Love gone sour: The experiences of Ghanaian women and men

Black Couple Fighting Couch African American 155259337 Crop Most Ghanaian men and women often get confused on what love is all about

Sat, 30 Sep 2017 Source: King David Dzirasah

There are various kinds of love but the ones that have been subject of discussions and contentions are the Eros and Pragma. Eros which is the love of the body is mainly based on sexual attraction. Pragma which is a second kind of love is a long standing love. It’s the everlasting love between married couple which develops over a long period of time.

Most Ghanaian men and women often at times get confused as to whether love in the romantic sense is something that happens instantaneously or if it’s something that’s established through an extensive period of time. The answer is that love can develop instantaneously but it needs to be established and that where the element of process comes in. You can fall in love in an instant but in order to stand in love you must look at love as a means to an end and not an end in itself.

Ghana is a very conservative nation. Christianity, Islam and traditional religion have certain dogmas that have shaped the Ghanaian society as far as love in romantic sense is concerned. These religious creeds often convey upon its adherent and the society at large the need for Ghanaians to limit their expressions and experiences of love in it romantic form.

Often, the believers of these religious dogmas are completely forbidden to express their love for those they have natural attraction and affinity for.

However these religious dogmas often at times ignore the fact that for marriages to be possible, certain level of attraction between a man and woman must be achieved. It is nearly impossible for a person to marry someone who does not spark any feeling of attraction in him or her. This attraction however must be pure in its absolute nature and must be free of the fruit of sin which is lust. Lust can lead to many unforeseen challenges.

No one man or woman can marry himself or herself. That is sologamy and it’s a foreign culture to us. That’s why love must be pursued to its logical conclusion. God knew that it’s not good for a man to be alone. That’s why he created a woman to complete the circle of love. There is however an emerging trend in the concept of love which has become a norm of the day.

This trend is what we might call love materialism. It is love established on socio-cultural, political and financial circumstances of the parties concerned. This phenomenon kills the spirit of love. It is one of the primary reasons that account for the increasing rate of divorce and separation in marriages in Ghana today. Love must be pure. It must not be established on materialism, on the level of success one achieves nor on the status of an individual but rather on virtuous principles. It must be based on principles such as selflessness, humility, respect, forgiveness, patient, trust and on all other virtues worth emulating.

With high rate of divorce and separation in modern day Ghana, it is paramount for us as a people to understand what true love is and we must know that only true love can unite two souls. Love in its purest form looks beyond the weaknesses of others. The book of Hosea in the bible gives us a classical example of how a faithful husband loves his unfaithful wife.

It’s a book we must all make reference to in our quest to find true love. Irrespective of the flaws in marriages, it’s necessary for love to prevail. The book of Song of Songs in the bible also gives quite extensive metaphoric and direct expression concerning romantic love.

Let us understand that the ability of Islam and Christianity to find a way to resolve the high rate of divorce and separation in marriages in Ghana lies in the true understanding of love in it romantic form. Romantic love is never a worldly, satanic nor sinful but it’s a concept the bible talks about extensively so does the Quran.

Columnist: King David Dzirasah