Can we say, 'No'?

Whoever taught us, “NO’ meant negativity, failure, disrespect, has wronged us. If it is okay to say, ‘YES’, why not the opposite, ‘NO’? After all, it is a choice of response based on a person’s conviction of past experiences and future hopes.

Unfortunately, our society has made us believe saying, ‘No’ or your true feelings which could be a ‘No’, is wrong or better still, not pleasant. We teach our children that the response to, “How are you?” is, “I am fine.” Why not explain that the said question asks for one’s welfare. Thereby, the response can be true and not always in the affirmative. What if one is not fine? What if my student is emotionally unstable? What if my son is not feeling fine? What if my spouse has a breakdown? Can they respond, “I am not fine?”

I cannot overlook the fact that very few people with quite different upbringing will be bold enough to tell out their real feelings but the majority will not.

Can your child say no to you?

Can your parents say no to you?

Can your spouse/partner say no to you?

Can your friend say no to you?

Will your pastor say no to you?

Can the believer say no to the pastor?

Let us encourage one another especially the next generation that it is alright to say no without it meaning disrespect but just being truthful.

Precious people have endured abusive relationships because of a simple, ‘No’. Society wants us to be strong and say it is fine when it is not. Saying ‘No’ in a relationship means disrespect or the lack of love. So have we also lost precious lives because when you say “No’, you have failed.

Our wards have struggled through courses they couldn’t say no to and some have even taken their lives because they couldn’t live with the ‘Yes’ anymore but were not bold enough either to say their ‘No’ and stand by it all the way. Saying no will hurt a lot of people- they usually think and the final resort is to hurt oneself rather. Suicide is on the rise and people living with depression walk pass us everyday, but we are too judgemental to see. The best we can do is to let people know that it is okay to say no to us before we take it from there.

Can your child say to you, “I won’t go to school today”, and you won't be judgemental before trying to find out why? Even if that is done anyway? Your spouse cannot say no to you because, the next response from you would be judgemental and it may not favour her. Our religious leaders cannot say no to the congregation because it will displease the people; the convert cannot say no to the spiritual leader because it is a sin, even if it is the ridiculous request. We concur most of the time because we fear reproach and rejection from people who do not understand us.

The next approach to a wrong act is not ‘a sorry’ but a self-realisation of a wrong done. Behind a sorry mouth should be a sorry heart and self. Sorry without repentance is empty and hurtful. Let this generation know how to realise a wrong after being drawn to it and do not counsel offender to say sorry because it is more offensive to repeat a sorry after a repeated wrong than to repeat a wrong without saying sorry each time.

It is very okay to say, ‘No’, but let it be your true feeling and conviction. Same vein, it is okay to say ‘Yes’, if it is the representation of your true feelings and conviction. Encourage people to be truthful rather than conforming.