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Noah caused the Accra floods

Accra Floods 6 File photo

Thu, 25 Apr 2019 Source: Abdul Hayi Moomen

Nyaba,

The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole of Accra with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered Accra and the sea went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems."

"First, I had to get a permit for construction, and they said your plans did not meet the building codes. When I started building the Ark, my neighbour objected, claiming I was violating his rights by building the Ark in a residential area, so I had to get a permit from the town and country planning".

"Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark because loggers had destroyed almost all the trees in the forests."

"Eventually, when I started the construction, the carpenters formed a union and went on strike, claiming that I was not a professional carpenter and therefore, I had no right to build the Ark. I had to negotiate a settlement with the Labour commission before the carpenters went back to work."

"When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending."

"Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe. Then, NADMO demanded a map of the proposed flood area. I didn't have it."

"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Ministry of Employment and Labour relations that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard."

"The Ghana Revenue Authority GRA has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft." The AMA officials are also on my neck asking me to pay Assembly dues".

And finally, the coalition of Religious Bodies got the court to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding Accra, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional".

"My lord, I really don't think I can finish the Ark this year."

Noah waited.......

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully, "You mean you're not going to destroy Accra with floods again, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord. "I don't have to. The attitude of your people has already destroyed Accra with floods"

Columnist: Abdul Hayi Moomen