7
MenuWallOpinions
Articles

Where Is The Source of The Nile (2)?

Thu, 22 May 2014 Source: Kwarteng, Francis

“Mystery,” declares The Scarab Beetle, adding: “Is mysterious. What is more, like The Source of The Nile, The Source of Mystery is a mystery. And mysterious. Both.”

“Mysteriously mysterious!” intone The Six Animal Friends.

“What is mysterious about mystery?” asks The Wind. “Well, mystery is the social face of the untaught ethno-mind. Anyway, The Dead is silence, is it not it? What of Death?”

Silence! Silence! Silence!

Meanwhile, Political Geographers, Psychological Earth Scientists, and Neo-Spiritual Geologists have variously speculated on The Source of The Nile, an ethno-man with two seemingly divergent tributaries, with two hearts, The Blue Nile and The White Nile, a geo-anatomic arrangement that places it, The Source of The Nile, in East Africa, the original home of ethno-humanity. The source of The Blue Nile is Ethiopia; of The White Nile is equatorial East Africa. “But,” begins The Scarab Beetle, “Where is The Source of The Nile?” A thicket of rhetorical stillness shoots through the social gridlock of philosophical conundrum. Death! Death! Death!

Where is The Source of The Nile?

The expectant responses are many and various. Still, others give that credit, The Source of The Nile, to Lake Victoria, another ethno-human with its own set of Feeder Rivers. But, that aside, Lake Victoria is in The Land of The Cottonians, not Africa, The Noble Land of Humanity, given also that The Source of The Nile is located somewhere in The Heart of Africa. Neither is The Blue Nile KA Busia nor The White Nile JB Danquah, with “white” associated with the former fictitious character on the basis of the fact that, inter alia, he once nursed an exotic idea, a dangerous philosophy, of shipping off Gold Coasters to The Island of Apartheid, where, he believed, Apartheidians, of The Cottonians, would have given them better treatment.

The obvious question is: What makes “white” blue and “blue” white? Silence! Silence! Silence! Besides, it is not even known, immediately or remotely, if Komodo Dragon and Tasmanian Devil are River Horses. At all! Death! Death! Death! The Dead!

Where is The Source of The Nile?

As for The Blue Nile KA Busia, the leader of the Nation of Lazy Monsters (NLM) along with The White Nile JB Danquah, the least said or written about him, the better, namely, he is nothing to write home about, since, a book, “Politics of the Sword,” authored by General AK Ocran, one of Komodo Dragon’s friends, essentially describes him as “the most ineffectual politician to lead Ghana, The Scarab Beetle’s Ghana!” How did The Blue Nile KA Busia, Komodo Dragon, come to be a trusted advisor to The Feudal Dictators, the constitution of the NLM? It is public knowledge among The Seven Animal Friends that, The Blue Nile KA Busia was part of the clandestine planning, of the sickly bombast of seismic pretense, that eventually toppled The Dolphin, The Scarab Beetle’s totem, and his close friends, The Six Animal Friends.

Where is The Source of The Nile?

The Earthquake! The Earth! The Ground Beneath Her Feet. John Coltrane, Louis Armstrong, Yo-Yo Ma, Bob Marley, Fela Kuti, Miles Davis, Koo Nimo, Prince Nico Mbarga, Thelonious Monk, Guy Warren, Salman Rushdie’s “The Ground Beneath Her Feet,” the trumpet, the piano, the drum, the saxophone, the guitars…become a vocal dirge of cemeterial ghostiliness. Seemingly. So? Oh! Merely seemingly. Ostensibly. Apparently. On the face of it…

Where is The Source of The Nile?

Yo-Yo Ma plays the cello; Koo Nimo and Prince Nico Mbarga add the crying-voice of their palm-wine guitars; Guy Warren of Ghana supplements the orchestra with his syncopated drumming-ness; the rocky voices of Peter Tosh, Fela Kuti, and Bob Marley make a militantly powerful showing; Thelonious Monk displays tactile dexterity on the piano; the vocal saxophonics of John Coltrane steams in; the elephantine trumpeting of Louis Armstrong and of Miles Davis take over the dirge of social and political confusion. The raspy, croaky voice of Louis Armstrong joins the vocal symphony of Fela Kuti’s, Bob Marley’s and Peter Tosh’s. These facts also reliably explain why they, namely, authors of the sickly bombast of seismic pretense, immediately handed over political power to The Blue Nile KA Busia, that, in the wake of framing up General Joseph A. Ankrah in a national scandal of political bribery.

