Kofi Dubai Activates Operation Opanagate

November 27, 2015

Dear Country Folks,

I am sure you can tell that I am in quite an excited if not giddy mood. So giddy am I that (as I informed you at a rally two weeks ago), some “friendly” Chiefs and Clergy even called me to advise that I tone down on my uncharacteristic ebullient mood. Those Chiefs and Clergy who phoned me, what do they know about running for Presidential office? Tweaaa.

Yes, as I was saying, I am in a very excited mood. You dear country folks wouldn’t know how this particular mood feels like. Only two living Ghanaians, Kofi Diawuo and Kofi Boom can possibly have experienced it. Why? Because they have sat on the Mighty Stool. But I can tell you a bit about what brought about this feeling.

Well, I have launched Operation Opanagate. Yes, you heard right, “Opanagate”. That is the name my Operations Team came up with. I liked the name instantly. And I liked the clandestine plan to go with it even better. I have a very capable Operations Team, you know, that I use for, well, Operations.

Now Operations Opanagate was designed a few months ago. Its go-live date was scheduled for a year before the November 2016 Elections. Operation Opanagate aims at defeating the prediction of the Economic Intelligence Unit (EIU) regarding the 2016 Elections. As you might have heard, the EIU whose predictions have proved deadly accurate in the past has predicted that the Opana Party will win in the Elections in 2016. And naturally, I cannot let that happen. I have made some very strategic appointments this year: a madam here, a Koti man there, an Anas Judge in between. But those will not be enough to ensure that the EIU’s prediction falls flat on its face. I cannot afford to take any chances hence Operation Opanagate.

Part of the grand design of Operations Opanagate is to create excitement in the body politic. So when you saw that rather un-presidential indignation on my part and name-calling spree, that was part of the plan in action. With the active connivance of some willing Judases in the Opana Party, Operation Opanagate is funding and fueling the belligerence and “yentiee obiaa” attitude of a few folks in the Opana Party. I have buttered both sides of the bread of these Judases. Who say money no good? Money swine is working wonders. But the best is yet to come!

Operation Opanagate is not all about softly softly. There is some buga buga too which is meant to show the opanas where power lies. Dear Country folks, you got a whiff of the buga buga aspect earlier this week with that raid, at an unholy hour, on the Headquarters of the Opana Party. The modus operandi of that operation was not as stealthy as Watergate was but the end result justified the means. Money can go a long way. Calling in presidential favors of some strategically placed folks also helped. Dear Country folks, after watching Anas’ “Justice for Sale” documentary, never be in doubt that if a Judge will drop his wig at the sight of a goat and a wad of cedis, uniforms will be shed for less. So now there is excitement in the Opana Party over the raid, a situation I have barely begun to exploit.

The next group to be affected by the antics of Operation Opanagate will be all of you country folks. I am going to push the envelope as far as the World Bank will permit me. Already, I have negotiated with them to permit some of their harsh recommendations to take place beginning 2017. So in the meantime, of what I can get away with, I shall flood you with “e dey bee keh keh” goodies to create the anticipated excitement. I can almost hear the chants from the sycophants, the fanatics, and the naive…”oh President Kofi Dubai has finally done it…we told you he will do it…he is not incompetent….look at the numerous unprecedented projects…e dey bee keh keh”.

The best part is that all that money spent on “e dey bee ker ker” programs and buga buga activities will not affect my retirement nest. I cannot say the same about your NHIS much less about your retirement nest. I know I am not competent to solve your problems. You also know it. But you are as indecisive as I am so my Party will keep on with the pretence that we care for you.

Your “incompetency”

Kofi Dubai

Gilbert Adu Gyimah

Gilly.gyimah@gmail.com

Alberta, Canada