Marriage is for two… not three

Kobina Ansah Kobina Ansah

Mon, 26 Sep 2016 Source: Kobina Ansah

The excitement that comes with a wedding and marriage, oftentimes, is inexplicable. The colorful pre-wedding photoshoot. The classy bachelor night party.

The awe-filled wedding. And then… the marriage starts. No matter how awesome one’s relationship was before their marriage, the success of that ‘till-death-do-you-apart’ relationship depends on only two people; the two spouses.

That’s why only the two of them walked up the altar to exchange those deep, insightful vows. That’s why only such two went into the same home after everyone else had left for theirs. Marriage is for two… not three.

As much as one can, one should avoid a third party in their marriage. It’s amazing how others share every nitty gritty of their marriage to the world. Modernity has made it so easy for others to get into our homes technologically. We share with them every detail of our homes. Thanks to social media.

The topmost cause of most divorces is not infidelity. It is immaturity. Maturity is knowing when to tell who what. It is knowing whom to invite into your marriage to share what with.

In the world we live in today, a problem shared may not always be half solved. Often, it is half worsened! Until one knows this, their marital problems will always be on the lips of the public.

Marriage is maturity. It is not for those who are of age but those who are matured in their thinking capacity. It is not for those who have enough money to walk down the aisle but for those who have enough tenacity to endure he perils of the ‘after-the-aisle’ . When the storms of marriage start raging, our maturity will be tested. When the imperfections of our spouses begin to rear their ugly heads, our patience will be tried. God knew the cohesion that came along marriage. Little wonder He created Adam and Eve as matured adults… and not kids.

The Bible stressed on the fact that a man (not boy) shall leave his father’s home and be cleaved to a wife (a woman). It takes maturity to leave your parent’s home. It takes a lot of effort to move from your father’s home, in spite of all his goodies, to go start a life of yours.

It requires a lot of maturity. You need to be independent in thinking to do so. That is why marriage is for men… not boys. It is for mature women, not girls who are still figuring out their personality in life. It is not for girls who still don’t have clear-cut needs and wants.

The only person one should be dependent on (emotionally, physically, financially, etc) is their spouse. The only person whose bosom you should be cuddling is that spouse. You leave to cleave!

I’m still yet to understand the demons that get people to discuss their marriages in public, especially on social media. They slay each other. They malign their better half as though they were forced to marry them. At the storms of life, lovers turn into enemies.

The irony of sharing your marital headaches with others is that those whom we share them with, don’t often give a hoot about them. They have their own headaches to take care of. Like you, they have the imperfections of their spouses to deal with!

Listen. Marriage is for two… not three. In marriage, as much as you can, avoid third parties. If any challenge arises, face them… both of you. Deal with your shortcomings. Try to overcome them one day after the other. Don’t be in haste to go blow it with trumpet in public.

Don’t hurry off to shoot yourself in the foot by divulging them to your in-laws. That’s what kids do… not adults. Remember, marriage is for adults… not teens. Matured adults.

You’re a mirror copy of your spouse. If you slay them in public, it only goes without saying that you’re exactly what/who you claim they are. Mind you, birds of a feather flock together!

When it has all been said and done, when your spouse goes down, you go down with them. Marriage is teamwork. When a team member falters, you don’t trample on them. You help them up. You cover them up. Love covers wrongs. You are because they are… and they are because you are!

Many marriages have grounded to a halt because they kept involving third parties who kept ruining their beautiful union with their so-called experience. Experience is not always the best teacher. Some experiences don’t apply to every marriage.

If you have a challenge with your spouse, tell God… not men. If we tell God our challenges, it’s called prayer. If we tell men our challenges, it’s called worry. Pray. Don’t worry.

Am I saying you shouldn’t involve counsellors and in-laws when it is necessary to? No. Kindly do but… know your limit. Know when a third party needs to essentially come in.

Know who to involve in what. Know who to tell what. No marriage is ever perfect because none of us is perfect either. You will be amazed at the weight of problems sitting on whoever you’re discussing yours with.

Speak less. A successful marriage is work. Hard work. brewed in a pot of common sense. Tagged “Marriage is for two… not three”, #MyWifeInLaw is just what you need to release stress.

Columnist: Kobina Ansah