The best “Ph.D” in the world

Okoampa-Ahoofe, the best “Ph.D” in the world

In response to my call on him to tone down and add some civility to his contributions to discourse here on Ghanaweb, Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe Jr., Ph.D gave me what he considers very apt descriptions including claiming to have flirted with my mother in the bush.

Was I offended? No! In fact, he ended up eliminating part of my ignorance. For instance, until he boasted about it, I did not know sleeping with a woman in the bush is something any sane man could do, and even boast about it. Wow! The man is actually very knowledgeable. I feel quite unfortunate not to be among those young ones he is impacting his ‘wisdom’ to.

Also, until he claimed it is possible and that it is his aim, I did not know when I get an article posted on Ghanaweb, it is meant only for the people I want; that they are the ones to read and comment on it. I never knew Ghanaweb, a website visited by people from all walks of life, has that feature! When the time comes for me to try out the bush-sex thing, I would invite one of his daughters through a letter I would post on Ghanaweb. The title would probably be “Tony Anum to try out the bush-sex act with Okoampa-Ahoofe’s daughter”; I trust only his daughter would read that post; she is the one it would be meant for. Again, unlike him, I was not raised by Presbyterian clergymen. And because my education and even common-sense taught me a different interpretation of the words “responsible journalism”, I did not know it meant hiding in the US and levelling unfounded allegations against people in Ghana on a daily basis; bashing people left, right, centre and most importantly, not suggesting any workable solution to the problems facing my Ghana.

Until I read through a few of the articles written by this genius, I did not know that one of the tenets of being a ‘Ph.D’ is holding on so religiously to tribal stereotypes. I also got to know that the essence of democracy is that one refuses to tolerate the views of one’s opponents; but rather christen them with derogatory names and descriptions.

So, I felt so sad when I saw this comment under one of his articles: “I pray your descendants are spared your kind of reasoning; ask anyone; instinctively, it is not the kind of mind-set we need to Move Ghana Forward”. How? Why? Look, this man is another great achieving Akyem citizen, apparently the peak of wisdom, who is also being “under-recognised” (like Dr J.B. Danquah, Gen. Kutu Acheampong and recently, Mad. Theodosia Okoh) by Ghanaians. WARNING: if Ghana continues under-recognising these “great-achieving Akyems who would not be slighted, disdained and denied justice and fair play”, then “Okyeman must (really) secede!!!” That makes perfect sense!

Comparing his exceptional thinking and analytical abilities to others in his league like Akadu Ntiriwa Mensema, Margaret Jackson and Rockson Adofo, it is obvious Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe is the best Ph.D Ghana can boast of. This man deserves one of those 50-Cent chains Pres. Kufuor said “great-achieving” Ghanaians should be awarded with. Why has he not been given one of those? The fact that he has been “sojourning” in the US since the early 1980s should not be a hindrance at all.

It is so amazing that Ghana has a very intelligent and critical thinker like Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe Jr., Ph.D, but, because of hatred and jealousy, was chased out of Ghana by Pres. Rawlings. And why did Pres. Kufuor not make any attempt to bring him back and make him part of his government? Is it because Pres. Kufuor also “under-recognises” Akyems? I hope not.

Imagine Okoampa-Ahoofe as the president of Ghana! With his superb reasoning skills and excellent problem-solving capabilities, he would clean this country of all the dirt and mess; transform it into a heaven-on-earth! Akyems would assume the title: “Actual Ghanaians” and Kyebi would become the national capital; and Ashantis would probably become second-class or fourth-class Ghanaians; depending on who Okoampa-Ahoofe’s daughters get married to. As for Ewes, Gas, Fantes, Krobos, Northerners and Bonos like Akadu Mensema, because they are all fake, they would take their rightful position: third-class Ghanaians! Ghana would experience her own form of apartheid. Then Ghana can actually start developing devoid of all the mediocrity and corruption exhibited by the fake Ghanaians who have always run the country.

I know he is grown up man; he grows a white beard; so I do not see why someone should tell him to “grow up” just because of his manner writing. How can anyone claim the rants in his articles usually make very little sense? Look, he is an associate professor of journalism! Someone who teaches creative writing! Also, he is most probably either a son, son-in-law, cousin or some form of a relative of Dr J.B. Danquah, “the doyen of Ghana politics”. And who is that ignoramus who claimed Okoampa-Ahoofe’s name-calling attitude is so appalling? Does “Okoampa-the-clown-Ahoofe” sound uncool to you?

We should be congratulating this prolific writer for posting all those articles here on Ghanaweb. Even if someone claims his articles put him across as a political dogma, or a racist and an egomaniac, I would beg to differ. Even if another claims his articles have given him quite a bad reputation causing many readers to wonder the kind of lessons he teach his students, I would still beg to differ. This is a man who proved to me that his “superb” sense of reasoning coupled with his winding and crisscrossing style of narration makes him a very accomplished creative writer.

That was the reason I was surprised when I read the comments his students made about him at ratemyprofessors.com: “… this man made me laugh, his class is a joke…” or this one: “…whatever u say is wrong...he is always right!” Why should anyone give this legendary “Ph.D” 2.7 out of 5 overall quality rating? That is like 54%, like a grade D! No! This is wrong! This man, I am sure, is the best “Ph.D” in the USA!

Give to Caesar what belongs to him. Let us all hail the man Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe Jr. Ph.D, the peak of tribal and political intolerance, the loud-mouthed Akyem sensationalist! Hurray! You have done well, man; you are a living legend! In fact, you are the best “Ph.D” in the world! Go on and “akanise” Ghana! What a joke! And please, do not boast of being a bestial the next time. Like your bush-sex escapades, it is not a nice joke!

Tony Anum KNUST, Kumasi October 22, 2013