Speech to Newly-Married Couple

Speech to Newly-Married Couple-Mundia Munalula & Thelma Yaya Ativor on 27th July 2014 at ZAF Officers’ Mess, Chamba Valley, Lusaka

Keywords: Trust, Surrender, Fidelity, Communication, Patience, Longsuffering, Sharing, Support, Caring, Love, Diligence

Biblical Anecdotes: Adam and Eve, Dinah and Brothers, Lot and wife, Miracle at Cana Wedding, Man as head of family.

The Guest of Honour, the newly-wedded couple, the MC, Ladies and Gentlemen,

It is my greatest pleasure to be speaking on behalf of the Ghanaian community in Zambia at this colourful wedding. Yesterday, Saturday, I was at this same venue to witness another blissful wedding between Abigail Assilidjoeh and Mwawa Silupumbwe, another tying of the knot between a Ghanaian and a Zambian. These international weddings go a long way to concretise the solidarity between Ghana and Zambia, and to enliven the vision of our founding fathers of the African Union, formerly the OAU. Long live the AU, Long live the fraternal bond between Ghana and Zambia.

It is sometimes very dicey and preposterous to counsel married couples because no two marriages are the same, as each marriage is unique. Marriage is a sacred institution made in heaven but implemented and consummated on earth to the glory of God. We all are familiar with the biblical story of creation and Adam in Genesis 2:18-24), how God saw man to be lonely, caused him to fall into a deep sleep, and fashioned woman from one of his ribs, to which when he awoke and saw her, said, this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. This should make you realise that you the couple here are now one flesh and as such, you should never do anything which will injure, hurt or cause pain to each other. You should have empathy.

You should consider your ways and be wise as the ant, says the holy tome in Proverbs. In Genesis1: 1-26, we learn the lesson of temptation which teaches the man to be responsible and not to pass the buck or shift blame. Both of you should plan together and consult each other in all matters.

Genesis 19: 1-29 tells the story of Lot and the people of Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot’s wife looked back when they were fleeing from the condemned cities. She turned into a pillar of salt because she was full of greed and lust, and disobeyed God’s commandment not to look back. She was materialistic and she rued the loss of her property. The moral lesson for you here is not to look back on your past life because the past is gone. You are on a new page today on which you must write your script together. Another lesson for you in this moral is not to be lustful and materialist like Lot’s wife, but to be obedient and less materialistic. Obey the Lord’s word always and practise it always for your blessings. Seek His guidance in all your endeavours.

This requires 24/7 continuous communication with God, and 3600 all-channel flow of communication with each other, namely, body language, gestures, sign language, silent communication, sms, skype, whatsapp, email, cell phone etc. Let the communication flow be incessant and unceasing.

Be faithful to each other like the fish eagle which has only one partner for life. For, we say at the wedding altar (Mizpah or watchpost or witness in the bible), ‘for better for worse, for richer or poorer, till death do us part’. The ring you put on each other’s finger is the covenant seal or Mizpah or witness both in your absence and in your presence.( Genesis 31: 43-50) The secret of enduring marriage is love, unconditional love. If you have love and respect for each other, you can overcome all obstacles in the journey of life. Never desert each other in times of adversity, for, life has ups and downs and neither adversity nor happiness last for ever. 1 John 17 states, And the world and its desires are passing away, but those who do the will of God live forever.

1 John 4: 7-12 says, Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God…….. if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us.’

Trust each other and have no room for suspicion. Do everything in good faith, for your prosperity and growth. Never succumb to funny tales and gossips from friends and sometimes from relatives, some of whom have sinister agenda to rock your boat. Cling to each other like clams and you will sail smoothly over the storms as Jesus did when he rebuked and calmed the storm on the Sea of Galilee. Read your bible and pray together always because with the word of God as your foundation, you will be established on solid rock. Let Jesus be beside you and He will calm all your storms.

The story is told of the hare and his son who decided to take a trip to go and sell their commercial ware. On the way, they met the Leopard who enquired of their mission and pleaded to be allowed to join the band. Hare’s son was terrified and nudged his father to refuse the request. His dad intoned, ‘ My son, never fear, for all terrible things shall soon pass away, and peace shall reign thereafter.’ They met the Lion, the King Anaconda, and lastly the Hyena. As they journeyed along into several villages, conflicts and petty jealousies brewed among them. Not long after, the Hyena picked a quarrel with the Leopard. The fierce brawl which ensued ended with the Leopard badly mauling and slaying the Hyena. It was one trouble less. Later, the Lion had a tiff with the Leopard, and the Leopard was killed by Lion. It then remained the Lion and King Anaconda to be sorted out. After a while, King Anaconda complained that Lion had stepped on its tail. In their wrestling match, Lion was no match as it was strangled and bitten to death by King Anaconda. When they reached a big lake, hare persuaded King Anaconda to hide in a big pot or else the men who were to ferry them across would refuse to do so. He obliged and they put a heavy lid on it. Quickly, hare and son gathered dry twigs and set the pot on fire. Then hare told the son that nothing dreadful lasts forever. This story tells you to trust in each other to overcome obstacles because with such powerful conjugal union, you create a synergy which is a strong shield of protection.

