Controversy Unlimited: “Do Me I Do You”

Calus Von Brazi

If it was in the days of old, Moses would have been quoted and “an eye for an eye” would have been used to substantiate the concept. Today things are different and some would readily proffer Nigerian entertainment artiste P-Square’s chart-topping hit song “do me I do you” as justification for the perennial circus of Africans undermining and sabotaging each other as if our own kith and kin are the very representatives of the pestilence. If you restrict the syndrome to the sad case of Ghana, “do me I do you” becomes even more manifest and understandable for we revel in the ignominy of retributions galore. What is “do me I do you” in reality?

In my humbly biased opinion, “do me I do you” is simply the act of waiting for an opportunity to payback a person (friend, foe or political opponent) in style for what one considers ‘wrongful treatment’ of him/herself at one point in the past. It is a highly discriminatory concept that focuses on a very narrow appreciation of the thoughts, actions and inaction of people that someone has rightly or wrongly decided to show where true power lies. Sometimes, “do me I do you” can be an action done for or on behalf of the protégé of a person in higher authority. However, when “do me I do you” is restricted to the political space, you know that the seeds of future retribution are firmly sown and the only thing that determines the format, magnitude and rapidity with which that retribution would be unleashed is time. Of course we do remember how there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under Heaven as stated in Ecclesiastes 3:1. There definitely must be a time for “do me I do you” too. From the political reading of the social environment prevailing in Ghana right now, the kind of “do me I do you” coming is not funny; it might be the younger sister of the mother of all “do me I do you”.

When the Order of the Attahood won political jaguda, some hyenas in public and private life rediscovered the “do me I do you” syndrome and formed a beeline with files and documents that would make the London School of Economics library (a deposit library) green with envy. They trooped to a certain ‘clearing house’ in East Legon, where decisions taken for and on behalf of the Diminished Order of the Kufuorhood were submitted, misinterpreted, twisted politically and dispatched to the arugba posse for future prosecutorial duties. Those who embarked on those actions were on a full “do me I do you” flight, with no mercy. Their reasons for doing what they did was as funny as they were pathetic for one is inclined to ask, what real satisfaction does one derive from “do me I do you”? It may be true that some lunatic ex-Kufuorhood appointee “punished” a subordinate in a ministry for something rather frivolous. Does that mean that as soon as that superior’s party loses political power, frivolous charges about actions taken within cabinet and implemented by such an appointee are cast as a personal actions and the said official done in? Do we know what an Attahood appointee would do and attract the same “do me I do you” in the case of another government being handed the reins of power by the good people of Ghana? In anycase, what is the whole point of carrying files to some ‘self-appointed appointees of a vetting inclination and thereby remind us of the days when it was fashionable for people to sit behind screens and pass sentences that span over 100 years? The Order of the Attahood would do well not to be undone by the over-enthusiasm of starved hangers on, whose only wish and determination for his government is to settle personal, nothing but personal and more personal scores with perceived and real political opponents, for, many a time, history has shown that those who embark on such actions end up with a lot of swine sputum on their faces.

The above is not to discount the fact that some Diminished Order of the Kufuorhood appointees misconducted themselves while in office. You see, a lot of these ex-MPP people did very un-MPP things in the name of the great MPP. What they did for their personal satisfaction, they foolishly thought party people would go and defend. I have stated within this column and elsewhere that I shall never defend any action of any Kufuorhood appointee for one main reason. I have noticed that, ex-appointees think themselves wiser than the word wise. You see, when an issue comes up and you go to them for information, they give you some of the facts; never all. Then in an effort to defend them based on the facts they have given, you realize that they deliberately hid facts from you, which the Order of the Attahood apparatchiks gleefully throw into your face, leaving you with egg yolk dripping down your chin. How do you go defending such people? Perhaps the deliberate withholding of information is to mask the levels of greed that they enjoyed and displayed when they strode the corridors of power. Why did they not keep us all fully apprised of their activities when they were there so that today, when a certain “just employed for the first time” deputy minister gives vent to his vocal cords, any other member of the great MPP can hold him in check? Instead, for fear that great MPP people would know what they benefited while in the hot seat, they either hide the facts, give some of them or just pretend not to have any idea about what is being discussed. Well in that case, “do me I do you” wins the day for you cannot pick and choose what evidence to adduce and expect somebody you probably despised while in office to come to your aid in your time of need. In such cases, there is internal “do me I do you”.

