How Do You Deal With a Difficult Mother-In-law?

Recently, I have been reading up and listening to accounts of Mother-In-Laws in their son/daughter’s marriage. To put this in our Ghanaian context, some Mother-In-Laws are very warm, friendly, family-like, generous, pleasant, easygoing and fun to be around. In our Ghanaian society, we generally follow the traditional custom and respectfully address them ‘Asew’ [in-law] or ‘Maame’ [mum]. However, there’re times, some of the stories about MILs [for the sake of brevity for Mother-In-Laws] could pass as scripts for a sitcom or horror movie.

Refreshingly, the old stereotype suggests that Father-In-Laws are somehow nice. Critically, many women despise their MILs for being controlling, interfering and bitchy! This is not an uncommon phenomenon among Ghanaians, as many have been accused of having ruined marriages. One of the most daunting of challenges of marriage can arise when you’re faced with a bitter MIL or caught in a constant conflict with an interfering one. Now, lets assume you and your husband are happily married after a whirlwind courtship and a fairytale wedding, but you’ve a ‘MIL from hell’. This becomes even more complicated when she lives in the same marital home.

In many cases, when a MIL hates her daughter-in-law, she usually doesn’t care how her own son feels. During your courtship, you met your prospective MIL, who gave nothing away about her remarkable mean-spirited attitude. She even patted you on the back as every inch the model daughter-in-law she’s been praying for. In the end, when all the excitement has died down after honeymoon period, the novelty of being a wife and husband truly begins. Most MILs often assume that daughters-in-law are terrible manipulators who control their son’s lives. This is not always true. More often, the MIL just doesn’t want to face the fact that, she must now stand behind another woman in her son’s life. Another issue is the mother feels a little less important to her child she struggled to bring up, and does not see why she should be ‘neglected’. Some MILs still see the couple as ‘son/daughter’ rather than spouse. Mothers are, by instinct, protective of their children. Some see marriage as breaking the bond and relationship between them and their children. These maternal instincts sometimes, overstep bounds. Your MIL repeatedly hurts you, emotionally, psychologically and physically. She bemoans everything about you from your fashion sense to cooking. She stabs you in the back to other family members, she criticises you in dismissive and rude manner and treat you with cold contempt. In the circumstances, you begin to think at the back of your mind, if only you knew, but the knot has been tied! Against this unhappy backdrop, your unsupportive husband still expects you to put up with his mother’s behaviour, after tolerating so much. What are some of the inherent Ghanaian marital and socio-cultural issues resulting to this phenomenon? And how do you deal with such difficult MIL? Marriage is no bed of roses! Sometimes, you’ve to bend over backwards to stay together.

Author: Lonto-Boy