The first miracle performed by Jesus was the turning of water into wine at Cana where there was a wedding (John 2: 1-11). This tells us that wedding is of prime importance because it is a union to create new souls and unions. Marriage is one of the greatest secrets and miracles of life. The wine at Cana symbolised maturing of love, for fermented wine matures and becomes strong for enjoying. The bible advises us against excesses in life. Neither of you should be a drunkard, for the bible says wine is a mocker, and nobles and kings should not drink or else they pervert justice and give wrong judgement.

The story of Dinah (Gen. 34:1-31), sister of the twelve patriarchs, who was raped by the Philistines is instructive. It tells us always to stand on ceremony with our sweetheart and do what is right. The brothers of Dinah tricked those who profaned their sister by telling them to circumcise before getting Dinah to marry. When they did so, they became vulnerable and Dinah’s brothers avenged their sister’s rape and slaughtered Hamor, his son Shechem, and all males in their households.

Marriage is a journey of exploration and discovery. It is like a tapestry or piece of artwork on the sands of time which is painted by two people. All masterpieces require patience, longsuffering, diligence, support and sharing ideas. I am sure this is true of the masters such as Anatsui, Kofi Antobam, Picasso, Michaelangelo, Rembrandt, Raphael, Leonardo da Vinci, Sir Christopher Wren, among others.

Surrender to each other with respect and dignity. Above all, cultivate good habits of cleanliness, hard work, and ability to listen more than talking because someone observed that God gave us two ears to listen more and one mouth to talk less.

As you come from different countries and thus you are multicultural, there will be challenges of cultural clash and conflict, but with love, tolerance, and adaptation you will overcome. Visit each other’s country, get to know your in-laws and bond with them. Learn to eat their food, wear their clothes and attend their cultural ceremonies. Learn their language and integrate fast. Respect each other’s culture.

You the woman, have role models such as Hannah, Sarah, Ruth, and Esther in the bible. For you the man, there are many role models such as Joseph, Job, David, Daniel, Paul and Peter in the bible. We have Mandela also on the secular side.

Extended family members should be treated courteously but they should not be allowed to interfere in your marriage. You two, make your own joint independent decisions. Remember, this marriage is not about you two only because you are not islands. Be diplomatic and have a balance in your relationship with your extended family. Do what you can for them but there should be a limit. Help your parents and siblings and make them happy, but not too much at your own discomfort.

You can have joint bank account, but this is very tricky so if possible, avoid it because it can bring many troubles. Be transparent with your finances and let your spouse know your financial position so you can both plan better and not suspect each other..

Above all, do not look back into your past like Lot’s wife did. Look ahead and be optimistic.

May you be fruitful and multiply as God commanded in the beginning.

Thank you.

By Kwesi Atta Sakyi

Email: kwesiattasakyi449@gmail.com

(Here are some of my poems to inspire you)

Temptations of Daughters of Eve

Zambian damsels,

Venuses of vintage African women

In beauty and charm they stand tall

It requires a philosopher king and an angel

A great deal of restraint not to fall

To the wicked temptations

Of these daughters of Eve

No wonder rape is galore,

But take note not to make them whores

For, your act of rape is not part of our lore

Nor your patronising of brothels one of our mores

Rather appeal to your better self

And put your good manners to the fore

Before you fall,

In all my travels and travails,

Never saw a treasure trove of African beauty

Awash in this Garden of Eden,

In this Noah’s ark of Zambia,

In the beautiful and picturesque

Sunshine land of Zambia,

Zambia here we come

Welcome

Mwaiseni mukwai

Here we come, Zambia

Seductive smiles of the ladies

(Never mind having flights of fancy of sexual orgies)

Erotic paroxysms of dancers

Electrocuted in mid-section

Unbelievable gyrations of the waist

Can make you salivate in your pants

And sure you can rant,

Wondering what bedroom secrets lie untold

Except the overt and public display

Of waist gyrations in traditional dances

Which you now behold

Brave yourself,

Makishi masquerade dancers on fire,

Serenje kalindula on the loose

Amayenge dance ensemble sock

It out to the high heavens -

Caterpillar, caterpillar, caterpillar!

