The Ideal Woman – Does She Exist?

This is my first attempt to write about a subject other than my passion and mission of promoting tribal harmony and national unity, so I ask the critics to go easy on me. The subject matter of the article is of great interest to me, and therefore, I would try and do the best I can.

The question was asked many years ago as to who can find the ideal woman since her price is far above rubies. Some of us can identify with the question since we have spent most of our adult life waiting and searching for the ideal woman. Some of us have a lot to offer the ideal woman in every aspect and yet finding her has been one hell of a task. Could it be that since the Diaspora is not our natural environment the task of finding her is that much harder? Or could be it be that we are to selective and unrealistic? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there were a store one can just walk in and place an order for the ideal woman, and have her delivered the next day? Some of us believe that regardless of how successful, refined and polished we have become, our ideal woman must come from Ghana. We don’t need, a white woman or light skinned African American to validate our success and accomplishments. We also want to come home from work and speak Ewe, Gonja, Twi, Fanti, Ga, Frafra, Hausa, or any other Ghanaian language and certainly not English. If most men would be honest, they would admit that it is their desire to find the ideal woman to be with. However, tradition, cultural and tribal sentiments have deprived many a man from finding the ideal woman. The greatest accomplishment of any man is the strength and ability to find the ideal woman, since it is the key to success and happiness of a man. However, I wonder how many men are prepared to go the extra mile to find her? It is a fact that finding the ideal woman to partner with can make life a paradise on earth. The opposite is equally true, if a man out of desperation were to hook up with the wrong woman, life can be hell on earth. The question before us therefore is, is it worth putting all the eggs in one basket of time, waiting and searching for the ideal woman regardless of how long it may take?, and is there such a thing as the ideal woman? Let’s find out, shall we? In considering the subject of the ideal woman, we should bear in mind the age old saying “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” We must also bear in mind different strokes for different folks.

Some of you are probably saying Komla you are taking this writing thing too far, and if you must write, you should stick to your mission of promoting national and tribal unity, and leave matters such as these to the experts. While I agree with that sentiment and don’t intend to give up my day job any time soon, however, since coming to the forum and after writing my very first article, something in me came alive which I didn’t know I had, that makes me want to write. My style and use of language may not be that of a seasoned writer, and I may not write as superior as Nana Amma, Lola of Washington DC, Daniel Pryce, and of course my dear Rt. honorable friend Sarpong, but like the musical “Mama I want to sing”. I just want to write. I would be remised if I don’t put in a little marketing in here for my mission. I would not have discovered the talent and pleasure of writing if it had not been for the forum, so you see; something good can come out of the forum. I am therefore urging fellow forumers to refrain from tribalising issues, the name calling, insults, and all the negativity we see here at the forum. We must promote unity and help each other discover our hidden talents and potentials in order to contribute to the progress and development of Ghana our homeland which should be our goal and objective. I may never become an accomplished writer, but the pure pleasure of writing for the forum is so satisfying, and I recommend it. Therefore let us work together to clean up the forum and preserve it, you just never know.

Now back to the ideal woman. Where do I start? We have all heard of the quest for the ideal woman at one point or another. We have also heard of the saying that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. The purpose of the article is to determine whether there is an ideal woman or not, and if there is, what is the definition of an ideal woman, what makes her ideal? and where and who can find her? Although I am a Pan-Africanist who strongly believes in the unification of all Africans, however, for the purposes of this article the focus and scope is limited to the Ghanaian community, I just love Ghana so very much and proud to be a Ghanaian and for that I make no apologies. Those of us who partly grew up in Ghana would attest to the fact that once a young man comes of age, he is encouraged to look for a good wife, and emphasis is placed on the good. The good meaning character, conduct, behavior attitude, ability to dress well, cook, keep house, clean, bear children, and educated depending on the family. Emphasis, however, is not placed so much on beauty or appearance, so does it mean that appearance and beauty are not part and parcel of a good woman? When young men meet to hang out the general topic of discussion is centered on the ideal woman, cars, money, and sports. For some young men their idea of the ideal woman is a woman who has a good character. By good character I mean a woman who understands, is faithful, caring, good listener, can cook, can clean, wash cloths, wait on the man hand and foot, does not argue, says yes to everything the man says, put up with in-laws, and the rest of the family, and stays at home to have and look after children. For some, the ideal woman is a woman whose northern pools are well erected, the way south is narrow, and can give a hell of a good time in the bedroom. These brothers would argue that ‘don’t mind the body but mind the engine”, and as long as the engine is in good working condition they are alright and everything else is secondary. For some the ideal woman is a woman who has it all, in other words she is all that, by that I mean, looks, character, brains, and able to get her grove on in the sex department. For some the ideal woman may be thin, big, medium, short or tall, short or long hair, light or dark skin. In any event, a man’s quest for the ideal woman is an age old thing and probably one of the most challenging, subjective, intriguing, and controversies of a man’s life.

