How to eat kenkey properly; on a not-too-serious note

As a Ga gentleman,I usually find it most uncomfortable how some people go about the eating of my beloved kenkey.

Nothing is more heartbreaking than seeing a beautiful lady or a respectable gentleman, scraping his palms with the upper incisors of his teeth or using the handle of a spoon to remove 'strayed' kenkey particles from their palms. Some even have traces of kenkey on both their left and right palms after eating.

What is that?!! Even people have stopped eating crab with two hands. You guys who give kenkey a bad name are warned,ok? You can eat kenkey expertly like me if you want to. Let me take you through some stuff.

Chewing of Kenkey: If you have ever done that,let me give you a few seconds to ask for forgiveness. Kenkey is never chewed! You see,you should wriggle it-like how you eat very hot kelewele with your tongue. The way kenkey is designed eh,if you chew it like how you chew groundnuts,it would sneak into the innermost corners of your masticating machinery-your teeth,I mean. Already kenkey 'bites' because it’s fermented. And look at you trying to chew it.

Let your fingers do the job: I think the colour similarity of kenkey to gari confuses some of you. In that,you press and squeeze kenkey as hard as you do to gari. O my sister,why? This is utmost disrespect to the ‘king of cloth-wearing’ foods. Just gently massage the kenkey with your fingers. Not for too long though-just enough so your teeth aren't tempted to bite into it.

Eating kenkey naked or with clothes on: I just wanted to say,should kenkey be eaten with the husk still on it or it should be completely removed? It's one of the most debated issues in the kenkey-eating fraternity. Ok,so should you remove all the husk before eating kenkey? The answer is 'Not Really'. Isn't it amazing that with the husk still around it,you can 'murder' a ball of kenkey and no one would know?

This is because the husk prevents the kenkey from being smeared all over the bowl. I know you are thinking,"Oo it's true". Of course it true! (The guys who are excited,please it doesn't mean you shouldn't wash the bowl after eating).

The husk also makes the eating of kenkey more adventurous and exciting. And you see people removing all the husk before eating,o bro what is that? Come on,I know kenkey's cousin,fanti kenkey is always overdressed,wearing plenty clothes as if it’s an eskimo. When you remove its clothes too,waaa look, severely diminished size. Just deception.

With the real Ga kenkey,what you see is what you get. I therefore don't see the reason why you should make the kenkey sit in the plate all naked,cold and lonely. Where is your modesty? In fact,anyone who constantly removes all the husk of the kenkey before eating is a pervert. Finish!

Now go and be kenkey experts. Thank you.