Love Story - Words of a bleeding heart

Dedication to Nanaama

By: Fadi Dabbousi

My dearest Lady of all ladies,

I wish I could have referred to you as "my darling" but for the purpose of this singular occasion, I shall desist knowing that you feign discomfort whenever I refer to you as such.

I never asked you for the world that you never had; I only asked for the heart that contained your world, big and accommodating. Mine was a routine until you came along; things happened that were beyond comprehension but, all the same, they did occur. I could not fathom the idea of losing you…but I did.

Life became a series of sordid roller coaster rides, spinning now and tossing me then; it seemed I became lost in my own dilemma; and I stopped loving. The only ones I continued to love more than I do my life were my children and I pray GOD to keep them, for even if I lost the whole universe, they would remain more important to me. I love them so passionately that you'd go crazy just trying to understand. My Dad once told me, after a bout of belligerence, that I would never know what he felt for me until I had my own; verily it was so and I pray GOD to keep him resting in perfect peace.

I have been lonely for the most part of my life. I lost touch with the world of passion, affection and emotion until I met this gorgeous gal. I do not want to cry for what brews in my heart and soul for her but I am crying for what I have missed all along.

Is it wrong for me to fall in love? Is it wrong that I should chase after my desire? Is it wrong that I should be sincere about emotions and passion that seem to flow endlessly like a river from the bosom of mother earth, its beginning is never known and its end just flooding the rivers and oceans? Is it wrong that I should want to live my life like any other normal human being?

Forgive me but I am just another man, albeit.....just another man in love!!!

But in love with who? With what?

I have tried to decipher the silent messages that carried connotations of sweet dreams and ecstatic feelings never before felt by man (I think). The purpose of this letter is to neither disturb you nor bedevil you with unsavoury discourse, which this one is not, but to expatiate on a love that has been brewing for four years in your African pot.

Well, I have lost loved ones before whom I cherished so dearly but they never knew how much so and those who did, did so subtly. What if I do not make it that further in life? Would the one I loved so dearly know how intense the storm that brewed in my being was? So I made a promise to myself, to say each day how much she means to me and "to avoid that circumstance where there is no second chance to tell her how I feel" because if the sun never rises on my soul again, her knowledge of her throne in my heart would suffice for a seeming unrequited love…one that has shaken the earth and blown the wind and burned the fire.

I never will show this kindness to an ordinary woman I do not love...ever; all that is at your disposal is just a tip of the ice berg, and that is because of love. It is the drive in one's soul that makes them do things that seem somewhat overboard, but then again, can I be blamed? I thought I have loved before...I must say that, then, I reckon, it was child's play, for the love that comes in the forties is more intense than a hurricane in a tea cup.

Life is cold and bleak; love is warm and cuddly; but where forth may one seek consolation? Whence it cometh, doth it justice proper or not? Just thinking out loud, lest you think I am hallucinating.

I want to live again; I want to smile again; I want to run after you and fall on the green together; I want to picnic with and feed you, with my hands; I just want to love the girl of my dream. To some people you may not seem lovable or endearing but to me you are better than "creme chantille" (whipping cream), sweet, clean, impeccable and smooth.

I just want that singular opportunity to show the sparkle in my affection and the warmth in my emotions and the heat in my passion and the excitement in my love. I want to show you grandeur and splash more than any person could ever promise you. Above all I want is to share with you my world, grow old together and lead one another on to eternity. I just want to Love you “till death do us part”!!!

I am just another man in love - a special man in love with a special GAL...