Where is The Source of The Nile?

Still, it does not matter that, notwithstanding the fact that General AK Ocran’s critical appraisal of The Blue Nile KA Busia’s political record shelves the latter’s legacy on the debit entry of Ghana’s balance sheet of political history, Brother Apartheid, The Blue Nile KA Busia’s secret identical-twin mistress of the Nation of Lazy Monsters (NLM), places The Blue Nile KA Busia first in a strange panoramic lineup: Busia-Danquah-Dombo, this, that, in spite of Simon Diedong Dombo’s setting aside his oppositional parliamentary majority for a defunct political effeminate, the United Party (UP). Death! Death! Death! Death to terrorists of political transvestitism! The Dead! “Death to castrated political animals that pleasurably kill innocent children, men, and women for their blood and flesh! Death to political vampires and social cannibals!” runs the motto of the United Party (UP), a divisive party of political vampires and social cannibals.

Where is The Source of The Nile?

The terroristic ethnocrats do not have an atom of respect for Chief Simon Diedong Dombo. These ethnocentric political cannibals and social vampires! Busia-Danquah-Dombo! They conveniently push Chief Simon Diedong Dombo to the social periphery of historical irrelevancy. How dare they! Predictably, cabinet members of the elitist ethnocratic “Animal Farm,” a political transfiguration of The Nation of Lazy Monsters (NLM) into a political party of social ethnocrats, have erected a pillar of law, Anti-Avoidance of Discrimination Act, proscribing public acknowledgment of the orthographic lineup—Busia-Danquah-Dombo—as interpretively bi-directional or exegetically boustrophedon, this, without necessarily, even sufficiently, if at all, explaining the two technical concepts to the unlettered wise masses.

Where is The Source of The Nile?

Silence! Silence! Silence! Implicitly, the law itself as it stands is meant to stifle critical thinking in the body politic, since, among other things, it entails thinking from right to left and left to right—political and social consciousness, a cognitive gift typical of The Scarab Beetle! That is, the law is designed to prevent citizens from knowing their rights and the responsibilities of government, a government of junta-cracy. The Nation of Little Conmen (NLC), a mongrel bastard-son of The Nation of Lazy Monsters (NLM). That is. Death! Death! Death! Death to the lazy monsters!

Where is The Source of The Nile?

Where is Okyeame Baffour Akoto, the boastful Anti-Ash linguist, and The Porcupine of the Anti-Ash Nation, she-men of the epochal paleontology of the Dinosaurs, Mammoths, and Dodoes? Where is he to explain “boustrophedon” and “bi-directional” to the all-knowing ethno-citizens of the separatist city-state of the now-extinct Anti-Ash Empire of yesteryear? Where is that immaterial yesteryear of material today-ness? Okyeame Baffour Akoto, it turns out, has an untamable phobia for the English language, one of the many psittacine languages spoken by The Cottonians. Coincidentally, the mere sight of English orthography, small, medium, and big, gets him awash in a social-ocean of goose bumps, technically, via a-cultural mechanics of political piloerection. How then did he expect to read, let alone understand, as it were, the complicated written agreement signed by the leadership of the Nation of Lazy Monsters?

The answer, of course, lies with The Blue Nile KA Busia and The White Nile JB Danquah, the two most important Machiavellian leaders in the entire political history of the NLM! They did fake Okyeame Baffour Akoto’s signature and sign on his behalf! What? Oh the porcupinish The Porcupine! English grammar? Who? English grammar? Which? English grammar is cultural terrorism! Unlike the political terrorism of Tasmanian Devil and of Komodo Dragon! True? Ask Elizabeth Asantewaa and the other innocent men, women, and children who tasted the lemonized political terrorism of Tasmanian Devil, Okyeame Baffour Akoto, and Komodo Dragon! Ask The Scarab Beetle! Ask Kulungugu Bombing! Ask Krobo Edusei’s sister and wife!

