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'When you are weak, you are weak'

Mawuli Zogbenu1.jpeg Mawuli Zogbenu is the author

Fri, 28 Jan 2022 Source: Mawuli Zogbenu

The Bible says ‘let the weak say ‘I am strong’. You naaa you know that you are weak o but just by saying: ‘I am strong’, before you know it, you are actually strong again. Halleluya! But unfortunately, this did not work for me in a special place of interest o. I will share with you what happened at the end of this abstract next week; no worries.

When you see a man coming out of a lady’s room in the afternoon and he is holding half a bottle of water in his right hand and he is pouring the water on his left fingers with the water, please feel free to draw conclusions wae. It just could be what your mind is telling you. Don’t assume anything else. He was probably so ‘close’ but time did not permit him and he’d had to abandon the ‘project’, midway!

Or he has done it in a hurry. My friend, Mr Atu Awam-Biscuit, please stop assuming what I am assuming o because I read in an unknown book that ‘assumptions are the most lethargic form of human intelligence. For all, you know the man just wants to stick to Covid-19 safety protocols by washing his hands after coming out of the lady’s room ‘without’ soap under running water! Hahahahahahaha! Assumptions no good o.

Sadey, if you know you have a problem, don’t go asking to marry a woman who is good in bed. You will have more problem. They say 50% of men are impotent. wahala dey! Those of us after age 40 have started some self-evaluation to be sure we are fine thank you and you! The strategy we use is similar to what we do when we want to be sure our mouth is not smelling by first clinching our fists into a fist-pot to catch the breath, smell it on the quiet and then proceed. Momoni mouth no scare you before er? Go ahead! Hahaaaaa!

I disgraced myself nearly two years ago when the borders were opened for my mother-in-law’s daughter to return from her quarantine. I missed her so much and midway through the ‘distin’, I went ‘half clutch’. Surprised at what was happening and panting heavily, I pleaded with her and asking her questions that didn’t concern me in any way. For example, who was the first person to eat gari and beans with fried red plantain in Ghana? All of these in the bid to buy time. Just when I was about regaining ‘consciousness’, she was talking talking and before I knew it, the ‘thing’ dropped again as it ‘bowed down’, provoked.

You know at this point you have to psychologically and mentally position yourself in such a way that it does not drop while you keep praying and praying and praying with the hope that the Biblical ‘let the weak say I am strong’ faith will work. My brother, as for this one di333, if you are weak, you are weak. The slightest disruption can cause a ‘downfall’ again! Here, if you are unable to ‘join the train’, she will dress up, chuckle in dissatisfaction and go and bath. I never understood this erectile this thing till at this age of 46!

But wait o. Impotence is different from erectile dysfunction though used interchangeably sometimes. Let’s not mix the two as if mixing Viaggra with aggrada bitters. Each one has a ‘purpose’ and can be very depressing when combined. Whereas the term ‘impotence’ describes the problems that interfere with sexual intercourse [among married people ONLY] and the likely inability to impregnate, erectile dysfunction is more specific to a man’s inability to achieve or maintain an erection. Finish!

It’s a serious ‘congenital pandemic’ that comes with age, lifestyle and abuse of common over the counter medications and akpeteshie, in my opinion. Too much meat and sugar together with lack of exercising are some of the suspects. Abeg, when you know your problem and you are doing the thing and you get the slightest chance, just pour that thing, wear your trousers and go and rest somewhere; it’s more dignifying like that than to say you want to impress only to lose the strength to continue and not come kraaaa.

My friend, just do ‘pampampam’ and then ‘piaaaa’ and go and rest! No bi your fault; it’s age wahala! Weytin concern me with under two minutes when three minutes can fail me in totality! Remember we are no longer 25 years!

Any man who comes to boast of how well he ‘punished’ that lady probably didn’t do anything. Listen to them carefully. They often say so to prove how strong they are in bed but nothing for them. ‘I know myself’ kind of reality inside men. No negotiations. Just believe that an estimated 50% of men are weak down there and that you are not one of them. Just pretend and you will be fine. Self-denial and don’t lose hope. Don’t worry about it; after all, worrying won’t change anything. Korr! Make I hear something. If you are growing, things change and accept them like that and try and change your lifestyle. Ah!

If you reach a certain age and have to sing useless songs just to buy time in pleasing your wife, you will understand me better. Asking unnecessary questions such as ‘did Kwame Nkruma wear face mask?’ abeg, it’s none of your business. Go ahead and do your house conjugal duties, man. Don’t try herbal aphrodisiacs, concoctions o; you will regret. Those things quench fire in the long run.

When the ‘thing’ is overused and you refuse to exercise and don’t eat well, what do you expect? Na im make 50% of men win awards in this category. Stay quiet and rest! You are not alone, Bra! We plenteyyyy! Hahahahaaaa!

Can you still call your eyi ‘private parts’ again if you have used it on more than one woman? Is it not ‘public parts’? Who do you think you are deceiving, Bedu? Go on, have unprotected sex in secret. Two things – an unwanted pregnancy which may not even be yours becomes yours or ‘HIV’.

It’s Friday and I make happy roff bcos finally January will end on Monday but still between now and Monday is very long as far as the month of January is concerned.

The painful thing is that when you as a person dies as a result of carelessness in respect of your lifestyle, you don’t lose anything but the people who depend on you for survival! Go ahead, drive without helmet oo sorry without seatbelt and [God forbid] when the unfortunate happens, don’t call me again because I told you oo, yooo! Bedroom, you drive slowly and on the road, you drive as if you are a formula 1 driver…that is double standard life o, Mr. Ataku!

If you are part of the 50%, then you are ‘important’ in the scheme of things. Come let’s celebrate. Hahaaaa!

Happy weekend to us all and remember that there is no amount of water from land that the sea cannot accommodate! Problem no dey finish! Don’t think about it; just swim in the lagoon! My Brother, e hard o; no! E no ‘hard’; it’s ‘weak’! What is weak” Hahaaa!

Columnist: Mawuli Zogbenu