Couples
Before you get married it may feel like there are about a million different things to think about. In fact, you may have been thinking about most of them ever since you were a little girl and dreaming about meeting ‘Mr Right’ one day.
And now that you actually have met the most amazing guy in the world, and you’re about to get married – you’re wondering, “What were all those things I should be thinking about before the Big Day arrives?” It’s easy to get caught up with the nitty gritty details of organizing the wedding day, but put all that aside for a while and take a few moments to reflect on these seven tips which you could find helpful in your pre-marriage relationship.
1. First learn to live alone
Are you still living at home with your parents? It might be an idea to rent an apartment for a while, or share with a friend, just so you can experience what it feels like to be autonomous and independent. Learning to stand on your own two feet is a great stride towards maturity and can help you to be prepared for marriage one day because you know firsthand what it takes to keep a household functioning on a daily basis. Also, when you do get to share a home with your spouse you will be able to appreciate all of his input and contributions. Learning to live alone is not only beneficial in a practical sense, but also emotionally and psychologically. If you know that you can be complete and functional by yourself, you will be more mature and ready to approach marriage from a perspective of giving rather than taking and needing.
2. Have your finances in order
There’s nothing worse than going into marriage with a whole pile of debt – and it’s also unfair on your future husband. So do whatever it takes to clear all your outstanding credit, and you will feel much better for it, for yourself and for your marriage. It is well known that finances are one of the biggest causes of friction in marriages. So make sure that your pre-marriage relationship includes some deep conversations about money matters. Find out how your future husband handles his money – is he a saver or a spender, and what financial goals does he have? Talk about whether you will keep separate accounts or pool all your finances, and who will pay for what once you are married.
3. Discuss your expectations for children
If you are planning to get married, one of the essential topics you need to cover with your future husband concerns the matter of having children. Do you both want children, and if so, how many? When would you like to start a family? When you have children, how will your relationship change, and how will you go about teaching and disciplining your children? Which faith or belief system will you teach your children in your home? What kind of schools would you like your children to attend? These are some of the things it is good to think through together before you tie the knot. If not, you may be dismayed to discover after your wedding day that the little ones you have been looking forward to are not part of your new husband’s ‘ideal picture’ at all.
4. Learn from observing his background
It is good to get to know as much as you can about your future husband’s family background while you are still dating. Observe what kind of relationship he has with his father. Does he admire his father and seek to follow in his footsteps, or maybe try to be a better person than his father was. And how does he relate to his mother? Does he treat her with respect and love, both in her presence and when speaking about her in her absence? Is there any kind of abuse or addictions in the family? If so, it might be advisable to seek some counselling before entering into a marriage relationship, as the effects of childhood abuse and trauma can be far reaching unless thoroughly dealt with.
5. Make sure you have the same values and ideals
When you decide to get married and share the rest of your life with someone, it really helps a lot if you have the same values and ideals. Take time to talk about everything that is important to you, and everything you are hoping and dreaming about. The more important things you can talk about in your pre-marriage relationship, the less unpleasant surprises you may experience after the wedding day. If you have made certain that you are on the same page when it comes to values and ideals, then you will have the peace of mind to know that no matter how much you argue, it will never be about anything serious.
6. Be patient and forgiving
Of course every marriage is bound to have its ups and downs, and sooner or later you may find your beloved husband is getting on your nerves. This is where you need to develop your patience quotient to the max. Don’t snap his head off and expect him to bounce back unscathed. Rather choose to give a gentle answer and talk things through calmly. Learn how to forgive and ask forgiveness sooner rather than later. That means dealing openly and transparently with stuff that happens and then learning from it and letting it go. Use past mistakes to help you do better next time, and don’t bring up the old messes again.
7. Be his best fan – but have your own goals too
Every man wants his woman to be his best fan – but she must also be her own person too. Don’t let your personality and your needs and wants become so absorbed into his life that you lose your unique sparkle. Be supportive of your partner and he will do the same for you. Whether it’s starting a new career or pursuing a lifelong dream, marriage is all about being there for each other and helping each other to reach your mutual and individual goals. If you both keep growing in your personal lives, your marriage relationship will also grow and blossom.
