A Father’s Love For His Daughter Should Always Endure

An Appeal – A Father’s Love For His Daughter Should Always Endure

Serwaa deemed her father as having many faults, but she was grateful the man was liberal in his dealings with his children – in comparison to other Ghanaian fathers who lived in the same Maryland suburban neighborhood. But an incident that occurred years earlier between Serwaa’s father and her older sister often made her reluctant to bring certain matters to her father’s attention. Most times, her father listened and advised; other times, she was right to hesitate, as the man made it clear that the matter was not up for discussion.

It was sometime in the ‘80s when Serwaa lived in Kumasi with her Aunt; her sister, Pokuaa; her brother; and her Aunts’ two sons. The Aunt was their father’s sister – she was assertive and, thus, spoke her mind. Similarly, Pokuaa was a feisty teenager! Serwaa idolized Pokuaa to a fault and would trail her everywhere. When Serwaa was made aware that she did not incubate in the same womb as Pokuaa, and that they were patrilineal sisters, it made no difference to her – she loved her sister and nothing could change that!

Pokuaa was a student at an all girls’ secondary school; after each semester, she delighted Serwaa with “boarding house tales.” One semester, however, Pokuaa came home with very unfortunate news – she was pregnant! Upon hearing the news, their father became furious! He decreed Pokuaa be sent to her mother in Central Region, and stated he would never take her abroad. The Aunt assured Pokuaa that her brother was only momentarily angry and that he would simmer with time, thus, her niece should not fret.

However, weeks later, when the father went to Ghana his fury could only be described as a raging volcano. Relatives, neighbors, and even a Catholic priest spoke to the father on Pokuaa’s behalf, but the man was stoic and unmoved! To him, the fact that Pokuaa conceived while attending an all girls’ boarding school indicated that she was gallivanting about town. Thus, one morning, Pokuaa’s mom arrived in Kumasi and took her daughter to Central Region. To date, that was the second saddest event in Serwaa’s life!

As Pokuaa’s mother gathered her belongings and their departure became inevitable, Serwaa was inconsolable. Though, she whimpered every time Pokuaa left for boarding school, she consoled herself with the knowledge that her sister would return after some time. But on this particular day, she knew Pokuaa would be gone indefinitely. In the ensuing days she wept until she was physically ill; her Aunt appeased her by stating that she would take her to Central Region. But they only went there after Pokuaa gave birth. Now that the baby had been born, Serwaa hoped for Pokuaa to return to Kumasi; alas, that never happened.

Serwaa eventually departed the shores of Ghana without seeing her beloved Pokuaa again. A few years later, when Serwaa reached her early teens and discovered Madonna’s song “Papa Don’t Preach” she was immediately drawn to it. The song relates to a pregnant girl asking her father to provide advice on her predicament, as opposed to “preaching”; the girl further pleads for her father to love her, notwithstanding her “sin.” The accompanying video illustrated that the father loved his daughter nonetheless and did not abandon her.

Serwaa at times sat in her room and listened to the song repeatedly – and her tears flowed like waters of Niagara Falls, for she wished her father had loved Pokuaa in spite of her “sin.” It was then that she asked her father for Pokuaa’s address so she could write her. To which her father responded: “You want to write her for what? She is no more my daughter and nobody in this house will be writing her any letters!” The anger that accompanied her father’s response was enough for Serwaa to stop asking about Pokuaa.

In her mid-teens, Serwaa visited Ghana with her father. Her Aunt had then moved to Europe to live with her sons – the latter had migrated to Germany years earlier. Serwaa knew that her Aunt and her cousins would not be around but she had high hopes of seeing Pokuaa. Sadly, in the three weeks that they stayed in the country, Pokuaa never came to Kumasi and no one took Serwaa to Central Region. She returned to America and went on with her life. But memories of Sistah Pokuaa – as she affectionately called her – were never afar. Many years later, Serwaa returned to the former Gold Cost a second time. She had then matured into an assertive, independent twenty-something-year-old lady. She traveled to Ghana on her own and was determined to see Pokuaa at all cost!

A week after arriving in the country, some relatives and a designated driver took Serwaa to Central Region. At the reunion, she was filled with too many emotions to list. The sisters wept tears of joy but Serwaa’s tears were for many more reasons. One of them being Pokuaa had become a woman with an almost servile personality – the fieriness she once exuded had dissipated. Serwaa was not certain what had happened to Pokuaa all those years in Central Region, but something in the latter had definitely died.

Serwaa returned to the States and informed her father of her venture to Central Region. She added that she intended to invite Pokuaa but her father said nothing. Nearly a year later, Pokuaa arrived in U.S.A. – their father was receptive toward her and Serwaa was elated! Her bewilderment was Pokuaa reciprocating the gesture without protest. Months later, Serwaa asked: “When will you talk to him about what he did to you?” “It’s ancient news, it no longer bothers me,” Pokuaa said. “How can it not; he’s been visiting Ghana all these years, yet he never came to see you. Tell him how you feel so you can have closure.”

The three of them – father and daughters – often spent time together and discussed an array of topics. And during such times, Serwaa anticipated Pokuaa would broach the incident but she never did. One day, Serwaa became antsy and stated, “Since no one will ask the obvious, I will: Dad, why did you desert Pokuaa when she became pregnant?” Pokuaa coyly chuckled and stated: “Eii, wo ha adwene papa.” Their father then responded: “You see what I mean when I say that your sister now talks by heart? I named her after my only sister with the hope that she would inherit her personality, but she only learned her negative mannerisms. You know how your aunt Serwaa talks anyhow.” Their father and Pokuaa had a good laugh and soon changed the topic.

After that episode, Serwaa ceased to mention the incident that took place years earlier, as she realized that everyone had moved past it but her. What bothers Serwaa is the time lost – years she could have spent creating memories with her sister, were it not their father’s refusal to “forgive.” And had the father not abandoned Pokuaa, her former spouse would not have had the audacity to physically abuse her. What makes Pokuaa’s life story all the more tragic is, she has outlived the baby that forever altered her destiny. It has been eight years since Serwaa invited Pokuaa to America. Their father has since legalized her stay and she now shuttles between USA and Ghana as a businesswoman – life in America is not to her liking.

I do not have questions today but an appeal to Dads. Your daughters know that they do not come with manuals and that you have done – and continue to do – your best under the circumstances. On this note, we plead with you fathers to not forsake your lasses even when they have “sinned,” for the situation does not affect the abandoned daughter alone. Most critically, you are the first man in your daughter’s life, her first love, per se. Your treatment of her is the genesis of how she will allow a man to treat her during the course of her life: If she grows up under the umbrella of her father’s love and protection, she will not expect or accept anything less from a future boyfriend or husband.

Lola, Washington, DC