Dear GhanaWeb: My male best friend wants me to divorce my husband
Dear GhanaWeb,
Two years into my marriage, my husband and I had a serious argument. In the heat of it, he told me that if I couldn't respect him, I should leave his house. I don't think he realized what those words did to me.
I went home that day and made a decision: I would build my own house. Not because I wanted to leave my husband, but because I never wanted to hear those words and feel completely helpless again.
I started putting money into a two-bedroom apartment with my own earnings. I also stopped providing financially at home and left most of the responsibilities to my husband. I even lied to him that our company had stopped paying us because of some missing money and that our salaries were being withheld for two years, otherwise, we could face jail.
I produced fake documents to make the story believable. He believed me and instead of suspecting anything, he started giving me money to help me cope. The truth is, some of that money went into my building.
When I eventually ran out of money after buying the land and starting construction, a male friend of mine stepped in. We worked together, and over time he became my best friend. He helped me financially, but there was a price attached to some of that help. We started having a small affair.
To me, it was never a serious relationship. I didn't see him as someone I wanted to build a future with. I saw him as my friend, my helper and, unfortunately, someone I crossed a boundary with.
Three years later, the house is almost finished. And now the problem I was trying to protect myself from has become the problem I never expected. My best friend wants more.
He keeps telling me to divorce my husband, move into the house and start a life with him. He reminds me of everything he has done for me and makes me feel like, because he supported me, I owe him a relationship.
But I don't want to divorce my husband. My husband hasn't abused me or done anything that makes me feel I should escape my marriage. In fact, he has been supportive in many ways. I can honestly say that, directly or indirectly, he has contributed about 30% toward this house because of the money I got from him through my lies.
For the past four years, I've been on family planning without my husband's knowledge. I wanted to concentrate on building this house. I knew that if I became pregnant, my best friend might stop supporting me because he wouldn't be happy about it. So I pretended that I couldn't get pregnant.
My husband has been worried about our inability to have another child. Now that the house is almost ready, I feel like it's time to stop pretending. I want us to have another baby.
But my best friend is becoming increasingly unhappy with me. He has started giving me attitude because I won't consider divorcing my husband.
The uncomfortable part is that I still need some financial help from him to furnish the house.
I don't want to lose my marriage. I don't want to move in with my best friend. I built this house so I would have somewhere to go if my husband ever told me to leave. I never imagined that the person who helped me build my escape route would eventually want me to use it with him.
How do I get out of this situation without losing my marriage, my friendship, and everything I've worked so hard to build? I need your suggestions, please.
FG/EB
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