Hey, welcome to earthquake dances

Mind the sod on which you stand

You could be swept off your feet

And instantly transported into a

Mental world of orgies, obscenities

And debauchery -

Wait a minute,

Don’t think from your waist downwards

You may be standing on quicksand

Or else you will get sucked into the

Inferno by the bewitching lady temptresses

Hold your firepower,

Arrested midstream in your daydream?

Flow with the stream

They are full of breams

Big and delicious breams they are

In this unforgettable land of the Zambezi

Make a date or you will be late

Come with your mate

To behold heaven’s gate

At the Mosi O Tunya

Where angels took flight

On beholding the majestic sight

Of the mighty Mosi O Tunya -

The Victoria falls!

The Geography of Love

Your grace and poise overwhelms me like a tsunami

Your lambent eyes flicker like hurricane lamps

In the throes of a tropical storm or line squall

Your breasts bob and heave

Like beacons on the waves of the Atlantic

At Takoradi Harbour

Your behinds are like the drumlins left

Behind by glaciations

Or like mammary hills of Oblongo and Ningo near Accra

Your serrated neck like yardang corridors

Through which the unseen wind blasts

Your slender arms like the Nile snaking

Its way north over the Sudd region in Southern Sudan

Your navel like an oasis in the Libyan Desert

Your thighs like giant timber trees in the

Thick tropical forest of Sierra Leone, Liberia,

Cameroun and Congo DR,

The gap in your front teeth like a

Ravine in the Rift Valley of East Africa

Or like the gaping gorge at the mighty Victoria

Falls in Zambia

The crown of your head like the

Umbrella-shaped acacia tree tops of the Savannah

The hair on your cunt like the

Tall leafy green elephant grass of the

Niger-bend swamps of Timbuctoo in the rainy season

Your lips curve like the ox-bow lakes

And meanders of the Nile in its lower

Lacustrine/riverine course

Again, your lips are like the recumbent

Folds on the Atlas and Drakensberg Mountains

Your fingers fan out like distributaries

Of the Niger Delta

The ebbs and flows of your breathing

Are like the breakers at Krokrobite Beach near Accra,

When you utter a word,

It has the resonance of a simoon on the Sahara Desert

The colour of your skin

Is a cross between the grayish gigantic

Granite tors

And the dark-brown jagged shales on the shores

Of Kromantse in Central Region of Ghana

Your square slender shoulders like the

Table Mountain towering over Cape Town

Your legs are like the massive columns

Of the valley of the Pharaohs in Abu Simbel

On the Nile in Luxor, Egypt

Your feminine figure is crafted like

An earlier version of a Motorola cell phone

Or like the guitar,

Or like one of the ornately carved wooden

Statuettes made by the master woodcarvers

In Livingstone in Zambia,

Your eyelashes and eyelids are like

Sweeps of crescent-shaped barkhans on the Sahara Desert

Your smile is like the dreamy and

Pleasant Athii Plains near Nairobi in Kenya

Your shapely legs converge at your torso

Like the confluence of the Niger and

Benue at Lokoja in Nigeria

The Sweetness of your lips like honey

Or local jam on tea bread from Nsawam in Ghana

Your nostrils like the entrances to the

Caves at Abrobiano in Komenda, Central Ghana

Your tummy as flat as the Okavango Pan in

Botswana

When you walk past, it is like an

Ostrich inspecting a guard of honour in

Windhoek, Namibia

Or like the wildbeest and gazelles strutting

Past on their annual migration on the Masai

Mara in Kenya

When in flight, your canter is like the

Zebra on the run, pursued by the carnivores,

When the setting sun casts your shadow on the ground

It is like the stilted masquerades

Doing their yuletide dance in Winneba, Central Ghana

Your whole body is a mosaic of love potions

When you dance, your arms and legs make

Intricate movements

Yeah, conveying silent messages of love in all directions

The message that you are ripe

You need the vibes from the guys and suitors

Yeah, they come forth with different

Guiles to woo your love,

Alas, most walk away nonplussed

And befuddled,

You ridicule them for their crass stupidity,

Oh, love, you are too hot for their wit

And I wonder who will solve this African conundrum of love

On your Wedding Day

Nuptial knots tied

Airtight,

No backward step to take,

Nor sideward glance to look

Nor false love make or fake

For things of the past have passed and gone

A new dawn is unfolding in your life

A bud is budding and sprouting,

Beautiful flowers in twain glitter

On the green grassy lawns they litter

Like butterflies they flitter,

Dancing and floating dreamily about in dreamland,

Honeysuckle, roses and flowers of diverse

Hues and sheen

Grace the honeymoon scene,

Pure and white their garments shrouded,

