the Primary School? No! Ehern, I witnessed an encounter between my senior brother, Abram and my father. My brother was openly furious with the old boy because he caught him, my father, with another woman lover in some corner bi and decided to advise him later against such ‘ungodly acts’.

The good news was that my mum had no idea about anything being done behind her. In reaction, the old boy didn’t say anything other than telling my brother: ‘Who no grow, go grow’.

My brother grew up into an adult and got married too. At some point, I went to catch him somewhere with another lady in a compromising position. The following dawn, I called him, politely advising him against such ‘ungodly acts’ because he has to remain faithful to ONLY his wife according to the Bible.

Wey kan Bible? In a similar fashion, my brother didn’t say anything but only said to me: ‘Who no grow, go grow’ and walked away. Hmmm! It is easier to see the fault in others when you have not been confronted with certain realities at a certain stage in your life o.

Now I am also grown and married. The good news is that my children are not old enough to start ‘catching and advising me against any such ‘ungodly acts’ and to tell me to tell them ‘who no grow, go grow. Hahahahaha!

Indeed Sin fascinates and assassinates! There is nothing really in extra marital affairs apart from 2-minutes of useless enjoyment, ours and days of stress, money-wasting, time-wasting and possible lifetime deadly diseases.

The other one that can give sleepless nights for the rest of one’s life because it has the potential to break one’s family apart is going ahead to make another woman pregnant and introduce her to your wife as ‘a mistake’.

That is why I think it is advisable for every man to cheat at least once. Nobody will advise him to slow down; please remember, I didn’t say ‘stop’ o; I said ‘slow down’! Ajeei! Men, we will kill ourselves yet blame it on women that women will kill us! If there is no demand, certainly there would be no supply.

This ’useless’ abstract is just to let you know why fathers’ days are not given much attention. Some years back, I was living in a chamber and hall apartment next to my landlord’s master bedroom. The architecture of the house is such that before I entered my room, my landlord’s entire family will surely see me entering so it was almost impossible to ‘import anything’ to the house without them seeing ‘the goods’ because they know my then fiancée. We lived like a family. The man was an extremely principled person who some people thought was ‘wicked’ but he was not. He was my friend and like a father to me.

Then my partner traveled to school. It was a fine opportunity to ‘fill in the gap’. Occasionally ‘they’ would come late in the night when everyone in the house including my landlord was asleep. Landlord was a bit suspicious because my room was the closest to where he and his wife slept and so occasionally could hear sounds of ‘kpluya kpluya kpluya’ coming from my room knowing very well I was alone in the room. I am sure at some point, my landlord thought I had been charming until he saw one fat lady with her small handbag walking fast fast to pick a taxi; she came out of my room. I got to know when I heard him laughing in through the window to his room. That was when I realized that my modus operandi has been exposed! By dawn, the ‘thief’ would have sneaked out and when we all wake up in the morning, my landlord and his wife would be looking at me some kan way as if to interrogate me on the ‘kpluya kpluya kpluya’ sounds the previous night!

I kept ‘importing’ so long as my wife-to-be was not in town. Tall, short, fat, slim, beautiful, ugly face but big back, I ‘imported’ them all. Majority were for ‘useless’ fun but a few thought once I wasn’t married yet, they had a chance! Chance for where? Fati no go gree o, hahahaha!

I remember before renting the room the original colour of the paint in the bedroom was pink and I changed it to blue before occupying. After a while, I realized that the footprints on the left wall by the bed had footprints of different sizes exposing the original colour pink especially the left feet of the different girls I ‘imported’. Apparently when the gers came in, they rested their feet on the wall as their feet were peeling the blue paint and exposing the original pink paint.

Then there was an entertainment programme at the Conference Centre organized by my favourite radio station. I’d arranged with Ayeshetu after which we’d come home and ‘fall asleep’; it was going to be sweet o, hahahaha! Ayeshetu was a neighbor, very soft and bordorrrr and well known in my area. When we closed from the show and got closer home and about entering my room at about 2:20am, I honestly knew it was safe and I could go straight into the room with Ayeshetu because my landlord and his family were expected to be sound asleep by then.

No oo! As fate would have it, just upon reaching home, I realized everybody was at home around that time sitting very close to my door chatting. Ebei! At this time? I played smart. I asked Ayeshetu to ‘reverse’ and go and wait for me behind the house and when I confirm they have gone to sleep she can stealthily sneak in and what can come can come!

As to why they were still awake, it was because of a snake they claimed they saw in the living room and tried to kill it without success. It was getting to 3:13am and my people were still outside la. I convinced them to go and sleep because snakes don’t normally bite ‘by hat’ so they should go and sleep and nothing would happen but still...

Ayeshetu was waiting outside in the cold weather. I kept calling her undertone: ‘Aish’ ‘Aish! Aish! to assure her the people would go and sleep soon so she could come in. Finally, around 3:54am, they went back to their rooms to sleep. Thank God Ayeshetu could come in now. I called her phone – switched off! Alla!

I came out walking around the back of the house and there she was lying down by the hedges sound asleep with phone on low battery and mosquitoes having a field day on her. Ao! I was filled with guilt!Your ears sweet you o. You want to hear the rest? You lie bad! Hahahahaha!

With all the above sins, why wouldn’t Mothers’ Day be sweeter and celebrated in a grander style than Fathers’ Day! As Fathers’ Day approaches, all you hear people saying on radio is that: ‘The way my father didn’t take care of my mother and us er, God forgive him’. On the contrary, however, you would find such people wishing people who were NOT their biological fathers well for mentoring and supporting them in life. Fathers, we can only do our best; all things being equal, we will die before our wives and they together with our children would be left to enjoy and insult us asking for God’s forgiveness for our souls anyway. ‘Forgive your father’, ‘Forgive your father’! Fathers? Good? In the eyes of society? Only God!

Have a nice weekend and remember not to be angry with anyone who promises to call you back and fails to do so; mostly it is not deliberate because there are too many things seeking attention from people nowadays!

Columnist: Mawuli Zogbenu