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Ghanaian married women should stop being control freaks in their marriages

Are You Happily Married File Photo of a couple

Sat, 30 Jan 2021 Source: Rockson Adofo

The sad revelations and developments during and after the funeral of the late former President Jerry John Rawlings have moved me to author this publication. It is no secret to many a Ghanaian that some publicly unknown persons have emerged from nowhere to announce that they are the biological children of the deceased former President. Whether they actually are or not, it does not negate the essence of this publication about the fact that some Ghanaian married women are unreasonably control freaks.

Who is a control freak and what are the signs of a control freak? The following definition and signs as obtained from the internet will help make things easier for me and my readers.

“In the slang of psychology, the colloquial term control freak describes a person with a personality disorder characterized by undermining other people, usually by way of controlling behavior manifested in the ways that they act to dictate the order of things in a social situation”.

Some of the signs that might suggest someone has a controlling personality are:

1. They make you think everything's your fault.

2. They criticize you all the time.

3. They don't want you to see the people you love.

4. They keep score.

5. They gaslight you ( to cause (a person) to doubt his or her sanity through the use of psychological manipulation).

6. They create drama.

7. They intimidate you.

8. They're moody.

How could such a bold personality and a fighter for the wellbeing of the ordinary people, believing in much-touted utopian principles that moved him to stage successful coup d’états that culminated in the execution by firing squad of perceived nation wreckers, deny his own children by ‘side chicks’ fatherhood? If the two women and the man who have come public are saying nothing but the truth, then their abandonment by their father could be for a few reasons among them are;

a)He was very young when he gave birth to them. At that time, he was scared that by acknowledging their pregnancies and birth, his parents would deal ruthlessly with him. This attitude was once the order and very prevalent in Ghana. Many school-going adults or young boys had done the same.

b) He might not have been aware that the probably one night stands or brief relationships he had had with the mothers of the children had resulted in pregnancies and births.

c) The mothers might have never informed him of their pregnancies, telling him he was responsible hence not conveying it to his attention, the birth of the children.

d) He could be afraid of his wife hence continually denying his secret biological children.

In case the fourth reason was why he forever refused to recognize the children as his, then I am afraid he was after all, not the audacious and fair-minded person that we all knew him to be, with his wife clearly coming out as a control freak.

It is the character of many a so-called modern-day married Ghanaian women to resist their husbands from not only marrying a second woman but engaging in any extramarital affairs. It must be noted that the Ghanaian culture as in writing, permits a man to marry more than one wife, thus, polygamy is not prohibited in Ghana. However, today’s Ghanaian women who are whiter than white, wiser than the white person they are emulating, will do whatever it takes to prevent their husband from availing himself of the Ghanaian culture in this regard.

Hear ye, this true story of mine. Once in Paris (France) in 1995 or thereabout, I had a frank conversation with my line manager (name withheld). I was nice with him. Luckily, all my Managers have always been nice to, and with, me. I said, “You white people are hypocrites. You marry one woman but have many girlfriends and even do sleep with other men’s wives. However, when a black man marries more than one woman, you claim he is uncivilized. You see polygamous life as illegal, thus bigamy, but is going after someone else’s wife not worse than officially marrying more than one woman?” He replied saying, “Yes, it is better to have one wife and sleep with other men’s wives. When you go out with someone’s wife, you can enjoy free sex. You don’t have to spend on her. Her husband would have provided her all that she needs. She can’t complain about anything even if you don’t give her money or do something bad to her. For if she does, her husband will find out and she will be in trouble. Therefore, it is better to have one wife and peacefully have extramarital affairs with married women”

Additionally, if white men were legally allowed to marry more than one woman, there would not be that level of divorce cases as we witness in the United Kingdom. In some cases, the men go for their Personal Assistants (PA), thus, Secretaries. When their wives get to know about it, they divorce the wives and go for their PA girlfriends. On the contrary, they could have kept both of women if the law permitted them. In practice, the law does not allow them to marry more than one woman at a time but they find a way around it to satisfy their immoral sexual urges through friendships and extramarital affairs.

I have narrated this story to show how Ghanaians have over-copied certain lives of the whites they find convenient but not their ingenuity and intelligence that they transform into production of the things needed for their collective benefits and the strengthening of their nations.

It is very pronounced the controlling attitudes by Ghanaian married women abroad. They appear to be wearing the trousers while the husbands are those wearing the ladies underwear. The man must do her bidding at the crack of her fingers and shouts.

If indeed the children are Rawlings’, then it is a shame that he abandoned them and could not even help them for all the years that he ruled Ghana, if he knew about their existence.

I was told that once in Kumawu when someone who was four years my senior at Tweneboa Kodua Secondary School died, something seemingly unusual happened. He left Tweneboa Kodua Secondary School in May/June 1972 after completing his secondary school education. In his married life, he had almost sixteen secret children. They were only to be introduced in public on his death and at his funeral. About five women came along with their children to introduce themselves at his funeral. Among them were Northerners, Asantes and you just name it, they were there. He had children by all of them. His real and known wife never knew some of them or their existence. Nonetheless, she neither rejected the children nor prevented the women and the children from performing their traditional duties or rites at the funeral.

What has transpired at the late President Rawlings’ funeral must be a lesson to those Ghanaian men who hide their children from their controlling wives for fear of divorce or whatever. If you are hiding them, at least do care for them but not to leave them at the mercy of the ravages of life as it is probably the case of J.J. Rawlings if the children are indeed his.

Why could he accept his alleged son from Israel but not those from Ghana? I cannot understand it. Are the people come out to claim paternal relationship to him telling nothing but the absolute truth? If yes, then there must be a Sibling DNA Test. If the test turns out positive, then they must be embraced into the Rawlingses family.

I advise Ghanaian women to cease being control freaks or else, the men will deny the children by their side chicks recognition, only to be shamed on their laying in state when dead.

Columnist: Rockson Adofo