Mawuli Zogbenu is the author
If you just finished using the washroom at the workplace and you know that the content you just ‘downloaded’ is extremely offensive as a result of excessive fried eggs and meat you ate the previous night and while coming out, you see your Boss also entering, pause and make a quick decision.
This decision has life time consequences. Would you stop him or you would allow him to suffer the nasal consequences of an indirect attack on his lungs from you? Remember, appraisal time would soon come. Eat vegetables and fruits, you say no. Meat and eggs are your paddies. Before you make that quick decision of either stopping him or allowing him to continue, resolve not to eat anything that day.
It’s weekend again and time to take it easy on ourselves. No harshness on self! Why do some of our wives have a problem when we let them know that they did something which we didn’t like? They say we should communicate and should not hide any sour feelings in our stomach. But when I tell my wife that she has done something which I didn’t like, she becomes defensive and that makes me regret even talking about the matter.
Since last week, she has been quiet and not saying anything. How can you be quiet and not talk just because you saw condom in my laptop bag? Is it not to protect the laptop from deadly viruses? Ah! The saddest part is that she won’t even confront me for me to have a fine opportunity to lie and deny whatever she has seen.
Now you saw condom in my laptop bag and you are quiet. Don’t you know that laptops also need protection? My laptop deserves better wae, Madam. Ah! This weekend, you have to confront me or else I would bring it up myself for discussion so I can lie. Hahaaaaaaa! Disclaimer: my Wife wrote the above, not me. She is my co-Author.
Ooooohhhh, tomorrow is weekend and I have to see my jujuman. He is so good he gave super glue to my grandmother as eye drops! Simple – my grandmother can see very clearly now especially at the Awudome cemetery! Hmmm! The things that people can do and still expect our ignorance to take the better part of us can be amazing. Don’t some people go places? If I said I am going to see my jujuman to finish all the wall geckos in my room, what crime have I committed making me look like I am the worst man on earth, er?
I just remembered Korshi and this is what is going on in my mind right now: A little mountain jumped over a huge monkey and the donkey failed to jump and a snake appeared to serve the king water and tea bread to customers of the wele seller’s daughter who plies her trade in selling tiger meat and jata powder at the mall.
Abeg, at this point, I am sure by now, you understand why this column is a totally ‘useless column’! I would be surprised if you continue reading. Hahaaaaaaa! My ‘colleagues’ are plenty. We plentey o. hahaaaaa!
All God wants from us is GRATITUDE even when things are not going our way. Haven’t you noticed that there are things you have not prayed for but God has given them to you for free?
I never prayed to be circumcised but it happened. This simply reminded me of Korshi, my primary 4 mate who, at age 10, was now going to undergo the battle of circumcision. I thank God, at the time I was already circumcised, I didn’t even feel it or realized it. I was a baby and the wanzam was super good. I was told I cried though, but me I don’t remember.
In the case of Korshi, his father felt ‘it will pain him’ if he was circumcised at such a tender age of 2 weeks. The father was so insensitive he didn’t want his son to go through pains as a baby.
Awwwwww…what a caring father! But it had to be done anyway. Now Korshi is ten years old. He had to be circumcised. The wanzam who did mine had passed. Wanzams became scarce. So Korshi’s Mother went to hire one wanzam from Abofu, a suburb of Achimota.
All was set and the man was to come on Saturday morning. As mischievous as I was or still am, I organized my peers to be around and see how he was going to come out of the ‘operation’ or at best react to the knife the wanzam was going to use to cut that ‘borla’ off.
Hell was to break loose when the wanzam came to Kisseman carrying with him a machete; that cutlass with a big sharpened blade. Upon seeing the wanzam, Korshi took to his heels in a cloth wrapped around his waist and the ‘thing’ handing loosely in between his distin with a frown.
Myself and some of my peers were asked to chase him and bring him back for the circumcision. This was where I got excited and we chased him with all the needed strength. Unknown to us, the man who was supposed to be a wanzam was not even the one. This man was just on his way to the farm to go and weed and was walking through Kissseman. The farm was then located in the thicket of the area between where the Forestry Commission has its office now and Haatso.
The area we call now as West Legon. It used to be our farmland o. The sale and development of Westland started some time late 1991 into 1992. Westlands is now a complete city. Greetings o, my first classmate and neighbor, Honourable Justice Kudalor (Papavi), the Assembly man of Westland. You are doing a good job. Keep it up, Bro.
Ahaaan! Now back to Korshi. Korshi ‘went to exile’ and not seen for days. As to whether he got circumcised later in life or not and by what means, I don’t know. I recently met him at a funeral and I was tempted to ask him: ‘Chairman, how far?’ but looking at him now with muscles, I only swallowed my laughter, greeted him and came home to laugh. I don’t blame Korshi. I blame the Father.
This is why - someone recently asked me to explain to him what this expression meant. That ‘torn between the devil and the deep blue sea’ and the following example was what came to mind immediately just for him to understand. You know what it means to accidentally pull a zip on the top skin of your distin in your jeans trousers after you have used the washroom. In this ‘crisis’ you wouldn’t know whether to unzip down or zip it up. Choose one! Ajeeeei! That thing er…hmmm!
The epoch prior to the 21st century, there is a popular saying during the public health education on the Six Killer diseases those days that: ‘Pain is like measles; the earlier one gets it and gets treated, the better’. Don’t run away from pain as propounded by a popular reggae musician: ‘he who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day’.
Greetings o, Mr Korshi Kofi
Have a nice weekend and remember: ‘No God, No peace; know God, know peace! Bye byeeeeeeee!
