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Letter From The President: Aphrodisiac Nation

Fri, 15 Oct 2004 Source: J. A. Fukuor/Daily Dispatch

Countrymen and women, ?against? people and loyal bootlickers,
The political heat in the country has severely affected my libido. Mama Tess and all my other girlfriends are complaining. It?s not that I can?t ?fire?. My problem is that my firing power (and range) has reduced dramatically since I started touring some parts of the country as part of my campaign, under the guise of ?official work?.
I decided to tell my bosom friend about my predicament. He laughed when I explained things to him. In fact, he almost laughed himself to tears. But just when I was getting angry he asked me that I should be listening to the radio for ?an effective, no-nonsense remedy to my problem?. When I got home, I tuned my radio to about six different stations within an hour. Within that period, I got more than I expected. I heard about 20 different adverts for drugs purporting to help men ?go far with their wives?, ?travel long distance?, ?enjoy their journeys?, ?put the fear of God in their wives?, ?avoid forced landing?, and so many other catchphrases which simply mean that the drugs will help a man?s libido rise so high on the bedmatics scale.

Countrymen and women, ?against? people and loyal bootlickers,
The political heat in the country has severely affected my libido. Mama Tess and all my other girlfriends are complaining. It?s not that I can?t ?fire?. My problem is that my firing power (and range) has reduced dramatically since I started touring some parts of the country as part of my campaign, under the guise of ?official work?.
I decided to tell my bosom friend about my predicament. He laughed when I explained things to him. In fact, he almost laughed himself to tears. But just when I was getting angry he asked me that I should be listening to the radio for ?an effective, no-nonsense remedy to my problem?. When I got home, I tuned my radio to about six different stations within an hour. Within that period, I got more than I expected. I heard about 20 different adverts for drugs purporting to help men ?go far with their wives?, ?travel long distance?, ?enjoy their journeys?, ?put the fear of God in their wives?, ?avoid forced landing?, and so many other catchphrases which simply mean that the drugs will help a man?s libido rise so high on the bedmatics scale.

Columnist: J. A. Fukuor/Daily Dispatch