Wedding bells peal, replete with beat

Wedding bed wet with rivulets of sweat

Love kisses stringed with sweat beads

Bride and bridegroom spear

Each other with cupid arrows,

Cavorting, carousing and caressing

In joyous abandon,

Marriage feast festoons their feral-like festal fiefdom,

A world theirs and theirs alone to govern,

No government nor authority so wanton

Can their holy ramparts of love trespass

Unbending love, unending love, they are wont,

Till death do them part,

Love, like sweet music, play on

And ambrosia, food of the gods, feed

Virtues

In abundance store,

Virtues galore,

Yet the world’s core,

Rotten spore

Urbane manners, acquired taste,

Received wisdom in haste,

Instructed knowledge to waste,

Watery life, no paste

Humility in humble hubris, chain of higher virtues to string,

Faith, hope and charity, enough to plough through life,

Upper virtues to wife-justice, fortitude, chastity, prudence

And temperance,

Then to toast success, abhorrence for tawdry taste

Angry African Woman

You came round to eat my yam

Then you came again to eat my nshima (maize pasta)

But today, you must prostrate

And pay homage

I have daubed my body with sweet-scented cocoa cream

I have smeared some parts with natural shea butter

And I have also dusted my pudendum with

Bint-el-Sudan talcum powder

For Friday evening special effect

On Saturday, I prefer scintillating aroma

Of Town Hall or Saturday Night talcum vintage,

Yes, I am ready for those who pay,

They get the password to the secret gate

They obtain discounts and a good bargain,

Good customer, call again

You came to suck succulent breasts

You came to steal sweet kisses

But today you must pay

Or else you will eat cold nshima

With maggot-infested bearded meat,

Net even cold matoke leftovers for you

If you want fresh hot sadza (nshima)

Or hot yummy pounded yam with

ogbono or egusi soup and bitter leaf

Stuffed with chunks of isi ewu (goat meat)

Or do you prefer ugali, joloff rice, jambalaya or couscous?

Then you must go on all fours

And pay really big,

Nshima and sadza are not for free

Nor is pounded yam or any of the African dishes,

In a credit crunch period

The naira is expensive to mint

Yet I’m reasonable enough to know

You don’t vomit cash

But understand, I have endless needs to

Keep the good sexy looks and be dapper,

Besides, I need insurance for old age

I run risk of female diseases

Like cervical cancer, obstetric

Fistula and cancer of the breast,

Just as you men suffer prostrate cancer

And urinary retention

I detest men with stingy arms

I abhor mean men with stony hearts

If you come again without a loaded purse

I shall incant on you a secret curse

I will crush your nostrils in bed

With my helluva surplus breasts

To cause asphyxia,

I will yank your silly willy from between your legs

I will dump your tuxedo, shoes and pants,

In the dirty running kitchen sink

Or into the dirty dish water in the nearby ditch

I’ll act like a proper witch and bitch

Then give you a forensic frisk over

When I’ve crooned you to a deep sleep

In your dead drunken stupor

Then you will trudge home half awake

Through the village

In your bare birthday suit

In the wee hours of a cold Monday morning

Indeed I hate yam eaters who don’t pay

Or who pay skimpingly

I scorn nshima swallowers who don’t stay

These are the Casanova candidates for castration

They behave like hit-and-run minibuses

That ply in the streets of Lusaka,

Or like the Okada and Molue mad drivers of Lagos

Or like the Trotro drivers in Kokomlemle in Accra,

Or like the Matatus in Kampala or Nairobi

They are all the same everywhere in Africa,

They are greedy money prostitutes

They cram the buses to the brim,

What a grim experience for commuters,

Hmm, life for prostitutes, commuters and bus

Drivers is always on a knife edge – slim

Hey fella, yam and nshima are staple foods

They must be eaten always fresh and hot,

If you come again and you don’t pay

I will chase you with a fufu pounding pestle

To inflict you a mortal wound

I will slosh you with a stinking week-old

Urine of mine specially brewed for the purpose

I will pepper-bomb your eyes with alligator chilli

I will put sand in your gari

I will hang a bell around your neck

To alert the village womenfolk,

Remember, sex doesn’t come cheap these days

Its price is directly proportional to inflation,

The economic crunch and the intensity

Of the sex drive waxing hot between your thighs,

In these age and time, stick to one woman,

One man, one nshima,

Multiple sex partners is costly and a nightmare,

It breeds wahala,

Sex maniacs and serial sexists,

Go home to roost,

One woman is more than enough for life,

Is that your bonafide wedded wife?

(From the book Mosi O Tunya Sounds 2009 by the author with a few modifications)