Useless Column: ‘Prince?’

Some people are funny o. Carrying firewood to go and sell is not just your hobby but your source of livelihood. You naaa you know you are not from any royal family and your father is also a blacksmith and an ordinary one as such yet you say you be Prince. It is interesting how almost everyone you talk to says he is from the royal family. Wey kan royal family! Imagine my name being ‘Prince Mawuli Zogbenu’. From which kingdom? I realised this when my Dad died some 30 years ago. An autopsy was to be performed and my senior siblings resisted as they stated that we did not want that to be done because we are from a royal family. Royal where? Hehehehe!

I was 18 then and when I overheard them, I laughed inside my head! Big Brother Abraham himself was the leader of the ‘delegation’ and explained that as royals, no razor was to touch Papa’s body. Why did I even address him as ‘Dad’ when the poor soul was a ‘Papa’! ‘Dad’ is often used for the…you know what I mean. Royal family? For the where? Kisseman Kingdom or Christian Village eyi? Royal family man, good afternoon o, Mr Abraham Zogbenu. Hahahaaaa! It was poverty that killed my old boy o. We didn’t have tiiin to pay for some medications and what can come, came. Poverty it was yet we were there protesting an autopsy just because ‘we are from the royal family’. Abeg, let me walk pass and go er! We lied o: we are nobodies.

In fact, we were at the lowest ebb of the classes of the ordinary indigenes of my hometown yet we say we are royals. Go to my hometown now and see. Even the village chief himself could be seen jumping from one mango tree to the other plucking unripe mangoes to survive and we are here in Accra saying we are royals. Tweeaaaa! Nothing annoys me more than those who call themselves Prince or those who give birth and name their children ‘Prince’. Which kind of Prince? The suffer suffer one like me? Or just because the name ‘Prince’ sounds nice? You would have noticed I deliberately remained silent on ‘Princess’. That one is not common though you would hear Mothers especially calling their daughters ‘my Princess’ but it is not added to their names. My problem is with the men who allow themselves to be called ‘Prince’ when it is because the name sweet them, not because they are from the royal family. Royal where?

Happy birthday to you, my Brother, ‘Prince’ Mawuli Ahorlumegah of GhanaWeb. Or I should drop the ‘Prince’ just in case you are not even sure? Mawuli wey e bi Prince, you see some before? Hahahahahaha! Next year by this time, I pray you become a Prince by getting married to Princess Korsiwa’s Sister. Just manage the ‘Prince’ like that. We will understand. God bless you Bro and continue to remain amazing, trustworthy, dependable and dedicated. You’re a blessing to many.! Enjoy my brother.

Do you remember Sonny, that small boy in my neighborhood who has been coming to wash my car on Saturdays? He is called Prince too la!

This boy would wash my car and every time he did, I gave him money. That fateful Saturday after washing the car, I only took the car key from him and didn’t give him anything; neither did I say anything apart from ‘THANK YOU’. In less than 5 minutes, I saw him come to pass in front of my house and greeted loudly: ‘Bra Mawuli, good morning’ to which I responded. In another 10 minutes, he came back again greeting, this time louder ‘Bra Mawuli, I say good morning o’. I really didn’t get it; why I should be greeted many times in the morning. Until the 4th time, I didn’t realize the guy was doing ‘debt recovery’; he wanted his money and had to apply some degree of subtlety to get his money for services rendered! Hmmm! Some of today’s youth are just not ready to do anything for free! It’s unfortunate! Maybe they are learning it from some of us the older ones. ‘What is in it for me?’ is a common unfortunate one. I don’t even know if it is a statement or a question. Hmmm! Almost everyone wants something for doing something. Ei! Ansrewa!

If ‘Prince’ had lived in a zongo before like I did, he would know that helping older people is communal service and an honour to God and part of the growing up process. In our growing up days, you’d serve everybody without expecting anything in return. In fact, you felt good for washing your neighbour’s car!

As you enter this week, let me warn you o.‘Oh Bra Sammy, you can pour it inside bcos I am in my safe period’ is the ‘agreement’ that creates street children o! Go ahead and be ‘pouring and borning’ by heart and become irresponsible. Go ahead and don’t protect yourself against STDs and unwanted pregnancies. You will come and meet me here. Behave yourself and stick to only your wife o, yoo, Komlavi! HIV still dey o, yoo!

I have been coughing for the past one week. It usually starts as soon as I finish laughing. What should I do? Please your advice is critical especially if you are a medical doctor. Last year when I had a similar coughing matter and sought advice from Sammy having given him the same cause, he asked me to stop laughing so I will not cough again. Is that fair? How on earth should I stop laughing just because I don’t want to cough? Abeg, let me laugh and cough ooo! Hahahaaa!

You know, the danger in keeping a strange woman (I mean a woman who is not your wife) in your company can be dire and could even end you in jail? I never imagined this. That night, in my hotel room, Korsiwa came for her usual ‘prayers’ and that was when she broke the bad news to me. We had agreed to let her sleep over to sort things out. At about 1.38am, she started shivering fafafafafafa! Ei what is this, I panicked. There was no hospital around for me to take her to. What if the worst happens in this case? She could die oo, I imagined. I called someone I knew in the area and he mentioned a clinic nearby.

The night duty nurses were attending to nature’s call at that time of the night la! I expected them to have refused to pick that nature’s call and attend to Kosiwa. Fortunately, one of them came to my rescue and when we got to the car to bring Kosiwa out, she walked towards us amazingly happy and laughing. What has changed? Kosiwa said she was ok and didn’t need a doctor again. Ei, wonders.

Kosiwa now narrated her story about having eaten cooked beans with fried eggs very late at 11pm hence her stomach upset and after filling my car with ‘Gana gas’, she was ok now. What a relief! Since then, I have learnt not to subject myself to questions I cannot answer. I hate it. As I think about the consequences, I avoid taking certain actions.

So what actually made Korsiwa ‘pregnant’ was unknown; it was the beans and eggs! If I knew earlier, I would just have arranged a bigger and a more spacious chamber pot for her to do the needful rather than the hell she took me through running from hospital to hospital…for nothing. You see why my coughing cannot stop coughing because anytime I remember this incident, I laugh not because of the incident o, but because Korsiwa also calls herself ‘Princess’. Princess Korsiwa broke pass me sef!

Next time, when you think of having fun with a stranger in a hideout or in the absence of your wife at home, think… ‘what if this person dies in my house or in the hotel room’? Or it is not possible? It happens o, yoo! After all, you are not even a prince.

Till, we meet again next weekend to have this ‘useless’ fun, before you say something [often negative] about someone, remember this: ‘What Paul says about Peter tells us more about Paul than about Peter’ (Baruch Spinoza)! Bye byeeeeee!

#Sin fascinates and assassinates!