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Rawlings as Speaker of Parliament?

Rawlings Rawlings E09 Former Presidents, John Mahama and Jerry John Rawlings

Sat, 2 Mar 2019 Source: Mawuli Zogbenu

So February salary has come…and gone! I see! On Friday May 13, 2016 while on the Yaho Clinic Road at the Airport Residential Area, I noticed that the vehicles ahead of me were slowing down apparently looking at something happening to their right. I got closer and saw what created the go slow. It was this helpless woman being stung by a swarm of bees crying for help.

I slowed down for less than 5 seconds and rolled down my glass. Disaster! The bees entered my car biting, stinging, biting, stinging and I rolled my glass up. I was torn between jumping out of the car and remaining in it to be stung by the angry bees that found their way into the car. I then understood the reason nobody was able to help the poor old woman who was seen throwing her hands up in despair while the bees swarmed on her. I immediately prayed ‘Lord to have mercy on her’.

The situation was so bad that nobody could be of help as it was more dangerous than saving a drowning man. But I know only one person who could have dared the swarm of bees to save the woman and that man is Papa J. I tried in futility to reach the fire service. It didn’t occur to me to call the police bcos I didn’t think it was their job. Already my eyes were closing as they started getting swollen from the bee stings. My upper lip was shiny brown as if to produce honey! I got to the office and my boss couldn’t help laughing at me and asked me to go home with my swollen eyes!

On my way home, I saw the Police around the place trying to rescue the helpless old woman. Oh GH Police, if they want to be professional er, they do it beyond your satisfaction! As to how they did it, only God knows. But by then the woman was unconscious, no longer crying for help. I don’t know what happened thereafter but I pray she would be fine. Hmmm! Bees? Auntie Bea of Tema General Hospital, please what is the Twi name for bees? If you don’t know, you don’t know o!

Can you imagine the thoughts that came to mind last Monday night? I just sat down imagining Papa Jay being the Speaker of Parliament. Heeeeeeyiii! Parliament go sweet brutal! Absenteeism – NIL, late coming – NIL, talking about own allowance –chai!

The admiration I have for this man is immeasurable and my number one reason being the fact that by the mention of his name ‘all knees shall bow’ let alone he screaming ‘order’ ‘order’! Chai! His gavel would be made of Xmas knock outs or iron rods and the desk receiving the gavel may be a metallic anvil. I doubt if he would have the patience to contain noise making of y333y33! or otherwise! Hon Joe Wise would be the class prefect writing names of talkatives. I am sure on his list with the tag DP DP DP (Double Punishment) will be…I can’t even remember!

After each day’s sitting, some NPs may swear not to be in Parliament again! Please this is just an imagination oo; don’t bring me any problem. Intolerant of many things, Padiman would be going round the chamber with cane in hand giving knocks to the ‘stubborn’ ones and probably running after late comers and shutting the door in their faces and ask them to go home! Papa J, being in the seat of the Speaker of Parliament? I am sure some people may not seek a second term! I am waiting for that day so long as it remains an imagination!

I was in an African country a couple of years ago and shocked to learn how he is highly revered there and guess his Unique Selling Proposition – Discipline! Some even wished he was made the leader of their country for only 30 minutes and they believed things would fall in line! That is their opinion oo, yoo! By the mention of his name, all drivers will drive with care.

Commercial drivers misbehaving and driving ‘by heart’ may be reduced largely! Who born dawg! Is it not true that during his regime, even when you are in the remotest parts of the country and you feel like throwing rubbish on to the streets, you were afraid? The aura of discipline was such that when you had a dream in which you find yourself urinating by the roadside, you jumped out and started begging nobody!

Papa J, this your 72nd birthday party on June 22 di333, I am coming o, Sir. I will eat cat meat light soup with gari! I learnt you have a special breed of cats that you named ‘Tiger’! Please keep those ones…I don’t like unless you decide to do the slaughtering yourself before the soup is prepared. hahaaaa! Papa J is Speaker and you want to display placards in the House or you want to walk out of the chamber? Go ahead!

On Monday when I first saw the video that was trending, I thought it was Hulk Hogan or some German scientist in town but later I realized that it was our own Papa J whose video had flooded many of my social media handles. Dr Boom was in his element and apparently had a nostalgic moment and thought ‘enough was enough’ and couldn’t stomach the indiscipline on the Tema-Aflao road anymore. He got down from his vehicle to pump small sanity into the minds of our forever obstinate motorists including me; a scene akin to what he did decades ago in the Nima gutters and led the masses to do same even in absentia!

Circa 1999, I was in a trotro coming from the Makola market area towards Adabraka and the driver decided to break the law by loading passengers in front of the fire service station at Makola. Less than two seconds after parking, there appeared two unarmed men in green uniforms. In a rather polite but stern manner, they asked the driver if he was aware it was a no loading or parking area and before he could answer, he was given a cane to ‘sweep the back’ of his mate 10 times and the mate was also to ‘reciprocate’! The men in green didn’t touch the driver and his mate o but...hmmm! One just can’t get it wrong! It was pure laughter from the passengers after they asked the driver, the mate and the passengers to drive off. You can’t laugh la! The driver was crying and the mate was crying as we the passengers laughed aaaa enter the trotro again. Out of anger, the driver decided to offload us at Tudu and drove the empty trotro away just because we laughed at him and the instant punishment they had received from themselves! Na who cause am? Simple instruction we won’t do it. This is how many of us want to be reminded to do the right thing and it’s unfortunate!

For example, do you remember my experience when I used to go to the Accra Sports Stadium and one day found myself at the wrong side of the stadium? Kotoko was playing Liberty Professionals and I decided to go to stadium to do ‘against’. I regretted. I was in the midst of Kotoko supporters when Kotoko scored the first goal and all the guys around me screamed ‘goooaaalllllllllll’! I was the only one who didn’t celebrate this goal. Apparently they were observing me through my body language and could sense I was a fan of the only club that starts a sentence with past tense…’arose…arose…arose’ – Phobia, the Masters! Then Liberty equalized and instinctively, I shouted ‘gooooaaaaalll’. Before I could even finish this ‘against’ jubilation, I heard a slap and a knock on my head ‘kpaaaaaa’. Beatings be what! I turned round and saw nobody. Kpaa Kpaa! Hahaaaa!

I swallowed my excitement and kept quiet and went my somewhere o. Eish! In less than 2 minutes, Liberty scored again and this time I suppressed my excitement. Quietly, I walked out of the place and covered my joy with coughing. Somebody still saw this coughing as another form of jubilation and, with a half-empty water bottle, my back ‘kpaaaaa’! Next time, when you go to the stadium and you make your ‘enemy’s enemy your friend, be careful where you sit. Even if you happen to find yourself at the wrong place, keep quiet!

As the leader of the Against Supporters Union (ASU) in Weija area, I only pretended to be sad when Kotoko lost 3-1 to that Zambian club last Sunday but deep inside...ajeeeei! I drank beer that day! The Kotoko guys in my office would finish me today. How come Hearts did not get there and you are there and want to win…you lie bad! hahahahaaaaaa!

Happy birthday in advance o, Papa J. You dey form…

Have a nice weekend…Boom!

Columnist: Mawuli Zogbenu