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Who sold the wedding car?

Wedding Car Sold.jpeg Mawuli Zogbenu

Wed, 13 Nov 2019 Source: Mawuli Zogbenu

One of the most disrespectful things to do to one self is to leave the washroom in a very messy chaka chaka state after using it without caring about the next person who would use it. I don’t know why some human beings are like that. What they hate to be done to them is what they enjoy doing to others.

Do you know that if you want society to be happy with you, pretend to be having a bad marriage? I won’t explain why but that is the truth. Let your working career woman wear the best of clothes and jewelry; the perception would be ‘it is you, the husband who bought it for her and not minding your own nephews and nieces who are suffering’. You wicked uncle! ‘Your children are going to school at Martin de Porris and your nephews and nieces are at Aaayaloloo L/A Primary and you don’t care about them but spending on only your wife! In fact they even add ‘that your witch wife’ In fact it is the reason some relations of some husbands will not encourage nephews and nieces to come and stay with them o. This is bcos every nice thing the woman wears is reported to aunties and uncles as regards how nicely onco is treating the wife and ignoring his own relatives and then they develop a certain attitude towards you. Nephews and nieces must stay far away and be taken care of in a distance rather than staying with you oo, yoo. By our cultural set up, a lot of our nephews and nieces are natural family gossips. What they have not seen are the things they report on like some bloggers in Ghana.

If you are having a good marriage in our part of the world, chances are that you would be seen as having been bewitched or jujued by your wife. If you like, when you get to the church premises together, open the car door for your wife to get down. Even the congregants whose expectation of how ideal a marriage should be would start praying for you ‘so that whatever juju your wife has used on you would evaporate from your eyes’. Under what circumstance must you have a good marriage! Shhh! It often starts from the man’s family members. Please don’t tell them o. They are the first to start talking behind how jimijimi you, their brother has become because of that witch woman from…often they link it to a tribe where the people there are so powerful! Ei! What a continent. We pretend we want the best for our peers and families yet, ‘mia our anus on the quiet so that the worst happens. If you like, overtake someone in your career space and see. He or she may be the one to keep encouraging you to go to school so you get promoted. You go to school and come and overtake him or her through promotion and see. Hmmmm!

Someone once told me that it is better to take care of my wife’s siblings than your own siblings. I didn’t understand till he explained. According to him, ‘you may think your Aunties like you till your father is dead’. Nobody really takes care of another’s child nowadays o. You for look sharp! Now this was his explanation: when you take care of your own relations and you die, they WON’T mind your wife and children. When you take good care of your wife’s brothers and or sisters, when you are dead and gone, the same in-laws are the ones more likely to take good care of your wife and children. In fact, every man must die first before his wife. As for me that is how I want it. I can’t stand being a widower! Let me be the first to go after 80 years from now and then she can decide to die later; who cares!

All things being equal, families in which the men die first, the children’s future are better secured or guaranteed than the other way round. The reason I thanked God it was my father who died first or else the way my life would have been in a mess er, you have no idea. Mothers will not allow you to go waste but fathers may bring in some ‘useless’ partner to harass your life till you become a wee smoker or a sex worker bcos you are not their real children. True story o; if in doubt ask the social psychologists. God bless our mothers la! That is the reason I have to make adequate provision for my family through insurance so that when I am not there, they can continue to live and become the doctors I want them to be. My only fear is that when I am the first to die, some idiot will start visiting my wife in my own house and be ‘entering things’ I no longer have control over! It will pain me o…hahaaa! On that note, That would perhaps be the reason I would prefer to be the last to ‘file out’!

We congratulate people when they are getting married and yet some friends and relations quietly pray for the marriage to fail – true or yes? Ei Mawuli, what people don’t like saying openly is what you are saying o. be careful o, Mawu! You wait till you become your former boss’ boss! This happens even among some white people. Human beings are the same everywhere.

On my wedding day, I wanted to show class and so hired a brand new SUV to carry my wife. Me myself, I was using an alatsa car with no air-condition in it. So I asked my driver to roll the glass up in the hot sun before we arrived at the Tantra Hills St John’s Methodist Church for people to know that me too I dey. I be guy!

I don’t know whether it was the happiest day in my life bcos of the heat that nearly suffocated me and my driver and we were sweating as if we had just finished pounding fufu when we got down from the car at the Church. I was annoyed with myself but man must look sharp. The car must be presented as a fully nyanya car so glass was up and heat was killing us. It was little wonder when we closed from the wedding, Paul, my driver handed the car key to me to drive myself bcos he was about to have an asthma attack from the heat.

I think the most disciplined Church in the whole world in terms of time SERIOUSNESS is the St John’s Methodist Church at Tantra Hills near the Champion Divine Clinic. We started the wedding at 1pm and by 2.30pm, we were done. The ‘Africans’ who thought it was an ‘African programme’ came and missed even the wedding reception which took place in the same church premises within a short time. Those who came with the intention of drinking alcoholic beverages were disappointed bcos, not a single bottle was allowed in the yard. Rev Lovia Lamptey and one Dr Aryee who were the Officiating Ministers were super principled. In fact that was the reason I decided to rather join my wife at the Methodist Church instead of the other way round.

I still insist that if after 3 years of marriage anybody who says the happiest day in his life is his or her wedding day, then such a person might be using a certain computer app. I am yet to hear anybody saying that! Alla! It’s a hard territory but exciting at the same time. I saw a joke on social media flying out this week about a couple whose divorce was going to be climaxed with a refreshment invitation. It was not funny. Three things my Senior citizens keep teaching me are 1. don’t laugh at mentally deranged people; 2: don’t laugh at every prisoner and finally don’t joke about divorce. There is nothing like a small divorce o! When you visit the divorce, you would just pray to God, they change their minds about it but lack of forgiveness, ego and lack of understanding of God’s original plan for what marriage should be like yet we are always in church and ignore all that the pastors tell us about God’s original plan. One of the cases that got a couple to court was a car they both bought and used for the wedding and after that the car disappeared. The woman discovered later that her husband had given the car out to be used as a hiring car and was taking the proceeds and told the wife the car was stolen and bcos it was a third party insured car, they could not make a claim on theft cover. The question on the wife’s lips in the court was ‘who sold or stole the wedding car’? They are still in court struggling to part ways.

Let’s understand God’s purpose for bringing us together and not going to church and be deceiving ourselves, redefining the concept of marriage apart from God’s original plan. Sometimes we confuse God by making too many demands on Him. ‘God, I want a woman with big back or big ‘chests’ or both. Either that or a woman with a good character in addition to good cooking skills and bla bla bla and at the end of the day we confuse God with what exactly we want…oh God, we are sorry; forgive us our trespasses even though most of us don’t forgive those who trespass against us.

It’s Fridayyyyy and remember: ‘Nothing you do today is for free – whether good or bad….Just do it but make sure it serves others, not only you! What’s that? Hahaaaaa!

Columnist: Mawuli Zogbenu