Time to break the silence

Father's Day Message

Fathers tend to be perceived as hard on the outside and sometimes soft on the inside. With Father’s day approaching can we give more substance to the relationship between a father and his child.

Even though society is changing we still have a long way to go when it comes to celebrating fathers. Sometimes fathers are unappreciated and not celebrated as they should be. In a world where many men suffer from Mental Health concerns, society has placed such a high expectation on fathers.

Why is it that we struggle to acknowledge the role of fathers? Are we not passing on a culture and tradition to our younger generations which trivialises the role of a father? Are we echoing that it is acceptable for the younger generation to not value the importance, especially the psychological relevance of a father in a child’s life?

I had the privilege of meeting an old friend after many years. It was a wonderful moment but the conversation soon turned to discussions around life's challenges. I could quickly tell that my old friend was comfortable talking to me about his years of struggle and pain. This is a man who is seen in his home, family and entire community as a “strong” father and a pillar in his community. However, he has lived in isolation (Emotionally) for many years. No one bothered to ask him what he was going through. To everyone, he was a happily married man and a dedicated father.

It made me wonder though, how many others are in similar situations and never seek help or mention it? How many are struggling in silence? How many fathers are very busy surviving society's expectations of them, without taking into account their own Mental Wellbeing?

It is time to break the silence on such a day like this. On Fathers Day we must appreciate the fathers that are making an effort. Every effort from a parent contributes to the healthy development of a child. Fathers deserve to know, feel and be made aware that they are important. Even a small complement can brighten anyone's day. It is important that we celebrate fathers whether they're biological or they act like a father within our community.

Culture, traditions and religious beliefs often prevent men from expressing how they feel and what they are going through emotionally, creating even more barriers for them to address their emotions. I strongly support the need to inform, raise awareness and create a working platform for fathers to be open about their Mental health.

In many cultures, including Ghanaian culture, men are expected to be the breadwinners and take on certain duties and responsibilities in the home and family. Daddy is the fixer, the mender, the strength, the pillar and soul of the home. How is he allowed to have emotions that contradict this image? He cannot cry or have bad days. His "daddy is struggling to cope" days are irrelevant because he is daddy. To society he cannot have any struggling to cope moments.

This can create internal conflicts and contribute to feelings of isolation, as men may fear judgement or perceive their emotions as a sign of weakness. This is magnified for men in fatherhood roles as expectations and scrutiny are even higher. The fear of not living up to the family and community’s expectations can lead to a sense of inadequacy, adding to the emotional burden.

Environmental pressures that challenge emotional expression may vary between cultures but Fatherhood itself, while an amazing and wonderful experience, can bring a certain level of emotional challenges that can further complicate the journey toward emotional well-being.

Fathers often have added responsibilities, including the need to be involved in their children’s lives whilst balancing work, family, and personal needs. This becomes a delicate juggling act, leaving little time and energy for introspection and emotional self-care.

The intense emotional investment that comes with fatherhood can amplify the need for fathers to address their emotional well-being, as their Mental state directly affects the family dynamics and the well-being of their children.

Mental health is a worldwide concern, and it is essential to foster an environment that allows fathers to prioritise their emotional well-being without fear of judgement or society's scrutiny.

As we mark Father's Day this year, I recommend the suggestions below for all fathers.

1. Take time to reflect on how you truly feel, validate them, and be gentle and kind to yourself.

2. Learn to build relationships with family and friends

3. Give yourself the opportunity to network with other fathers. You tend to learn a lot more when you are not alone. You may find that other fathers are going through similar experiences or have already been through and have better ways of managing such challenges. You do not have to be alone, there is always support out there.

4. Do you have any activities you enjoy ? Apart from being a father you are also human. Make sure you do not deprive yourself from having fun or relaxing.

5. Practice basic relaxation techniques. Make time to have periods where you can unwind.

6. Society will forever present challenges and expectations, find your own way of navigating a life that works well for you, not what society wants.

As a community, we must work together to break down these barriers and ensure that fathers and men as a whole can truly embrace their emotions, seek support, and lead fulfilling lives as they navigate the ever changing journey of fatherhood.

Happy Fathers Day