Artificial Intelligence (AI)
President of the inter-stellar court: Let it be known to all here present that the high authorities who govern quantum mechanics in the multiverse, having observed that our proceedings here were about to be halted permanently by the Sun (through the scandalous act of transforming itself into a Red Dwarf (prior to engaging in the pornographic act of procreating a Supernova) have granted us leave to finish this case.
Whatever precedent is set by their action is none of our business. Our only duty is to thank them profusely for not only observing these proceedings by webnar, but feigning to intervene to make their continuation possible. MR Learned Prosecutor, will you please resume your submission?
Prosecutor: May it please Your Brilliances: the Respondent vigorously contests the plea by the Plaintiff, to wit: that these proceedings are a nullity, ab initio, by reason of the fact that the entity representing itself here as 'Human Intelligence' does not exist and cannot therefore sue or be sued in a court of law.
My Lords, the respondent asks a simple question: if ‘Human Intelligence had not existed, could the game of cricket ….
President: I beg your pardon – but did you say “the game of cricket?”
Prosecutor: You heard me right, My Lord. According to the Respondent, only Human Intelligence as prevalent on the Earthly Island of John Bull, could have invented the act of “nicking” a cricket ball, instead of merely hitting it’ or of “edging the ball behind” the batter! Think, my Lords, when we speak of “caught and bowled”, that you perceive nuance personified. I mean, why not “bowled and caught”, since the bowling patently precedes the catching?
Think also, my Lords, of a possible catch that is nullified by the ball "not carrying"? How can a ball ' carry' anything? That aside, please consider the complicated act of a batter being given 'out' LBW! How can anything or indeed anyone but Human Intelligence have devised the notion that a ball would have hit the wicket, had the batter’s leg not obstructed the ball as it made its way to the stumps? Think (again, my Lords) of the acts of 'stumping', of “running a batter out” because he did not arrive back at his crease in a timely fashion after engaging in an over-ambitious, or greedy, quest for more “runs” than practicable ?
My Lords, the Respondent avers further that the ingenuity exhibited by Human Intelligence is not limited to one game (which, admittedly, may be regarded as “elitist” and so not altogether representative.)
Look also, (the Plaintiff pleads) at the most popular game on Planet Earth, the game known as “football” or “soccer” (with its variations, such as “rugby”.)
My Lords, is the “offside rule” not so complex as to defy even the Video Assisted Refereeing System created on Television?
Why is a 'penalty' given in that game, although players like Roberto Carlos and Eusebio, have proved conclusively (on the field of play) that a goal can be scored from any location?
Only human intelligence could have foreseen that such inconsistencies would provide controversial talking points, the debating of which would stretch interest in a match beyond the day it was played, to many days thereafter, and perhaps even into infinity?
Which resident of the country on Planet Earth called Ghana (for instance) will ever forget the sleight of “hands” played against their country by a Uruguayan player called Louis Soares, in a World Cup match in South Africa in the year 2010?
Do not the populace of England talk indignantly -- to this day-- about the 'hand of God', subterfuge whereby Diego Maradona beat England and gave his country, Argentina, victory, in a similar World Cup encountermin the year 1986? Some people still remember the entirety of that match, but nothing of the first landing of Man on our vassal, the Moon!
Finally, Your Brilliancines, the respondent would like to make an argument that you may find extremely ingenious or preposterous, or both (as I, Your Humble Attorney) doth find it! Again, the Respondent would like to take Your Lordships to the country on Planet Earth called Ghana.
My Lords, the creators of our Multiverse Universes have endowed that land with enormous resources, including rivers and water-bodies, that nourish
huge forests that provide plantains, yams, cocoyams, cassava and all manner of foodstuffs. There are also plentiful supplies of fish and game animals.
The trouble they have there is that the land also sits on huge deposits of gold. This gold cannot be eaten, (being metal). But it has a shiny, beguiling appearance, which the people of other countries value greatly.
As a result, a fierce contest is taking place in that country. One school of thought thinks that selling gold will enable the authorities to get enough money to reclaim any rivers and water-bodies that are destroyed by excavators and bulldozers employed in the process of digging for gold in and around the said water-bodies. This school of thought argues with some passion that “it does not make sense to ‘sit on gold and yet not have money” to buy cars and build fine houses etc.
Mercury in the water they drink? Cyanide in the soil on which their food crops grow? They argue vaguely that they will build clinics and employ doctors to heal any of the people who catch diseases from mercury and cyanide.
Your Brilliancies, isn’t that an ingenious paradox?
The laws of quantum mechanics depend on transformation, don’t they? The Ghanaians want to change things: they seek to place their health AT RISK -- for adventure! They eschew safety and adopt nice jewels, in place of “mere” food and drink.
That is proper “Human Intelligence”, the Respondent maintains. It shows such sophisticated thinking as Artificial Intelligence could never evolve – not in a thousand years! Madness is as real as Sanity, Your Lordships!
I hereby rest the case, Your Brilliances.
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