Has COVID-19 prompted a relationship MOT?

Dr Gaisie 456 Dr. Annie Gaisie

Thu, 7 May 2020 Source: Dr. Annie Gaisie

Love should be the main reason why you should get married.

Not for convenience and definitely not for pity. I guess the question will be.

What is love and how do you know you are in love or they are in love with you?

I will leave that with you to figure out today. But remember to get your answer right.

If all the reasons why you want to stay with someone revolve around not being alone, worries about not being able to meet other people, aging, - rather than actual qualities they possess then,

you love your life with them more than you love them.

You can never shake that "not quite right" feeling.

You think to yourself that you've already spent so much time with them. They're the only decent person you've dated so you better hold on for dear life. They maybe the only person who was willing to give you commitment so you decided to settle for that.

You have them in your life not because they are adding something, but because they address lack.

Your reasons are mostly rooted in fear or insecurity, mostly over not being able to find another person or do better.

You need a Relationship MOT.

When all you have in common is history. Your goals, hobbies, ideas, needs- have drifted so far in opposite directions that if you met now, without the shared history, you'd both acknowledge that you're not compatible.

If something, like planning a basic outing, or sharing a meal from the same plate means sacrificing, then you need a relationship MOT.

Part of us should be grateful for the pandemic.

Not for the painful death or distress to human life but because it might be the reason we survive in our relationships and revisit our values.

Covid-19, the deadly coronavirus strain that has affected homes, businesses, travel plans, and health schedules around the world. Could be a wake up call to assessing our love life.

Are we in the right relationship?

We can emerge from the health crisis as more conscientious humans. We need to find new values —values of simple experience, of what love truly means to us. It might just turn the world around for the better.

Relationship MOT:

For plenty of people, when they get stressed out, love or relationship is the last thing on their mind. Between worrying about finance, children, parents, how to manage a routine, a lot of things can point toward not doing it, because you’re so focused on surviving.

Still, in such unusual circumstances, we have time to reflect. Time to piece the whole puzzle together and find the missing piece.

Then we can make the decision to fix it for a complete set, or let it go because is too much work.

Give yourself a chance to love again but make sure you are doing it for you and for all the right reasons – that both parties are in love.

It’s easy in words to want to change another person, but you cannot affect change if the other party is not ready to.

Sometimes the burden of change outweighs the quality of the relationship.

MOT gives us the opportunity to get it near right.

No one is perfect but we can still find our perfect match.

MOT simply means: checking that all is well in a relationship and paying attention to what needs more input from you.

By: Dr. Annie Gaisie, Psychologist - Addictive Behaviour.

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Columnist: Dr. Annie Gaisie