The Invisible Friend!

I had not spoken to my friend Kwansima in almost three months. It was a sunny Tuesday morning in May when I decided to take a drive to Tema where works and resides.

Kwansima and I grew up together being a couple of month apart in age, and our parents’ lifetime friends. She is a divorced mother of two girls who has had her first share of life’s experiences. I could relate to her since I have equally faced my own challenges in life. Kwansima and I grew up together almost following each others steps along the part of life. We went to pre-school, primary school and secondary school together. She was in London with me for a while until my return to Ghana and subsequent relocation to the US and later back to Accra. We therefore had a special sisterly bond and we have always been there for each other.

Therefore walking into her office in Tema and not receiving her usual warm and convivial smile which when combined with a blithesome hug was enough to make anybody’s day blissful, was very conspicuous. The Kwansima I know was one who wouldn’t fake a smile or a hug if she was not up to it. “I will not fake a smile for President Bush/Obama if I’m not up to it, she would usually say”. It was obvious from her disposition there was something lingering on her mind. I therefore wanted to find out what was on my friend’s mind that had caused her to coil into her shell and to be so introverted.

“It was a Friday afternoon when I received my last correspondence from a person I have grown to call a friend and a confidant for several months” she said. I was so surprised at the comment since Kwansima would usually let me in on all new development in her life. So I asked, which friend?

She said he is Andrew. “Andrew?” I exclaimed, obviously surprised since the name was not a familiar one. “Who is Andrew?” I inquired she then explained that he was a new friend in her life. He is a Canadian of Ghanian origin who hails from Cape Coast in the Central Region. A father of two daughters and a son domicile in Ontario, Canada. Well the Kwansima I knew was one who was very choosy in friendship and wouldn’t just call anybody friend unless she really warmed up to the person and above all trusted that individual. It was obvious whoever this Andrew is, had made a great impression on her. With her voice cracking at this point choked by a heavy heart, she began to narrate her encounter with Andrew.

“The circumstances of our association was rather bizarre to say the least, yet he became such an integral part of my life that I never thought a time would come when he would completely blot me out of his life” she said with tears gradually rolling down her cheeks. I knew Kwansima to be very emotional so I was not a surprised at her tears.

She continued with her story as I listened attentively “I looked forward to updating him on the events of my pervious evening each morning I got to work and respond to his mails that had dropped in my absence the previous night. He would likewise respond to mine when he got in, in the morning which would be lunch time in my part of the world. I felt I had found a friend I could trust and who came across as very honest and frank person , that was Andrew.” she said as her face lightened up with a smile with tears rolling down her cheeks. “On a few occasions when I decided not to respond to email of the previous day, in order to get a reaction he would quickly notice and comment “I guess you where waiting for me to speak first” he would say. He was so right!”

“That’s how much this friend had come to know me. A gift of a poem which she pointed to at this point, well framed decorated her desk. She said this poem really made her feel extremely celebrated. I read it and took a deep breathe and I said to her “who ever wrote these poems must really know you inside out Kwansima” she looked up at me and smiled. She said I get that from everybody and like I smiled, I only smile, knowing Andrew and I have never met.”

Kwansima narrated: “I have had my first share of relationships but somehow this one was different. We became friends with no intent of love, at least not on my part, but as time went on we spoke about everything from Politics to health, the men in my life and anything in between. Finally I felt I had found a friend I could bare my heart out to, regardless of how I felt. I would share my ups, my downs, and my frustrations without fear of being perceive as a weakling or too robots to be broken. This is a friend I had found who was some 13000kilometers away from me yet, I felt he was always there to rub my back in my time of pain, and to give me a hi five, when I excelled. He above all had a way of cautioning me when I was wrong and firmly registering his displeasure when I made a statement that didn’t go down well with him. I had finally found someone who could break through my hard shell in a very discreet way and yet he strengthens me when I find myself crumbling under the pressures of life”

“I had found a friend who had managed to undo my mindset on issues of friendship and trust. Having had my first share of life’s experience I had until now concluded friends couldn’t be trusted but somehow he had managed to win my trust to the extent where I could bare my emotions which I was very protective of without any fear.” At this point I was rubbing Kwansima’s back and wiping her tears as she spoke. I knew Kwansima had take an entrenched positive on making new friend since she had a horrifying experience a few years before.

