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Awudome ghosts on rampage

Ghost Sheet File Photo

Sat, 15 Dec 2018 Source: Mawuli Zogbenu

Congratulations to you on your graduation last Wednesday, Mr Jerry Tsatro Mordy of myjoyonline who just graduated with another Masters degree in Conflict Resolution something something. So the women who also graduated, can we say they got a Madams degree? Just asking o especially in these days of gender gender things! Now I can look for trouble; at least I can rely on Mr Mordy to come and help me resolve it. My good friend Kobby Owusu Mensah would also surely come to my defence in court when I slap somebody. Lawyer 1, I greet you oo, hahahaaaaa!

I never knew I was this good in bed until last night o; I slept the whole day‘ in the night’! I am sure it’s bcos of the world class treatment I received at Finny Hospital at Weija! I have no doubt in my mind the fact that Finny is a professional health institution. I went to eat some wrong foodat Kaneshie market area near the borla and my abdomen was doing me something something on Monday and I rushed there. It was then they diagnosed me of getting some gastric inflammation infection something something and they detained me overnight. I thought I was dying.

Ei! You know that feeling you have that makes you feel you are going off when small malaria catch you, ehern! When I felt that way, my first point of worry was how to delete some of those filthy whatsapp messages from my phone before the worst happens. If only our wives could access these filthy messages we have on our phones er, I doubt if any wife would cry during the burial of their husbands! Men, we are just bad la! Don’t trust us o, yoo! Just manage us! If you leave us, we go die and you make matters worse for yourself bcos you surely be tempted to read messages that can kill you too.

Kw333333, the doctors at Finny would check on me every now and then throughout the night. The only problem I had was that all those who attended to me were males! But the smooth nurses filled in the space by constantly checking on me at the ward at the same time. They would smile even when they are visibly fatigued! All the health workers acted professionally and attended to me as if I was a king whose life was more important to them than any other thing! Awwwwwww! It’s so nice when they touched my hand when inserting their syringes into my stubborn wrist veins. When they touch me with the syringe, my whole body begins to feel ‘yiiiiiii’ but the men, kai! The treatment made me feel like falling sick again and be seeing their nurses! There is healing power in the smiles of a committed nurse o!

Greetings to you Dr Nunoo, Dr Duah, Dr Adzie, Dr Sulley and who else mpo, ehern the nurses Aunties Aggie, Elissa, Nana Afua, Baaba, Christiana, Ellen Emmanuella and Evelyn were awesomely superb. Thanks to you guys for saving my ‘useless’ life this week like that of a King or else by now I be ghost.

Abeg o, who is that actor who said he lived with a ghost for three months in Naija and some people were doubting him? Have you forgotten my own experience with that Maabena girl I offered lift to in the night and in a few hours discovered that her funeral was underway? If ghosts don’t exist there would be nothing like that in the English vocabulary but there are some special kinds of ghosts at Awudome!

Recently on a quiet Saturday night, my car broke down at about 11pm on the road in between the two burial places at the Awudome cemetery. My auto mechanic was excited to learn I had a mechanical problem with my car and with him, no matter the time of the night he would come and fix my problem bcos I pay him well for his services. But that was not until I mentioned the location and he switched his phone off! Not only did I abandon the car but I hurriedly took to my heels as it was approaching 11.25pm and the place was quiet with only the sounds of crickets singing halleluya.

I came back to the car together with the mechanic the next morning. Indeed, we saw the car in its original parking space but without the ears (side mirrors), eyes (headlights). These Awudome cemetery ghosts, e bi so them dey? The ‘ghosts’ had stolen some vital parts of my car and above all removed the left front tyre!

There was this story about a guy who had a smooth modus operandi. He would pick ‘dropping’from Osu through the Awudome cemetery when going home to his ghetto at North K. Upon reaching the entrance of the cemetery and bcos he has no intention of paying the fare, he would tell the taxi driver:‘take me home’ and direct the driver to the entrance of the cemetery in the night. Most drivers for the fear that they might be carrying a ghost would quickly drop him and speed off or abandon the car and take to their heels and the guy would only laugh and walk to his human house which was nearby. He continued this till he met his meter who dared him to show him where his tomb was located for future transactions! That ended his career o. Which is to be feared the more – the living or the dead?

That reminds me o, who is in charge of maintaining law, order and sanity at the Kwame Nkrumah InterChange? Even those stones that have been put underneath the overhead bridges have lost the fight against recalcitrant hawkers and squatters. Nobody seems to care; some even urinate there ‘by hat’. Oh why why why, ern Ghana why?

Anyway, Awudome cemetery is not far from here so I suspect the people who are messing up the place are also ghosts and cannot be brought to book!

Why do we fear dead bodies?A medical doctor businessman friend of mine acquired two plots of land to build a mortuary, yes, a morgue! No one really wants to hear the mention of this word or? People say ‘when you visit the mortuary and come back, you would be humble’ yet people go there and come and still feel proud. Haven’t you noticed that?

At the time, he bought the plots of land at GHC5,000 each but chose the middle of a large ‘untapped’ portion of land located quite a distant from town. He finished with the 150-capacity morgue structure and business commenced.

Now, the land owners decided to sell the other plots of land around the facility at GHC7,000 per plot, a few years after. Prospective buyers came and left when they got to know the structure in the middle of the land was a morgue. The land owners thought the price was too high and decided to reduce it to the price at which they sold it to my friend i.e. GHC5,000, a kind of reduce to clear – promotion! That one too, nobody was interested. Now buy one get one free, still! They further reduced the price to as low as GHC1,000 but...lai lai!

Unfortunately for the landowners, the prospective buyers came on inspection of the land either on Thursdays or Fridays and those are the days the sirens from various ambulances keep blurring non-stop, one after the other! Two years had passed and the large piece of land around the mortuary was still available. Doc approached them and expressed interest in purchasing all the plots to which they had agreed! He offered to pay GHC150 per plot and the land owners agreed. How smart! He has since started the construction of an ultra-modern medical centre in the area. Be smart la, I keep saying this, huh! If you don’t use your head, your body will suffer.

We grew up with the fear of dead bodies put in us rather than the fear of the living and God. Nobody really wants to see a casket, a tomb or anything human that is dead or related to dead human beings.

There are about 9million people in the world who are carrying the HIV virus but do not know. Is your next target one of them? Watch out o, yoo!

Ei, is it possible to have HIV and syphilis at the same time? For answers to this ‘useless’ question please come for a QUICKIE, that is Quick HIV test with Dr Alex Quaisie, CEO of Verifie and his team at various strategic locations continuing from December 14-15 at the round pavilion, Trade Fair! We want to be double sure. Just go for QUICKIE with Verifie! If you have tested from some substandard lab before and it is positive, come and check with Verifie to be double sure. Authentic results verifie-d! If you know, you know la!

Why is it that apart from Zoom Zoom, any other boxer who goes to show off his title to a top Statesman hardly wins any bouts thereafter? Why don’t they wait small till they win more laurels before rushing to go and meet our Excellencies? Anyway I understand them; what if they don’t go now with their titles and then find it difficult to win anything afterwards…? No boxer wants to greet the President with swollen faces after losing a bout or?

Have a great weekend and eat well before you fall sick like it happened to me this week!

Columnist: Mawuli Zogbenu