**By Akadu Ntiriwa Mensema, Ph. D.; Post-Grad Dipl.
ACT I: CAR-CRAZY GHANAIANS
In onipa ba Ghana
Na sun be car oh
The moon na car
Na water be car
Air too dem de call am car
MPs political flatulence be car
Na bus be car
Na van be car
Na articulator be car
Na airplane be car
Na train be car
Na boat be car
Na SUV be car
The latest is state tractor
Patented by Ayariga and Bagbin
Now tractor-car dey Ghana
Oh Ghanaians na everything be car, car
Na government policy be car
Uncle Mills dey use first three months
Dey look for car tyres in Fante Nyankumasi
Dey look for car engines in Osu Alata
Dey look for car break-pads in Anloga
Dey look for Chrysler in Hotel Kufour
Dey look for car oil in Sekyi Hughes’ nice mouth
But Mills no dey look for tractor-car thieves in Salaga
ACT 2: EATERS OF CAR-CRAZY LOANS
MPs previously swallowed car loans
Bellyful, they no fit vomit back the loan
Yes, the Vampire MPs don fool us all
MPs be greedy than Sekyi Hughes
Dem be greedy than the NDC-King
Who cries one Ghanaian one car tyre
But owns a fleet of cars, SUVs, speedboats
MPs be greedy pass Kufour
The Chrysler man who parks
His Chrysler on the 100th floor
Yes, 100th floor of the Kufour Hotel
Dem be greedy pass Muntaka
The man who wanted Ghana people
To pad his children with state diapers
Oh dem be greedy pass Sekyi Hughes
The most handsome NPP watchman
Who overloaded his state car
With all state properties in Accra
Na the state car got angry
Na state car would not start
ACT 3: POST-NKRUMAH CAR-CRAZINESS
Busia flaunted his lips on Datsun cars
Acheampong munched in Golf cars
Limann caressed his old 404 until he died
Like the poor church mouse of Yendi
Aging Limann pushed his 404 to jump-start it
Rawlings did not give Limann any car
But the murderers of the judges
Happily picked up keys to Jeep-cars
To slaughter and burn the judges
From the Rawlings’ stocked dining table
The murderers be buga buga soldiers
But dey fit go to the King’s dining table
They no go there to chop or drink
Dem go there for Jeep keys
And Queen Konadu teary clapped
Rawlings loves fast cars, Jaguar cars
He is the fattest cat in a jaguar car
While the masses wear down the soles
Of their impoverished feet to cheer him on
Four SUVs to kill Ridge mosquitoes
Two speed-boats to fish for mosquitoes
His speed-boats sail on the Accra savannah
Kufour no dey like Kejetia Chrysler
He loves US of A Chrysler
And parks it on the 100th floor of his hotel
Hmm as for Mills me I don’t know oh
Mills loves his tea on Ecomini wheels
He likes his Fante Dokono in tractors
And likes to ride Simpa Panyin cars
Loaned from the Royal Ridge Junction
Where every boom is an order to drive
ACT 4: MPS CAR-CRAZY PHILOSOPHY
The MPs claim they need 4-wheeled cars
To overcome potholes they created
The MPs claim they need $50,000 cars
To help them reach their constituencies
To move goods to Sekyi Hughes’ palace
To cart state tractors to their homes
To cart diapers for their children
To travel to free kyinkyinga sites
To travel on per diem on free petrol
Cars driven by drivers paid by the state
Cars for the vampire parliamentarians
Hurray we don’t manufacture cars
But all we do is thinking about cars
ACT 5: CAR-CRAZINESS AND EMPTYNESS
We associate development with cars
Social mobility is predicated on cars
Social standing is based on cars
Wealth is defined by cars and cars
We think about the latest BMW
We love to have the latest Mercedes
And Hummer to hammer our potholes
Cars are the Ghanaian bling bling
The bigger and more expensive the better
Tractors are called big state cars
And the only tractor-cars that we had
Were sold for free on the auction block
To the NDC lords of the houseflies
To demolish anthills in the North
We are yet to develop car tyres
Yet Parliament is all about cars
The vampire parliamentarians
Think about cars all the time
Today they have asked for $50,000
But we have gone to the World Bank
The bank that preys on poor Africans
To ask for guillotine loans for our necks
ACT 6: CAR-CRAZINESS DERAILS PROGRESS
We buy cars on the whim
End of service has policies on cars
But schools are impoverished
Some SSS use broken bottles as beakers
MPs get free loans for cars
Police no get state cars for work
Border Guards no get state cars
Prisons no get state cars
Fire Service no get state cars
Hospital beds are bare floors
Hospitals are graveyards
Infant mortality is high in the North
But Bagbin thinks about tractor-cars
We have electricity but live in darkness
School fees have produced street kids
Libraries are bereft of books
Korle Lagoon is now called lavender lake
Accra is in a big dirty messy cesspool
But our MPs’ policies are about cars
Roads are now lakes, rivers, oceans
But MPs think about cars, cars, cars
ACT 7: CAR-CRAZINESS AND MORAL DECAY
Yet our greedy MPs want $50,000
Cars to visit evanescent post-election constituencies
Cars for market to buy diapers
Cars for saloon to buy fake hair for girlfriends
Cars to rent porno for underage girls
Cars to purchase cocaine in Tudu
Cars for making divisive boom speeches
Cars to visit the garage of Hotel Kufour
Cars for concubines to visit their home-towns
Cars to take dada mma to expensive school
Cars to distribute chamber-pots during elections
Cars for Sekyi Hughes’ stolen items
Cars for the 50th Anniversary Committee
To carry Chinese-made Ghana flags
Cars to investigate Legon inner legs
ACT 8: EPILOGUE - HYPOCRISY OF CAR-CRAZINESS
So every MP has a fleet of state-loaned cars
Na wa oh, cocoa farmers no dey get wheelbarrows
Teachers no have bicycles
Nurses no dey have motor-bikes
All Ghanaian workers should run to work
Or demand $100,000 loans to buy trains
Cocoa farmers are better than vampire MPs
Workers you’re better than the greedy vampires
Workers you deserve bigger loans
Cars oh cars cars oh cars oh cars
Our cacophony of progress
Deceit of democratic equity
It is all about Car-Crazy Parliamentarians
Lording it over Car-Crazy Ghanaians
Akadu N. Mensema is a Denkyira beauty. She is a trained oral historian and
sociologist, and is a Professor in the USA. She writes what critics have called
“populist hyperbolic, satirical” poetry. She can be reached at
akadumensema@yahoo.com