Having been through my own share of life’s experiences I could relate to Kwansima narration. At this stage she had captured my assiduous attention I could hear a pin drop.

“I felt I had finally found a friend who despite the fact that we hadn’t met had come to know me through and through almost to the point that I became predictable and he could always tell what I meant by my actions and in actions. It was a refreshing relief to know that I was known and above all accepted for who I am. We had this friendship for a while and I came to know him as one who was upright and strict, had a sense of humor yet was very careful with his words. He had a way of letting me know what he thought or felt without hurting me, because he always was mindful that behind my tenacious personality was a tender creature who could easily be hurt. I came to know him as one who when struck hard by the pressures of life would usually retreat and reflect and bounce back in the shortest possible time. This friend came a across to me as a selfless gentleman who would show a lot of concern whenever I showed signs of distress even when I tried to hid it. He was a down right sensitive gentleman who looked out for the other persons well being. He was a motivator who always found a way of urging me on. When I felt I was a disappointment he always had a way of reassuring me that it will be well. He is one who can take you on if you take his meekness for a weakness Above all I knew him as a Christian and one who believe that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth spoke. Hence, I took his every word seriously and I knew he took mine seriously too even went it was packaged as a joke. I have questioned several time what it was that got us so close even though we are so far apart. The reality of not having met personally seems to be eroded by our familiarity. The few times I have posed the question to him he has responded by saying it was the mutual respect and openness to each other. He is very right! I think openness and honesty can out wits the power of distance”. .

Then the turning point! She said! This was when he mentioned he was doing through some personal life altering challenges. I pledge to stand with him through it. To be the friend he has been to me all these months. I would drop emails and they will receive no response, calls are not answered and text messages not replied to. I knew this was a wearisome stage in his life but obviously was not prepared to loose my dear friend. I knew he needed his space and maybe for obvious reasons he doesn’t want to have me caught up in his “issues”, yet I didn’t expect to loose touch completely. Even though he had assured me things would return to normal with time I didn’t think he could shut me out of his world completely for so long.

“Knowing all these possibilities didn’t erode the agony of worrying. I would toss and turn in bed not knowing if he has been taken ill by the pressures of the season, was the challenges he was facing grinded his whole world to a halt? Did he also not trust me to stand with him through it? Did he suddenly begin to see me in the light of others? I have always believed in not being a hypocrite and being myself around people. Have I in the process of being myself said something that was unwelcome or distasteful? Is it just manly to cut all off when faced with challenges? These were burning questions I wish I could find answers to” Kwansima retorted. “I wish I could be close enough to hug him and just rub his back she said or even deliver a bouquet of smiles. I knew one thing for sure that he respected me and wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt me. Had I suddenly become an enemy or was I just being over sensitive?” She looked up at me and queried.

At this point I could say nothing but to hug and cuddle my friend who loves to be pampered. I knew she is a Christian and so I could only encourage her to pray and trust that whatever happens she will not loose Andrew as a friend. I asked what she intended to do but she was so choked up by her tears she could hardly speak. She was optimist that whatever the future may hold even it was for a brief moment, she would meet the invisible man in her life before the close of the year.

Kwansima may indeed be a blend of different emotions, but one thing I know, is whether she found a friend for a lifetime or for a season, Andrew did make a positive impression on my otherwise obstinate friend .I also know for a fact that she is a visionary who believes in the virtues of patience, truth and time ,and like she would usually say to her friends who came to her with challenges I say to Kwansima “time and patience will be the determinate of the future of the companionship with her “invisible friend” and all things will surely work out for her good . She knows it and I know it!

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget”. By G. Randolfa

The writer, Naa Wellington, is just a concerned citizen of Ghana who can be reached at naawellington@ymail.com