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Opinions Fri, 10 Nov 2017

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Of swine, roasted pork, and kegs of Cognac

Normally, this would have served as Part III of the rejoinder series to the big chunk of Ghanaian flesh that Valerie Sawyer bit, but was more than she could chew.

However, knowing that the first two articles gave her unstoppable free flowing bowels that have suffocated wansani, mosquito, moth, and neighbours, I thought I’d hold on until she regained strength, like delayed orgasm in a hot bout of sex.

So let’s discuss Pigs!

A Pig is a pink animal that has a rounded body similar to a hippopotamus except that its nose is extended, flat at the nostrils, and ugly. It is also the first of creation to engage in gayism; the very disgusting bowel-poking act Nana Oye Lithur of the NDC was promoting, and that John Dramani Mahama was suspected of after seen relaxing in bed with Andrew Solomon, the famous gay activist.

So John Dramani Mahama described President Nana Addo and members of the NPP as “PIGS”, which meant that he referred to all Ghanaians as pigs. Of course, you cannot but infer such a meaning from his caustic statement because the Ghanaian society is closely knit to relatives, a tradition most admired by people all over the world.

In every home, there are members that belong to different political persuasions. You see, his direct cousin, Hon Otiko Adzaba is NPP, while he is NDC! Hon Abu Jinapor is NPP, while his brother is NDC! And such cases abound in every Ghanaian home.

So I am saying to John Dramani Mahama, that we are not pigs, and if he chooses to call anyone as such, he can reserve the title for himself as #ChiefPig. After all, he is the pork loving, cognac gobbling, wee smoking, women bonking loose talker whose mouth really needs to be zipped!

It would seem as if he is yet to awaken from the reality of his disgraceful defeat at the hands of the “short man”, in reference to a statement made by the birdbrain Nii Lantei Vanderpuye that the Presidency is not for people of Nana Akufo-Addo’s height. But this is the same man who is now president, against all the odds of finger pointing to heaven, and the spiteful blasphemy of apportioning to GOD a love for the NDC that the heavens shudder to hear!

Yes, if we are being ruled by a PIG with such astuteness, prudence, and wisdom, I would prefer to be a piglet in the swinery of perfection rather than a student of foolishness, imprudence, mental disability, archaic stupidity, decadence of the morals, and many more hallucinatory imperfections of the perforated umbrella of the NDC.

Have you seen Allotey Jacobs resemblance to the true pigs in your backyard? The sow that you have at home is yet to supply COCOBOD with the fertilizer, which she was paid in advance $30 million US Dollars for. Your porky brother is yet to pay the $45 million dollar loan he owes.

The swinery that you operate out of your home must be fumigated because its stench is contaminating our airspace!

You are trying foolishly to tag the ten month old NPP administration with corruption when your era was the most disappointing, corrupt, thieving, and licentious ever in the history of Ghana and Africa as a whole; most probably in the world too, because I have never read in history of a government that had abused its office and nation as badly as yours did to us in Ghana. You are a shame to your pedigree!

Sometimes, I wish you remained the indecisive bicycle boy that you claimed you were as a child! From the Ameri highway robbery to the Conti Connection to the Circle and Kasoa interchanges to the SADA, Gyeeda, Isofotone, Guinea fowl sagas; dredging of the Odaw River, Bus branding, and many more smelly deals of thefty, corruption, and financial losses to the State. What effrontery you have to publicly spew such baloney!

All I am trying to say is that you are free to keep the title #ChiefPig if you claim Ghanaians are pigs.

#NyameB3TuaWoKa

Columnist: Fadi Dabbousi

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