'Small Talks'

When I am seated in front seat of a trotro bus and there is a space left and I see another beautiful passenger walking into the car, I unconsciously give way for her to sit next to me. When the mate pushes her into the main cabinet, the way it pains me. trotro mate, weytin concern you? Is she your girl? Just allow the person to come sit next to me, you say weytin. The other one is that you are sitting in the aisles of the trotro seat inside the trotro proper, not front seat.

Then a beautiful girl enters and looking for a place to sit and you shift yourself in order to create space for her to sit next to you. As fate would have it, the girl would often ignore your unnecessary generosity and dashed straight to sit at the back seat. Weytin concern you? Who send you, Amuzu? Some days are good, some days are just okay, some are bad but and others badder.

The worst mistake to make in life is to tell someone a secret and reminding the person not to tell anybody. The person will only take it as a reminder to shout! Even you the one telling the person not to tell anyone is dangerous. You might have told someone already. Don’t trust yourself too much. Sometime we forget.

GOOD AFTERNOON EVENEING IS IN THE MORNING AND THE MORNING GOES TO THE EVENING PAM PAM PAM, it’s good afternoon. Hahahahaa! met my doctor yesterday at the chopbar and I was shocked to see him eating fufu with plenty goat meat standing as pillars in the fufu bowl.

I confronted him. This man told me that I should reduce significantly my intake of red meat as they can damage the nerves of human beings. I have been complying over one year now. Now see what he himself is doing. In response to my confrontation, he said ‘whatever I advised you to do is in your own interest’. Does it mean the doctor doesn’t have an interest? Ah!

Some people when they are going for visas to travel abroad, you see them behaving as if they are already abroad. Some will be wearing pull-overs against winter and walking like eggs. The same way when you see them in church with their hands held in front of them and locked lips as a sign of humility and seriousness, they approach the pulpit gently and take communion.

My brother, whether or not you would get the visa, your walking in humility won’t change anything. Be yourself. I wore suit and tie in 2001 and slept overnight at Osu till daybreak, yet I was still bounced. The day I dressed anyhow, I got a visa…to Togo. Be yourself and wear anything and apply for visa. Pray and get your papers right.

It’s Fridayyyyy and I have decided to take it easy. Unserious as I can be this weekend gives me life. Being serious will not change my bank account number from Ashalaja to Ashaiman to Kasoa through Tarkwa and then finally into Gbawe where we would buy milk and sell at Moscow and then Yukraine would come to Azabajan for light soup. Hahahahahahaha!

You see, those moments when after a call, you say small small negative things about your bosses, one day they would hear you. Sometimes, we all do it especially when it has to do with a highly reputed person. I nearly did it to my pastor before. After hanging up, I failed to check if had hang up too. Only for me to realise I was saying small small things to his hearing and unknown to me.

“This man can worry; he thinks everybody has time like him er?” was what I said. I heard myself clearly and then something said I should check my phone. Lo and behold the call was still running and I quickly cut it. As to whether he heard me or not, I was left in a dilemma; I nearly asked him to ask him whether he has heard something. How was I going to explain it? I go dey explain explain taya!

Did you know that technology can be that simple? If you want free wifi at home without pass code, just wash your phone with ommo or kreesoft! You would be fine. Leave the phone in the foaming water for 10 minutes if your intention is to download heavy videos and images. It works paa. Try it and after that you can buy a new phone and don’t look for my whereabouts.

You live in a community where you admire some ‘body’ so much but the opportunity never presents itself for you to talk to that person. Then one day, just when you are about driving out, you see this nice person standing at the bus stop apparently waiting for a taxi.

You see this as a fine opportunity to offer her lift even if it means going beyond your own destination to drop her as I often do. Just when you start speeding towards her direction to pick her, a taxi gets there first to pick her up.

Herh! It is even worse if the car that comes to pick her is a private car. How is that his business? Who send am sef? Please don’t ask who send me too o! It is just like when driving in traffic, you lose concentration and a car from the other lane comes to fill in the space in front of you. You often get angry for nothing, as if the road belongs to you. Why? Ern?

I lost an opportunity last Saturday to offer Mr Allotey’s ‘straight face’ but pretty daughter lift to the junction. Upon seeing her at the junction, I rearranged all the unorganized things in my front passenger seat and sprayed perfume into the car. Just before getting to her, a ‘useless’ private car came to ‘whisk’ her away.

The thing pain me er! What worsened matters for me was that after I lost that opportunity to offer her lift, while still driving towards my destination I saw another princess with red lipo lipo on her lips standing by the road and also waiting for a car. To compensate myself for the earlier loss since I have become a rat looking for every eyi to enter, I stopped by to offer her lift. I blew the horn when I got closer to her and beckoned her in fact opened the door for her to sit and she said NO straight away. Aish! This one sef pain me pass.

What embarrassed me most was the fact that there were some other vehicles following me! When I looked into the rear mirror, the occupants of the vehicle right behind me were seen laughing and I wasn’t sure if they were laughing at me or at something else.

When you are discussing somebody with someone, please make sure the person who is the subject of discussion is a politician. They stomach all comments with ease - good and bad. The assemblyman in my area has received the bashing of his life after a highly educated neighbor dumped tree branches into a gutter to block the floods from flowing. After a small rainfall the flood water entered neighbours’ compounds and we were angry.

We went to bash this neighbor for doing ‘God’s work’ and he was looking at us as if there is something wrong with us. I saw him and the family on their way to church last Sunday. Small talks bi this o; don’t go and tell him this is what I have said o. The way this man bashes politicians since the days of the colonial rule er. It is only politicians who can stomach bashings much better than one who is not.

We can call them by their first names by ‘hat’ and insult them small small sometimes in our heads but address them as ‘Honourable’ when we come face to face with them. Ei! Agbetormenyo o. Politics will be hard paaa o, eei! You wake up in the morning and insults targeted at you and your great great grandparents?! If you want to know the colour of the boxer shorts of your great great grandfather, go into politics.

You can try it if you don’t want your peace of mind, Sisi! Though I concede to the fact that the common expression “as for me, I don’t like politics” is a scam, broad daylight politics will be hard, asuwear. Still small talks can talk!

Have a nice weekend and remember to talk to God for He is easier to talk to than most people who would only listen but will go and do konkonsa about you provided they are not even recording you.