In Politics: A Piss Today Can Make ...

Or Unmake You Tomorrow

If my comprehension of the Queen’s language is anything to go by then pissing to me is just another word for urinating. In fact I wonder how anybody can be him or herself without a piss or two everyday. This points out to the fact that as humans as we are pissing is an integral part of our daily activities in order to keep us going. Hence I don’t see why any reasonable person would deny himself [herself] from pissing thus unless that person wants to destroy his [her] bladder or life on the whole and it would be ridiculous for anyone to do that. Someone may ask; why all these thoughts about pissing. My answer to that person is simple thus for the past few months the word “pissing” seems to be walking majestically on the corridors of our political scene and I don’t think that it [pissing] would be walking away any time soon. Indeed we are all witnesses to the “Art of Pissing” that is gradually being used by both politicians in government and those in opposition. Although many may say that it is a very good development in our politics; we must be smart to know that it comes with its own challenges. And if these challenges are not well handled they can make or unmake our various political parties in this country [i.e. NDC, NPP, CPP, PNC and the others].

Though some are busy pissing at the right place with the right intentions; others are just pissing at the wrong place with the wrong intentions not forgetting those who are forcing themselves to piss just because they’ve seen others who’re pissing being praised. In fact people are pissing from all angles to all corners of their political territories forgetting that the awful smells that come out of their own pisses can be used against them by their opponents when it is necessary. I am not saying that people shouldn’t piss just because others would use it against them but they must piss strategically so as to avoid giving their opponents unnecessary weapons that would be used in firing at them when the “political war” is at its climax. Well, pissing in politics is an art and until we learn some of its basic rules thus we are likely to goof whenever we do it.

Pissing strategically in politics is just like the normal pissing [i.e. urinating] thus most at times similar rules apply. In view of this let us take a critical look at a few points that everyone needs to consider when he or she feels like pissing:

(A) WHO AM I: This raises the question of the kind of person you are; that is whether you are a carefully behaved person or a carelessly behaved one? It also poses the question of your status in the society and if it has any influence on how you do your things or not? For instance a carelessly behaved person wouldn’t mind pissing on the streets in the full glare of passersby; all in his quest to satisfy his [her] pissing desire. Again a person [i.e. Lawyer or Security Officer or any other person] who wouldn’t allow his [her] status in a society to influence his sense of judgment would also be more than willing to park his car at the side of the streets and piss on his [her] car tyre; all in his [her] quest to satisfy the pissing desire. Hence the above mentioned people in their quest to piss would not be willing to go round asking people of direction to the nearest urinal at their current location thus because to them pissing anywhere is okay; after all a piss is a piss thus it is natural and everybody does it. On the other hand people who are carefully behaved and think that their status in the society matters a lot would go round till they find themselves a good place to piss. In the same view when it comes to our political parties there are people who would piss carelessly or carefully by either taking into consideration their status in their party or not; in their quest to piss. For instance if a stalwart politician within a political party decides to make the art of pissing carelessly his [her] hobby; it may send the wrong signals to the ordinary members [foot-soldiers] and this could have a negative implication on that party regardless of the fact that his [her] piss might have being necessary. Therefore anytime you feel like pissing just ask yourself this simple question of who you are and after quietly answering that question you can go ahead to make a choice as this may inform your choice of where, when and how to piss.

(B) IS THIS THE TIME TO PISS: Asking yourself this question before pissing can save you from any unnecessary embarrassment. Indeed we all have the right to piss at anytime but like any other right it comes along with a responsibility and that responsibility must be put into consideration anytime we want to exercise that right. For instance I wonder how many buses would ever get to their destination on time if all the people in it decide to piss at anytime of their choice especially buses that go on the longer journeys. This puts to light the fact that timing is a necessity when it comes to the art of pissing so for any politician to think that timing is not necessary when it comes to the art of pissing is a way of believing in his [her] own lies. Pissing at the wrong time can make you look ridiculous regardless of the fact that you may have had a good reason for pissing.

(C) WHY AM I PISSING: In fact the intention behind the pissing is also an integral part of the pissing art. For instance during my Senior Secondary School days I saw people intentionally pissing on the beds and in the bathing waters of others as a form of revenge. Indeed this form of pissing may sound ridiculous but that is how ridiculous people may be willing to go in order to pay others back for something they might have done to them. And in politics some people would be more than willing to embark on such acts in order to pay others back thus telling you that they also have the right to piss.

(D) IS IT RIGHT TO PISS HERE: This is where the controversy normally comes thus is it right to piss in the open or one should always be forced to piss in-door. My answer to this simple question is that it depends on the situation at any given time and at a given place or location. For instance if you are travelling from one place to another in Ghana especially during long journeys like from Accra to Kumasi, the probability of stopping by the road-side in order to piss is very high. Some people would say that you can wait till you get to a place [i.e. a fuel or filling station] where a urinal can be found before you piss. Then I also raise the question that how many of these places [i.e. urinals] can be found on our roads and how decent are these urinals and what is the level of proximity between these places; so you see, doing it by the roadside can be defended to some extent with this argument. However the fact of the matter is that wrong is wrong regardless of why it was done and a norm is a norm until it is changed. Let’s take Ghana for instance it is an illegal norm to see people pissing on the streets of Accra without any indication of shame on their faces or with their posture. On the other hand you go to other countries and you dare not spit in the streets, how much more pissing. Hence one would be right in saying that in Ghana our illegal norm supersedes the wrongful act thus we’ve made pissing on streets more preferably than pissing in-doors. And until we get serious in addressing this problem of pissing, it will continue to exist. This brings to mind the question of; when is it politically right for a politician to piss on his [her] own political colleagues in an awful manner in the full glare of his opponents even though he [she] could have done so in-doors with the right mechanisms in place. In actual fact there are many other points that can be considered when it comes to this “political pissing“such as; what is the attitude of those who handle the urinal thus are they receptive or not, arrogant or not, gibberish or not, analytical or not. Not forgetting the kind of language the pissers use on those who handle the urinal thus is it derogatory or not and what kind of posture do they put up when they go to piss. These and many other considerations would have to be made in order to create a very conducive atmosphere for anyone who wants to embark on a pissing trip. However for the sake of space and time I think that the few points elaborated on above can help us all to understand the “Art of Pissing” to some extent.

Now back to our political pissing, I laugh aloud anytime I hear people making vague comparison of our politics to the likes of the U.K and U.S without relating it to the situations within our local terrain. For instance in the U.K or U.S their politicians may decide to piss in public although they have a well structured mechanism that will allow them to enjoy an in-door pissing with all the comfort they deserve not forgetting the fact those who even piss in public do so tactfully and strategically. However this does not mean that our politicians should not be allowed to piss just because there are no better structures in place to encourage our pissing art especially in political parties thus our politicians need to piss by applying a little common sense.

Subsequently it will be good for our politicians to start thinking of how to put in place good mechanisms that will ensure more in-door pissing not forgetting putting in place guidelines to also regulate those who would want to piss in public. Thus our democratic practitioners [politicians] should put in place mechanisms that would encourage all those who want to piss be it those who want to piss in-door or those who will like to piss out-door. And to those who think that they have the right to piss and would piss on anybody, anyhow, anywhere and at anytime; all I can say to them is that a piss today can make or unmake you so the earlier they learn to piss tactfully and strategically the better for themselves, our political parties and our country as a whole.

By Obibinii Paa-Kwasi Obibiniipeekay@gmail.com