'Kasoa Airport'

Yaovi, you dey there? How far? You hear the news? Please don’t mistaken it for something else and abuse it o. That is not what has been passed into law o.

The same thing uncle Ganyaglo did when they said akpeteshie was now legal and then he went into distilling it only for his personal consumption and then, I am sure you remember the liver problem that killed him though he is half alive.

Ganyaglo is my uncle noted for all the wrong reasons. When he asks you to look up, please don’t; just keep looking where you were looking. He was the one who I used to accompany to the drinking bar those days.

As time went on, I started learning from him especially anytime he had had to warn the plain liquid to behave itself when it gets in there. On our way back, when he is staggering to the right, I would be staggering to the left. We would fall down small and clap for ourselves when we regain some ‘take-me-home’ stability!

Yaovi, on the other hand, is my nephew and a driver’s mate or what we used to call ‘aplankey’ in Accra. He and his Master Donneh were plying the Madina-Circle route. As the P.R.O and Head of Marketing for the trotro business, Yaovi would typically shout to call passengers: ‘Circle Circle Circle’ or Madina Old Road Madina Old Road’. Then someone introduced him to the illegal herbs and told him it would get him to the ‘promised land’ if he smoked it.

Really? When he started, when they are on their way to Circle for instance, he would start: ‘Rossia, Yukraine, ‘Rossia, Yukraine’. So his master reprimanded him for this unusual announcement of destination.

He explained to his master that someone had introduced him to the ‘thing’ that takes people to the promised land. So anytime he took it, it takes him to where he desired to be and not where they are physically going, like Madina or Circle.

His master was like, it was not true. Master tried to give it a shot the next day in the presence of Yaovi. He ‘sipped’ the first one and said but he knows and could still tell he is still going to Circle. Yaovi asked him to sip again.

He did but still though this time, it took his master to Kaneshie, beyond the actual destination. After the third sip, his master started screaming: ‘Holland, France, Australia, Japan’.

Then Yaovi felt vindicated. They started abusing it till one day, they found themselves climbing the Abori mountains and saw the valleys as a swimming pool. With all the passengers on board who hired them to a wedding in the Eastern Region screaming Jesus Jesus Jesus. And then suddenly I woke up from my dream just last night o. Hahahahahahahaha!

It’s Friday and allow yourself loose as problem no dey finish but beware of drugs and their effects on the human person. Akpeteshie used to be illegal (I was told) but when it was eventually legalized, abuse be what! The good news is that due to public education and sensitization, majority of people don’t drink it. Let’s all be excited of the latest development on the other eyi because of the commercial and medical advantages and not the abuse which may not be good for majority of us.

Come to think of it, the way those two countries are entertaining the world is someway o. Anyway, let’s leave them to ‘do business’.

You are welcome to the ‘Useless Column’ once again.

Here, only abstracts things that don’t matter are here o. We go up and come down basabasa and no personal, emotional, physical, mental, psychological, educational, informational, divisional, connectivity problem o. You see you can’t brofo well?

For example, when Amasaman became a church and Kasoa Airport was a swimming pool at the airport where the ship was about to sail to Koforidua to dock at market day at Asesewa and then we would go for cassava fish from the meat of a whale that has docked at Oda on its way further down to Laterbiorkorshie in a small village called East Legon! Hahahahahaha! Seyiaaaaaa! Get ready to be confused like the way me myself I am confused with no single dot of wisdom in here, but in a relaxed manner.

If you want to be happy, come and be my neighbor at Kasoa. Everything dey here. Anytime I hear anything about that controversial prophetess who is my neighbour in Kasoa, I get angry. But here is the irony: anytime I see any post / publication about her on social media, I am tempted to open and read.

As I start reading, something would tell me to stop but that same something would tell me to continue reading to the end. How do we describe this condition in Psychology? Eish, Auntie Gradaaaa! Hmmm! Gye Nyame!

Take life easy because our journey together is so short even if we have to live a thousand years. Laugh with people even if you know they don’t like you. Your frowning won’t change anything; it would only choke your lungs.

After all, you too it is not everybody you like. No bi so? Hahahahahaha! Come on, laugh laugh laugh let’s go oooo! But remember the people I am asking to laugh their problems off are not those with diarrhoea and coughing problems o, yoooo!

Those who think I don’t know tomorrow may be deceiving themselves. I know paaa. Tomorrow is Saturday but as to what happens tomorrow, I can only make assumptions. A very good friend of mine Pibi was so engrossed in work exactly a week today because he needed to finish some report before Monday July 10.

He got the stress out of himself and got the job done. Clap for him er! He passed on suddenly on Sunday 9th. You can trust the way of the world - on Monday 10th July, someone replaced him in the position he held. Who lost? His family and close relations, anaa? Go on leave o. Don’t be like me! The world can wait! Your family needs you.

Greetings o, the Global President of the Useless Column International, Mr Paul Ampadu Yeboah! This man get wisdom like Solomon. He is so loyal and faithful to his wife that I want to learn from him, not Solomon. Ajeeeeei!

Many men are hot these days. Some of us on the quiet because our matter is not out there…yet! If the ladies don’t come and say it in their radio interviews in local languages or write about them in hard copy, we write it ourselves like I am doing now. In the past, these things only came out after the death of our forefathers not when they were still alive.

This Friday evening, the guest houses and movie houses would be filled to capacity again. Men, we don’t learn o, not even from our own mistakes or we should be castrated? No; it will pain us o! Hahaaa!

Probably nothing annoys me more than driving in traffic in one lane and seeing a nice lady with ‘loads’ packed in some fabric walking past on the pavement and while attempting to catch proper glimpse of her, a trotro usually sprinter buses come to block your view thus preventing your eyes from ‘enjoying’ the little ‘food for the eyes’. That thing can pain er. Ha!

Don’t underestimate what your stomach can take when you see food o! Last night, after dinner was served, I told my wife that doctor says I shouldn’t eat in the night so I will eat only a little. I ended up finishing the whole bowl of banku and okro soup! All bcos of cholesterol and pot belly, my doctors ‘deceived’ me not to eat in the night and it was a true ‘deception’.

Meanwhile some of them eat in the night more than you can imagine. Have you realized that many doctors sometimes do the things they ask us not to do? They ask you to take your medications on time; most don’t take medications at all! Medical doctors hardly fall sick but when you hear that a doctor has headache, pray for him o because….ajeeeii!

I am yet to see any man who would not say: “as for me, my wife was a virgin when I married her”. Men are bad o. We change some of them their statuses from virgin to eyi and expect to marry fresh ones. You lie bad! Anyway, I don’t expect you to say otherwise.

Who do you expect to say otherwise? Me? Hehehehe! That just reminded me of a week to my wedding and pastor said: “during the wedding next week, you would kiss your wife for the first time’. Me and my wife laughed saaaaa. We are still laughing. For the first time? For the where? Abeg, make I pass go my somewhere.

Enjoy your weekend but please ensure that before taking any action, you would be ready to answer questions arising therefrom when things don’t go the way you want. God be with us all! Tataaaaa!