When NAM1 fights a gossip

Nyaba,

There's is plenty of gossip at the village square. There's plenty of sweet, sweet gossip. I don't even know where to start from, which one to leave out or where to stop once I start.

Somebody says he heard some people talking about how they had heard someone telling another about how some other person had told somebody else about a fight between a gossip and a man who buys gold from people.

Rumor has it that the gossip, went into an iron bird and flew all the way to the land of Queen Lizzy to verify whether or not the man who buys and sells gold really has an office in the land of Queen Lizzy. The rumor says when the gossip arrived in the land of the white man, he indeed saw an office.

However, he did not go inside the office. Nyaba, you see, unlike in here in our village, one can't just wake up, put a chewing stick in one's mouth, find some old slippers, tie one's wife's cloth around his neck and over one's shoulders to cover one's backside, and proceed to enter the homes of your neighbours in search of small sugar, pepper, and bread. In the land of the white man, you need to do something known as "booking an appointment". In the absence of an appointment, the gossip couldn't go into the supposed office. As a result, he stood outside and gossiped.

He said he had seen an office, however the office was small. And then he said some other things which "AppiahEd" to have affected the appetite of Mr Appiah the goldsmith. Mr Appiah is rumored to have called the gossip not to the land of Israel, but to the land of "stupid" people. He told the gossip that "business is not for the pope".

The gossip, in response, "AppiahEd" to have asked Mr Appiah to "focus". Mr Appiah the goldsmith did not "appiah" happy about that sarcastic comment. He would not take such a blow from a mere gossip whose monthly income is probably what Mr Appiah "appiahs" to spend on breakfast alone. So, Mr Appiah hit back with a Mike Tyson - like jab "dream".

Thereafter, there was quiet - absolute quiet as both men "AppiahEd" to be licking their wounds. But the most wounded persons "AppiahEd" to have been Mr Appiah.

Mr Appiah has the financial muscle to employ the best PR practitioners in the world to handle his PR but as to why he "Appiahs" to be jumping into these controversies himself, I "appiah" not to understand.

Nyaba, when next I write to you, it shall be about the gossip about how the people of Kunfuland are planning to buy Nkrumahland. That gossip too will be sweet.

NB

My underwear has grabbed my sack and pushed the two contents against my thighs. Only men will understand my pain. Let me go and rearrange my sack. I shall be back.