Could the ideal woman be described as follows? First and foremost God fearing for those who are religious, have brains, by that I mean academic intelligence at the very least first degree. The assumption that she is academically intelligent means she can hold a good conversation, knowledgeable on current, international and political affairs, ability to engage in good argument, moody, outspoken, strong willed, well brought up with good manners from a good home, well spoken, well read, well traveled, disciplined, principled, a woman of high integrity, trim and proper, articulate, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and psychologically well balanced, culturally aware by that I mean she can attend a Ghanaian function in slit, dance to hip life, high life, Boborbor, and Adowa music, and the following morning dress up in suit and high hills for work in corporate America, polished, refined and elegant with class and style by that I mean dress well, nicely done hair either extension or weave on, or a nice low cut, wear nice sexy underwear such as G-string, interested in healthy life style, by that I mean going for long walks, jogging, cycling, ability to play tennis, a lady and a saint in public, and a devil and a bitch in private, have eternal curiosity, love to explore new ideas and places, she is honest, open minded, business minded, thoughtful, considerate, understanding, a good listener, dependable, outgoing, loyal, compassionate, kind, caring, sweet natured, sensitive, affectionate, funny, creative, romantic by that I mean to be able to get away on a short notice to a nice weekend resort, leave romantic notes on her way to work, text romantic messages during the course of the working day, medium built with curves, by the way, contrary to popular believe not all men are dogs whereby they prefer skinny and boney women, there are men who like their women with meat, so she must have some meat on her bones, since we are talking about Africans here, tall at least 5’9’’, with a beautiful round face, nice neck with lines/rings, bright eyes, full thick lips, well developed breasts at least 38 DD, narrow waist and wears beats, wide hips, nice round big buttocks, long legs like Tina Turner, nicely shaped feet with nice nails, be adventurous by that I mean should be able to get her grove on anywhere within the home, in the car and the out doors, walk bare feet at the beech, eat with her fingers/hands in public as well as in private, ability to cook, but not demanded of her, ability to clean, but not demanded of her, capable of bearing children, but not demanded of her, and certainly it doesn’t matter whether she conforms to cultural and traditional norms or not. Conventional when appropriate, and has the strength to be unconventional when appropriate. Remember we are talking about ideal here, the subject therefore is subjective. What Kofi may consider ideal may not be what Kwame conceder’s ideal. Have you ever seen a couple walking down the road hand in hand and you wonder to your self my goodness what does he see in her? For all you care they don’t belong together. But as far as the guy who she is with is concerned she is the best thing since slice bread therefore his ideal woman. The story was told about a gentleman who studied in England and returned home to Ghana with a PhD, who fell in love with his next door neighbor’s house girl. And apparently in order to see her, he had to wait until everyone went to sleep, and had to clam over a wall. This went on for several weeks. In the mean time, some young men of the area discovered the gentleman’s wall claming routine so they organized the elders of the neighborhood to witness the unusual behavior of the gentleman they all held in high regards. So when the gentleman began to clam the wall on this particular night, the elders approached him and began to question him by asking oh our distinguish gentleman, why is that for the past several weeks now you have been calming this wall at night?, to which he replied, if only you knew the style she gives, the way she turns me upside down, you won’t be here asking questions. The moral of the story is that the ideal woman is worth sacrificing everything for when you find her.

Now, the sixty million dollars question is who is an ideal woman? does she exist?. Who can find here? And where can she be found? Or is she just a flinging illusion to be perused and never attain? Or does the old age saying beauty is in the eyes of the beholder still holds true today?

God Bless our homeland Ghana and God bless our women. And by the way those of you brothers out there, who may have found your ideal woman, please take care of her, love her, cherish and adore her as she is priceless. For everything else there is visa or master card, lol.

KOMLA - THE SELF PROCLAIMED PEACE BROKER - USA