The forbidden question

I visited a neighbor some months ago. He is in his sixties, whilst talking about a wide range of subjects, we veered into family life. I asked him causally “is there something feel you still don’t know about your wife after all these years?

He sighed and smiled, after some hesitation he finally found his voice and said “ yes, I would really love to know exactly what my wife has done with her money for all these 32 years of our marriage life”

He went on to say “ let me break this down to you young man” . He married his wife in his late twenties, they happen to be around the same age, in the same profession in the civil service.

They both got steady promotions and pay rises that came with it. And both retired in the same year.

The man said, all these years, he had to fully cater for the rent, utilities, pay school fees, give chop money and start his building project, which took him 15 years to complete. He claimed that though both himself and the wife were on similar pay grade, she never contributed to any of the capital expenditures for the 32 years they have been together. He relied mostly on loans and side jobs to waver through the little accomplishment God had bestowed to him today.

So I asked him again, why don’t you just ask her now? He shook his head and said in the past he had attempted dropping hints, but the wife had skillfully avoided any indulgence in of such enquiries into her finances. The man claims he comes from a tribe that took pride in taking care of everything his family needs all by themselves as “the men of the house”

I poked him again, so will you ever ask her this question directly then? He smiled and said to me” maybe on my dying bed”

He retorted again, “young man, to be a man in Ghana is not easy oo” You get a job, start saving, then a time comes when you want to marry, You are likely to fund all the wedding cost all by yourself. You may even incur debt if not careful. Then you need to rent a bigger place to accommodate the comfort your pretty wife deserves. The landlord are callous and will demand years of advance payment.

When you barely survive it, your wife gets pregnant, the kids pop up and then you are forgotten, you feel like a stranger in your own home.

You hustle to keep the decency of the family, then there is the incessant demands form your external family.If you are wise, you will manage to build some small structure for your retirement.

Whilst you are away hustling most of the time, you get to spend less time with your kids, they are mostly with their mother. If God doesn’t help you and you commit any blunder against your wife,our African wives have the specialty of denigrating you to your kids. By the time you are old, they hardly want anything to do with you. You never get praised for all your efforts. Their mum is constantly reminding the children of all your mistakes.

So you finally go on retirement, with all the kids gone, staying alone with your wife, the kids stay more in touch with their “hero” mum. You feel miserable and unappreciated . Maybe that’s why we die early and leave our wives.”

He chuckled and said he wished me well. I left to my house wondering what to do with the flurry of information that has just been thrown at me.

What do you think?

1. Should African working class mothers consciously take some of the financial responsibilities at the home?

2. What is the extent of transparency in finances you will commend to marriage couples?

3. Do mothers intentionally antagonise their husbands to the kids with the aim of retaliating an offence the man has committed against them?

4. Are fathers under appreciated in this part of the world?

5. Are expectations on fathers too much and unrealistic?

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(c) Roland Ofori( Marketing Professional/ Author)

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