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Opinions Sat, 12 Jan 2008

The Laughable Lotto And VAG West Numbers.

Ha! Ha! Ha!


They must have thought it was going to be easy, huh? Naniama!!!! Now, they will respect Atta Mills for emerging victorious with an 81.4% margin of victory.
Listening to them when they were going around canvassing for votes, they all tried to turn Atta Mills into a chewing stick.
Political nobodies like, Dan Botwe, Kwabena Agyepong, Arthur Kennedy, Boakye Agyarko, Papa Owusu Ankomah and Mike ?Papa Apparatchiki Ajasco? Ocquaye, never stopped making lots of senseless noise about how Atta Mills is no match for them and that given the mandate, they will finish with Atta Mills ?one touch?. Now look at them with their lotto and VAG West numbers. Why, you don?t know why uncle JB is referring to lotto and VAG West numbers? I will tell you.
You see, the Department of National Lotteries? uses numbers ranging from 1-90 in its lotto game; thus, all the aspirants who got between 1 and 90, are the lotto-stakers who got lotto numbers.
VAG West, on the other hand uses numbers ranging from 100 ? 199 in its lotto game; and so the only one who was in the 100s, is in the VAG West category. So, Arthur Kenney with his single 1, Adjei Bawuah with his single 6, arrogant Kwabena Agyepong with his single 9, Felix Owusu Agyepong with his single 9, Boakye Agyarko with his 10, Frimpong Boateng with his 12, Konadu Apraku with his 19, certificateless Jake Otanka Obetsebi Lamptey with his 20, Mike ?Papa Apparatchiki Ajasco? Ocquaye with his 20, Addo Kufuor with his 22, Hackman Owusu Agyemang with his 28, Papa Owusu Ankomah with his 34, Dan Kwaku Botwe with his 52, and Osarfo Marfo with his 63, are all in the lotto number category. The chief apprentice who wanted to become master, Aliu Mahama, is the only one who managed to sneak into the VAG West category with his 146.
As for Nkrabeah Effah Dartey, who has become the mascot and master comedian of the NPP with his comical rendition of that church song, he may have bracketed with Arthur Kennedy or gotten a big zero had he not been so mercifully shunted aside.
I heard a joke the other day and I could not help laughing.
I heard that the single 1 that Arthur Kennedy got, was one of the rejected votes and that the people decided to give it to him to compensate him for all the time he spent going around preaching his message that nobody in the NPP heard. My people, can you laugh?
Is it not extremely interesting that it is these jaguar jokers who were making all sorts of cacophonous noises about how Atta Mills will be no match for them? They can?t count 1, and they want to count 100? Ah! Ah! Ah!
As for the very arrogant Kwabena Agyepong, I hope that he has learnt a few lessons in life and now knows that insulting Rawlings and the NDC is not what everybody wants to hear as well as the fact that Ghanaians are not looking for any cry babies to lead them.
Why, you don?t remember how Kwabena Agyepong smeared ?koto? robb under his eyes and shed tears, with his nose running like a burst pipe, when he appeared before the Nail Rawlings Commission (NRC)?
Indeed, I hear that Dan Botwe has confessed to a few friends that he now has a lot of respect for Atta Mills for securing the mandate of the NDC by an overwhelming 81.4%.
Well, if it is true that Dan is now eating humble pie, uncle JB respects him for being honest with himself and accepting the fact that it takes more than empty noise to convince very discerning delegates to entrust their mandate in a person.
After all the noise they made, and with these disgraceful lotto and VAG West numbers, I wonder how they would be able to walk with their heads up high. I am sure that when they hear that Atta Mills is coming their way, they will look for the nearest hole and hide themselves in it.
Nobody in the NPP can compare himself/herself to Atta Mills in anyway and as for that midget who has been unconstitutionally appointed as the flagbearer of the narcotics peddlers party, we are just waiting for him to get onto the tracks and he will see how at every turn of the road, Atta Mills will be waiting to prove to him that politics is not about speaking in some fake accent and saying things that nobody understands.
Is it not funny the way they can?t jump over simple hurdles, yet have the effrontery to compare themselves to Atta Mills, who is miles ahead of them? Name it; academic record, public service record, incorruptibility, vision for Ghana, which one of the 17 elephants can measure up to Atta Mills? Even the Lilliputian who has been appointed unconstitutionally as the leader of the elephants, is nowhere near Atta Mills in every sense of the word. I am sure you are all know about Lilliput, and how Lilliputians are known to have dwarf-like features.
Well, the unconstitutional leader of the elephants looks so much like somebody from Lilliput hence my referring to him as a Lilliputian. Please feel free to spread the message that henceforth he should be referred to as a Lilliputian.
Like I was saying, none of the 17 elephants has a CV that comes anywhere close to the very tall CV of Atta Mills.
Do you know that the Lilliputian read economics for his first degree and had a very bad third class?
If you think uncle JB is lying, go and check the records at Legon and you will know that uncle JB does not tell lies.
I sometimes tend to use harsh language, but as for lying, since I don?t belong to the sect of Kwamena ?Serial Liar? Bartels, Andrew ?Bongoman? Awuni and the master liar, Ataa Ayi K4, I am not in the business of lying.
It is early days yet, so I will not go too much into the academic record of the Lilliputian.
When we get into the new year and things begin to heat up, uncle JB will provide you with lots more info about the dwarfish academic record of the dwarf-like Lilliputian as well as some other records of his that will make you puke. So when he says that he has a story to tell and that he is a good story teller, you people should not panic at all; uncle JB and the NDC will tell you very interesting stories about the Lilliputian.
Come to think of it, for those of you who stake lotto, I am sure if you do some good permutations with the lotto numbers of the jaguar jokers, you should be able to rake-in some handsome winnings.
Lotto and VAG West numbers; ha! Ha! Ha! Uncle JB can?t stop laughing myself to stitches.



Views expressed by the author(s) do not necessarily reflect those of GhanaHomePage.


Columnist: Lens
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