In the end, that public responsibility, a dinosaurian explanatory activity, however, falls on the wise-head of Prof. Parrot, Dr. Kofi Awoonor’s totem, consequently. “The words ‘bi-directional’ and ‘boustrophedon,’” he explains. “Basically means the same thing. It basically means reading a script, writing, etc., alternatively from right to left and left to right.” Again, the law specifically directs The People to read the orthographic lineup only from left to right, thus invariably rendering the uncompromising regionalistic The Blue Nile KA Busia ethnically the most important, The White Nile JD Danquah the less important, and Dombo the least important. A dangerously divisive kind of ethnocracy which The Scarab Beetle labels feudal “ethnic federalism.”

Then again, the obvious question is, how could General KA Ocran’s “the most ineffectual politician to lead Ghana, The Scarab Beetle’s Ghana,” admittedly, assume historical importance? Even better than the CIA’s ‘Doyen of Gold Coast Politics,’ a Machiavellian personality sandwiched between Busia and Dombo in the so-called orthographic lineup? The CIA! The “C” is The Circle. The “I” is The Straight-Line. The “A” is either “Afrifa” or “Africa.” Yesterday. The Scarab Beetle draws a circle and a straight line in the sand. Today. The Scarab Beetle explains them to The Six Animal Friends.

Where is The Source of The Nile?

Geronimo Akwasi Afrifa is Winston Churchill’s classmate at The Royal Military Academy Sandhurst. Geronimo Akwasi Afrifa calls his doctoral dissertation The Straight-Line. On the other hand, Winston Churchill names his high-school dissertation The Circle. Also, the former’s describes how he is going to use his acquired education to destroy the progressive and near-industrial world raised by The Scarab Beetle, while the latter’s deals with making The Cottonians’ land progressive, democratic, and industrial by getting rid of The Hyena, Adolf Hitler’s totem. But Geronimo Akwasi Afrifa is a porcupinish hyena.

Eventually, Geronimo Akwasi Afrifa destroys his parents’, his siblings’, and his descendants’ world by getting rid of The Scarab Beetle. That world was called Africa, The Noble Land of Humanity. He gets rewarded with a new kingship title “Katakyie Captain Planet” and becomes The Queen Mother of The Nation of Lazy Monsters (NLM). As a further appreciation of his populist gesture by the masses, The People’s Afrifa Faces Reason & Commonsense (AFRC) hands a private residence over to him. The People call this private residence “An Unmarked Grave,” a phrasal synonym for “social, historical, and political anonymity.” Winston Churchill goes on to become a Nobel laureate (literature) and “The Famous Prime Minister of The Cottonians.”

Those notwithstanding, The Dolphin, The Scarab Beetle’s totem, even before his birth, had anticipated the fractionating nature of ethnic federalism, racism, and regionalism, and, as a result, had promulgated the Avoidance of Discrimination Act to prevent the social and political proliferation of ethnic federalism, particularly, as well as of its ensuant destructiveness in the body politic. As a matter of fact, even today, the Dolphin continues to apply the legal mechanics of the Avoidance of Discrimination Act to his post-natal social and political friendship with his Six Animal Friends, though the cabinet members of the “Animal Farm” say ethnic federalism, racism, and regionalism are ineffaceable.

Where is The Source of The Nile?

Death! Death! Death! Accordingly, they, Geronimo Akwasi Afrifa and The Blue Nile KA Busia, abolish the law and put the Sallah v. Attorney General, so-called Anti-Avoidance of Discrimination Act, in its stead. This draconian law is now the “Mate Me Ho” anthem of the Nation of Lazy Monsters (NLM), the grandparents of all coups in Ghana. On another level, The White Nile JB Danquah and The Blue Nile KA Busia capitalize on their tributarian attributes to squeeze the Nilotic cardiac muscles of The Scarab Beetle out of material existence. Death to castrated political animals that pleasurably kill innocent children, men, and women for their blood and flesh! Death to political vampires and social cannibals!” runs the motto of the United Party (UP), a divisive party of political vampires and social cannibals.

“Anyway, what is mysterious about mystery?” asks The Wind. “In other words, what is so mysterious about The Source of The Nile?”

Silence! Silence! Silence! Death! Death! Death! Life! Life! Life! Silence! Silence! Silence!

“Ask The Source of The Nile!” says The Scarab Beetle. “Let The Circle and The Straight-Line help you out should you find your straight-line lost in the testicular haziness of your circle.”

We shall return…

Columnist: Kwarteng, Francis