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Useless Column: Legalise Polygamy

Mawuli Zogbenu1.jpeg Mawuli Zogbenu

Fri, 4 Jun 2021 Source: Mawuli Zogbenu

Abeg, stop insulting me in your head o. Polygamy was our original culture which simply means every woman must have a husband. Isn’t that fair? Ah! Korkuvi paaa, you have mistakenly impregnated someone. You didn’t want an unwanted eyi because you have plenty children already and wouldn’t want any more financial burden and you have been worried about it.

Unfortunately for you, that person just called you to say she has miscarried! How would you feel? You should be very sympathetic and be crying by now! You are there drinking beer! Heartless Korkuvi! You didn’t know children are gifts from God?

But the children we so much desire and legitimately give birth to nowadays, them be wild o. I am beginning to fear my own children in these days of technology o.

Herh! I realized my children have become addicted to watching movies on Metflix and it was taking so much of their time. Uncomfortable with that, my wife got upset and said she was going to block them from accessing Metflix. The following day when my wife was about to block the phone, you won’t believe what these children had done to the phone la – they put a password on it.

Welcome to the ‘useless column’ where all abstracts are discussed without any meaningful lessons to learn from! No be so? Hahahahahahaha! Thank God it’s Fladayyyyyyyyy!

‘Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothe being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished’. Proverbs 6:27-29).

It was some time in 1999 when I visited, Quami a friend on admission at the hospital. His body was swollen from his waist down to his feet. Every other part upward was very normal and healthy. He was a handsome young pharmacist who the ladies in his neighbourhood liked so much.

He fell in love with one of them and forgot the fact that every action has a reaction! The lady was someone’s wife! May Quami’s soul rest in peace! Upon all the single ladies out there, e bi married woman he wanted to have a 2-minute fun with and unfortunately paid with his life.

In a conversation with someone I met about a recent experience I nearly found myself in, he said if he were the one, he would do it. Really? I told him he would pay for it without knowing. It was the biggest test I had ever passed in my life because I was constantly reminding myself of Proverbs Chapter 6 verses 32-34: “But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away. For jealousy arouses a husband’s fury and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge”. These are not my words o. they are from the Bible.

This one, whether your lover’s husband knows about it or not, you would still pay for it if you go ahead pretending to have the fear of God in you.

My experience was so close as can be found in Proverbs Chapter 7 about an adulterous wife. Some of them will not even tell you they are married o. the closest they can come to is that they are separated and that is where the danger is. Don’t dare! Until that experience, I never believed that some wives actually have extra sexual affairs. Sometimes the bad ones would still not.

I advised this guy about how so many terrible things could happen to him without himself being affected directly but it will SURELY happen. Lord God have mercy and take me out of that hot coal. Never be deceived that you have no control over your body except when you have a running stomach. Let’s stop blaming the devil for every conscious offence against man and God!

Is it not better to have a polygamous husband than a cheating husband? Fafa’s answer to me was an emphatic YES! She further explained that it is better to know that your husband is gone to Ablavi rather than being lied to about a church meeting that has never was!

What then can we do about men [including me] who are legally supposed to have one wife but we have secret multiples and still go to church to deceive ourselves? Ei, this God too, He is merciful oo! Hmm!

‘The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom’ summarises the whole Bible but do we fear Him? I am not a moral judge because I am equally very bad. Sin fascinates and assassinates. Many people are just enduring their marriages and that is a fact but that should not give us the moral right to cheat with unhappy wives. Most of us men are behaving like my Uncle Ganyaglo.

When you advise him to marry a second wife, he would say it is ungodly and Christians are not supposed to do that. Yet, he has one million hidden concubines. Why do we keep deceiving ourselves? Let’s make polygamy official and be free la!

Believe me, if there is a referendum today as to whether to legalise polygamy or not, I am sure even some men of God will all vote YES! Yes or No? People have problems with being with the same person all the time and so easily get fed up and that is normal. Unfortunately for us, men, whether we are fed up or not, we would by all means cheat! No be so? But for our wives, it is haram to do so oo, hahahahahahaha!

But I don’t know whether it is the advent of social media these days. Some wives who are more Christian than Christ Himself do these things because they are not happy in their marriages and would find happiness elsewhere. I really don’t have a problem with such wives o, but the men who know paaaa that these are married women and they still go in to commit such adultery are those who vex me paaa.

We have different levels of sexual sins o and the highest and the most abhorrent for and man’s highest form of human provocation is sleeping with another man’s wife. You wait; one or two married women may come your way unless you are not handsome as stated in Proverbs Chapter 7. The tendency to give in can be very high and the devil (your mind) may be encouraging you but hey…don’t go there, Bro! There are so many single girls out there!

I was at a funeral recently and saw some guys discussing how common it is to find some married women in other extra marital affairs (sexual relationships). This conversation was triggered by they seeing a married woman and another man who is not her husband sitting in a comprising position. One of the guys knew they were ‘tweeing mpena’ (dating) though they both had wedding rings on and so no one would suspect.

I was not surprised because I had a few advances made at me by some of those who were not happy in their marriages and thought I was a shoulder to rest on. It is in Proverbs Chapter 6 somewhere like that o! I repeat! If a man does not fear anything at all, not sexual relationship with another man’s wife. It means death o! At least that is what my late father told me when I was growing up.

I am of some conviction that if the law permits us to officially marry more than one, none of these may be happening.

Herh, some mosquito just bite me. The wildest mosquitoes I have ever come across are those around Alogboshie. Ei. They bite with swag! You can virtually count the number of teeth they have.

One of the easiest ways of dealing with these mosquitoes is to open all the windows and doors of your room at 6.15pm, allow all the mosquitoes to enter the room, shut all the doors and windows on them and go and sleep outside. Dasorrr! The way you would sleep soundly er, you have no idea.

I’ve tried it and it worked. It is often better when your house is near a big smelly gutter with bushes and refuse dumps all over the house. It helps prevent malaria. That is when they organize their zoom meetings with everyone of them physically present.

Try it and don’t thank me bcos you may not live to thank me if you consciously allow malaria into your life.

On this note, may I suggest that we legalise polygamy so that there would be competition such that when Ablavi knows about the existence of Adwoa, Yaa and Afia as co-wives, she will behave and their husbands will stop looking at other women including the married ones?

This ‘monopoly’ of one wife is not helping us o, even me. I don’t want to ‘hide’ again! I want to have more wives to be ‘documented’! That white-man’s idea of one-man- one-seat must change to one-man-one train of wives like Solomon did! I want to be wise! Hahahahahaaa!

Remember SIN FASCINATES AND ASSASSINATES! God be with us all and flee and flee and flee! Tataaaa!

Columnist: Mawuli Zogbenu