In all truth, the most pathetic of all “do me I do you” is the one that is internally generated. I know people who have bought Brut Champagne (the very big bottles seen more in the type the motor racing winners use for celebration) for a celebration if Ozzie, Tarzan and “short-man-devil” are gaoled. Now these people are the most ardent MPP people I have known in my life but on the aforementioned three, they have no tears. You see, some of these people, like my good friend from Atwima-Kwawoma always recount how their father sacrificed their school fees for the Diminished Order of Kufuorhood only for “short-man-devil” to be playing musical chairs with them even after the Grand Kufuorhood himself had instructed that he be given an appointment that he was qualified for. So when I saw “short-man-devil” at Mr. Afful’s funeral, I almost wept. The man had sacrificed massively for the great MPP. One small DCE that he was looking for, come and see how they tossed the man up and down, conveniently forgetting how he gave his hotels to the great MPP and especially Kufuorhood monks to use in the days of journeying through the wilderness. Now he is gone, he shall not see the “do me I do you” that would certainly be unleashed on “short-man-devil”. May Daavi Ama pray Professor Adu Boahen to remind “short-man-devil” to go make peace with the people he has wronged. As for Ozzie, well now I have my stone back don’t I? Arrogance is what? The man told me in the face that which I can never recount here. However, I shall appeal through my arugba friends and also plead with His Jerryship for him in that matter of the Rice and the Malaysian thing…he knows what I am talking about, even if Buckman the Kofi would also be praying that the full force of arugba “do me I do you” is visited upon his arrogant torso. Politically, it is always prudent and wise to be humble when you make the appointment grade. I hope those who currently stride the corridors of power are reading. Pato, you dey? It is too early to make a certain regional chairman of your party cry maa maa like that in public considering what he had to go through to bring real jaguda and yet…it’s too early to make a regional party chairman cry out like Jesus The Christ: “Attahood Attahood, why hath thou forgotten me so soon”? Which reminds me: why has Quarmyne the Eric Ametor been sidelined so brazenly? Is it a case of early internal “do me I do you” because he was the Director of Communications of the Draft Spio Movement? I thought after the congress that elected His Excellency Attahood to the flag bearership was over, all such ‘fringe operatives’ were absorbed into the campaign. Eric has served and continues to do battle on behalf of the Order of the Attahood. It would only be trite and proper (not necessarily in law) for Eric to be put on some Board now? Huh? Even if he wasn’t sent to the National Media Commission, kitua biara nswa, if Attahhood finishes taking decisions on Merchant Bank for example, Quarmyne the Eric Ametor could be firmly ensconced there. Nokofio baa wa le waa!

An avid reader of this column has asserted that I can never write a piece without delving into national security; he might be right for now. However, this time, I heap tones of praise to Gbevlo the mustached Lartey, Nunoo the threatening Mensah and especially the current ‘action man’ IGP for the swiftness with which they have put a full stop to the wanton and unbridled screeching that was fast becoming the entertainment preference of the sakawa gurus every Sunday in front of the Ghana Trade Fair Company. Last Sunday’s action was as swift as it was decisive and gives us some satisfaction that sanity is likely to prevail under the tenure of these operatives, well, until fissures within their ranks start to become unbridgeable fault lines. Until then, will they kindly exert pressure on the new mayor of Accra to rid the Tetteh Quarshie interchange of all its mushrooming shacks? Jehovah El Shaddai keep you till next week!