Dating You Doesn't Make Me Your Father

: Renegotiating Monetary Relations between Men and Women in Ghana.

About 20 -30 years ago, Ghana started operation-send-your-girl-child-to-school. Rather than keeping their girl-child in the kitchen, parents were "encouraged" to empower their female children by sending them to school.

In those days, it was customary for men to be more or less entirely responsible for the financial well-being of their wives and women they were in relationships with. Men controlled resources because they either went to school or learned a trade. And our tradition, to make things worse, also forbade women from holding properties in their names.

Consequently, women receiving education came with it access to the labor force and holding properties in their names and with this access to means of production and capital. The modern Ghanaian man in the city is rarely more educated than his female counterpart. Modern labor market is leaving more and more men unemployed. Education and banking services, healthcare and other emerging professional jobs have open unprecedented doors to women in the labor market. The economical situation coupled with the sociological transformation pose a new challenge to relationships in Ghana. The ongoing liberation of women from the shackles of economic dependency means the monetary relations between men and women also need re-negotiation. And this is something thoughtful women know so well.

But here you are calling yourself educated--emancipated-- and yet seriously arguing a man must prove his manhood to you by taking all your financial responsibilities on himself? What makes you think any man owes you anything? And what the hell does he get in return? Sex? For Christ's sake, we can always get sex cheaper elsewhere-- sometimes even for free. We are looking for partners and egalitarian male-female relationships and not people to adopt and literally take care of.

But if I'm going to pay and take care of you, you have to be content to be a slave in the relationship. Your fundamental psychological need for appreciation and love would be neglected by me. In addition, I will treat you like a non-sexual being and that means, each sexual encounter would solely be about my desire. I am aware there are men who still allow you to capitalize on your youthful looks and huge ass, but a revolution is coming.

Those of us who know what real love entails, are aware that relationships are more affectionate and altogether delightful when the couples' relations to one another are not mercenary. It's tolerable if a teenage girl wants a mature man to finance her childish and selfish desires in exchange for sex but another thing altogether when a grown up working woman thinks she can use her big ass to bully and order men around-- men these same women claim to be looking forward to establishing a future together with. Once again, the key phrase is: helping each other out in a mutually beneficial relationship! In the past women depending on men was both socially and economically justifiable. But what's the basis today? And let's leave sex out of the argument since the modern Ghanaian woman is as highly sexed as her partner. And she isn't ashamed nor afraid to demand orgasm as the goal of every sexual encounter--just like her male counterpart. So what then do men really get in return? Whatever happened to the independent woman? When will some women in Ghana get the idea that using breast, vagina and sex to extract resources is the definition of prostitution? But then, there are many women out there who know their worth! My own mother didn't sex herself up to bring up five children, so I know what honorable women are capable of doing and that’s why I'm not showing any sympathy here.

The double standard must stop. You can’t be craving for independence and equality and still want to hold onto the old role plays in relationships. There's nothing wrong in giving present as a way of showing love if the love is mutual and wholehearted or if you are out of work and there's a significant need for help but nobody should finance any girl's life just because she's got breast and the other thing. There's no free ride in life and it is very annoying such ladies give the wonderful hard working women- women willing to cooperate with men- a bad name.

But why do men even play along, anyway? These woman ask for equal rights. They work, they get paid. So even if its not a lot, they must learn to live within their means and not look for men to sponsor their trifling lifestyle. Not even their parents would sponsor such nonsense lifestyle. Men were not put on this earth to look after women. We are merely here to support each.

Everyday I see my mother go to work, slaving herself to do lowly paid jobs in order to support home and some girls just want to be handed everything free in life just because they think they’ve got golden titties and honey-coated holes. Dear readers, please excuse my language but this is totally annoying and out of touch with reality considering the economic hardship in Ghana.

In 1998, Ghana's Gross National Product was 16% lower than in 1970. This means that Ghanaians were better off in in the 1970s than we are now. In a continent that contributes to less than 3% of world’s economy, ordinary Ghanaians cannot depend on the state for health, energy, education, food, sanitation, water, housing, transportation and so. Logically, it follows that it is almost impossible for a household to depend on a single source of income, unless this person is among the few emerging super rich who do not depend on monthly salaries or holds an important position in the government.

But we can't allow our women to do all the housework and at the same time expect them to help out financially. Keeping the house in order, babysitting, cooking and cleaning will also need the extra hand of the man. And that’s exactly the argument of my next topic.

Dominic Mensah.