Meet the wisest guy around

By S. Kwame Manchie

“Kojo, who’s the wisest guy in Ghana?” Abena asked.

“Uncle Sam Okudzeto”, answers Kojo in microseconds.

“Why Sam Okudzeto?” Abena probes.

“Because Sam Okudzeto knows everything this government and its employees, assigns, agents don’t know”, Kojo responded again.

“Why would you say that?” Abena asks again.

“Because he said very recently that brilliant and intelligent people have been side-lined and people who know next to nothing are running the country”, Kojo replies.

“So, he said President Mahama and his coterie of advisors know nothing?” Abena asked again in a stunned mood.

“Of course, you’re right to make such inferences. Not only President Mahama ooo my sister; Doe Adjaho and his clan, and even the whole judiciary,” Kojo responded.

“Why would he say that?” Abena enquires.

“Oh, because he was born long before Ghana in Adidome, attended Adidome E.P. Middle School and then Somanya Universal Commercial College. He worked for as a clerk with the Electricity Department, later studied secretarial accountancy at the Leeds College of Commerce in England. He also eventually studied law and practiced law on his return from England. It was him and other others that formed the National Alliance of Liberals, led by Komla Agbeli Gbedemah, and was elected as a Member of Parliament. He was also the former President of the Ghana Bar Association” Kojo explains.

“Are those all the credentials?” Abena queries again.

“Nope, sis. There are a lot more known only to his kinsmen and wife. You know I come from that area and I have privileged information” Kojo retorts.

“Ok, can he solve our Dumsor problem?” Abena asks in jest.

“Of course. Back in Adidome where he comes fro, there are a lot of cows. He invented a system that converts cow dung into electricity for the folks. The system works so well that he requested the Fulanis terrorising the people of Asante Agogo to come stay at Adidome” Kojo replies.

“Ei, then the man is a shark!” Abena says.

“Yes, he is! He consults for many government across the world on issues of energy generation and sustainability. Look, the last time Boko Haram and allied terrorists blew up pipelines in Nigeria leading to intense power outages, the Nigerian government got him to develop a gum that’s impervious to bullets, fire, and hack-saw. They have since coated all their pipelines with this gum and they are fine” Kojo responds.

“He has also successfully developed a synthetic chemical that produces liquefied natural gas on contact with oxygen” Kojo continued.

“Our government and government officials are stubborn. If they beg the man, he’d give them a small amount of this chemical and we can create some LNG to power Asogli Power Plant. You see why Uncle Okudzeto is peeved?” Kojo said.

“Wow, the man is a genius. I’m fascinated about him. Has he any solution to our financial problems? It looks like Seth Terkper needs help” Abena says.

“Oh…. Okudzeto developed the financial incongruity theory. The theory explains the sudden growth and development of Malaysia, Singapore and the likes” Kojo counters.

“What is that?” Abena asks.

“The theory is complex but I’ll break it down for you. It shows the correlation between free speech, opposition party booby-traps, magicians and GDP. The theory prescribes radio interviews and arguments as the best way to start a working day, an opposition press conference in the afternoon and a line-up of magicians on evening TV conjuring money from HSBC or Bank of America. In short, citizens can afford to be lazy and still prosper” Kojo responded again.

“Wow. What’s his take on the Muntie 3? You said he’s a lawyer” Abena asked again.

“My sister, you should be current a bit. He’s been speaking ohh! He said he would have given a longer prison term for the contemnors if he was the judge! And he would have given prison sentences for the directors too! He would have done that to put some fear in them” Kojo returned.

“Is he a member of the NPP? What did he say when someone suggested Ewes and Gas should be killed?” Abena probes again.

“I don’t know ohh. I just know he’s got the biggest brain in Ghana and all solutions to the swamp of issues facing us as a country is in his briefcase. He won’t release the solutions unless he or his preferred party comes to power” Kojo comebacks.

“Is he the author of ‘the 48 laws of power’? Abena enquires again.

“No. The author of that book is Robert Greene. I am not sure he’s read it because he’d have written a more powerful book if he wanted. Do you remember the phrase ‘THE MORE YOU SAY, THE MORE LIKELY YOU ARE TO SAY SOMETHING FOOLISH’ came from that book? Kojo fires.

“My sister, let’s find something to eat before the lights go out again” kojo ends!