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Opinions Fri, 3 Aug 2012

To My Uncle Tarkwa Atta – A Tribute (9)

By Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe, Jr.

Our elders say that:

“A married man who trolls

outside the comforts of his homestead

in search of peace

and happiness

is looking for trouble…”

Uncle Tee,

who is this

Prophet T. B. Joshua

that everybody is talking about

and claiming

to have more clout over

your thoughts

and decisions

than your own

right-hand man…

anyway,

about the only thing

Yoruba

and/or Nigerian

I like more than

almost anything else

is Eba and

Egusi stew

or soup;

so I was repulsed

to the quick

the other day,

to learn

that somehow,

and for some strange reasons

yet to be explained

to me,

you gave up

the ghost

on your way

to Lagos…

yes,

on your way

to the lacustrine city

of Lagos;

and the Portuguese

seem to have been right,

for there is really

something leaky

about Lagos,

which does not quite

explain the critical congestion

that caused that nation’s capital

to be moved to

Abuja,

the Akan equivalent of saying:

“Daddy,

Leave let alone”

or

“Leave it alone,”

whichever conveys

the sounder meaning…

to Lagos

to see a Prophet

Temitope Balogun…

now doesn’t that sound

like Amoatia’s

Mpintin drums…

Temi-tope

Balo-gun gun

gun gun gun gun…

yes,

on your way

to Lagos

to a place called

Synagogue-Church;

what is a synagogue-church,

Uncle Tee…

something like

the Thesaurus’ version

of Convention People’s Party,

or Progressive People’s Party,

both of which,

by the way,

are the bastard scions

of United Gold Coast Convention…

yes,

to consult with

and get

the marbles

of your destiny

cast and

read to you,

at a cost,

by a forest-faced guy

who cannot even say

“Me see,”

“Me de” or

Even “Mese’ndee….”

Ebeii,

Uncle Fiifi Atta,

what is our world

coming to;

we elect you

to govern the land

and our weal,

and then you,

in turn,

appoint

a Lagos man

owner of a

tautologically named shrine

called

Temi-Temi-Temi

Temitope

Balo-

gun

to rule us…

Wow,

Uncle Tee,

I thought,

like me,

in grade school,

you learned

the Kimbanguist theory

of cultural

and spiritual

self-reliance…

alas,

I was grossly

mistaken,

for now,

we even hear

your Mpintin

kinsman,

Balo-gun,

had no wind

of your trip…

7/29/12

Columnist: Okoampa-Ahoofe, Kwame