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'You can’t kill the devil'

Mawuli Zogbenu 1212.jpeg Mawuli Zogbenu is the author

Fri, 24 Feb 2023 Source: Mawuli Zogbenu

‘Go and bring the tongue of a female lion that is roaming in the jungle and all your problems would be solved’. You know the female lion is stronger than the male one. The female does most of the preying and hunting. That does not mean that you should go and be shaking hands with the male lion and be greeting him: ‘Uncle Lion, please how are you?’ o.

‘Add 2 teaspoonful urine from the cockroach and the bile from a live crocodile! I tell you all your problems would vanish and you would be rich’. ‘Go and stand on top of the mountain with a cutlass and be cutting the devil into pieces’.

Let the machete be sharp enough so it can kill the devil once and for all’. ‘If you want to go into an election and win as an assembly man, all you need to do is to bring 4 eggs laid by a mosquito that has a lot of hips’! Eish! In all of these, some ‘enlightened’ people still believe it would work.

Nothing is easy, not even studying home economics as indicated by a celebrity on radio recently. Listen again o: ‘Home Economics’! you think anything about ‘Economics’ is easy er; even the ‘Home’! My late father used to say that anytime you have especially a medical condition and you consult the oracles and they tell you that it is the spirit of ancestors who are the cause, you are safe.

All you need is schnapps and some fried eggs with vegetables in it and you would be fine. If the oracles tell you that it is because you have offended the gods and so bring a bottle of akpeteshie to appease the gods, you are safe.

But if they tell you that the cause of your problem is a human being? Hehehehehe! There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. When you do well, hei! When you don’t, hei! Human beings? I am one of them. Why do people go to church? Not because of snakes, wolves and lions o, but because of fellow human beings.

We are bad, herh! Anyway, it started from the days of Cain and Abel though one would have expected that the New Testament following Jesus’ emergence was going to change us but we hold tightly to the Mosaic laws and still call ourselves Christians. Tit-for-tat nkoaaa! Skin pain through the roof! Lord God have mercy on us!

So you think someone else is responsible for your problems so they ask you to go and look for Ada salt. Your enemy (devil) also has the salt some wae. Sometimes it makes me think Jesus was born in Ada. Almost every man or woman of God who claims to have some supernatural powers would ask you to go and look for Ada salt. For what? I don’t know.

Looks to me that there is too much knowledge than wisdom hence the reason many of us don’t seem to be making progress in many areas. Almost everyone has knowledge acquired from MBA degrees but when it comes to the application of wisdom? Lailai! Maybe 40% of us! Abeg, I am just being diplomatic and generous by stating 40%. But in reality? kpaooo!

Lent started last Wednesday and those I have seen with the ashes on their foreheads paaa, ei, Yesu! Some of them including me, need some more orientation on the concept of ‘Christian’ in practice and not just in name.

A couple of years ago, I was in an elevator at Koale Boo descending from the 6th floor. On board the elevator was a corpse. The man died fresh! Oh I felt sorry for the family as they rather descended the stairways going to await the body downstairs. I was not comfortable standing by a corpse in an enclosed space! I thought I was the only uncomfortable one.

Suddenly the lights went off and we got stuck on the 4th floor! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee’! Please jokes aside, it was no child’s play. We were stuck in for about 33 minutes…Come and see prayers… ‘Jesus…Jesus…Jesus!...’ Even a jujuman on board started screaming ‘Jesus… Jesus… Jesus…!’

It was even louder when somebody coughed and it echoed in the dark elevator. We were not sure who coughed; could it be the corpse and thoughts of this even made the jujuman scream louder… ‘Son of God, Jesus, rescue us…’ . Saadziwa!

Hmmmmmmmm!, was the sigh of relief that greeted all ‘passengers’ when we were eventually evacuated. That was when I asked the jujuman: ‘Amega, why didn’t you call on gbagbladza knowing you are a fetish priest’? and his response was: ‘Ei my brother, the thing wey happen no be gbagbladza matter ooo’…

There is sugar cane in the fridge…go and chew some er! Those days that I used to break sugar cane with my wrist in a competitive game…hmmm! I was a Champion in this game.

George Kwashi, I don’t even know where you are now…George always misled me to go break sugar cane and I gave up the ‘act’ in the late 80s. Me again? Never!

The boys had converged at the popular video centre joint. The die was cast. I had a faction supporting me. Another faction was supporting Papavi, my opponent. The sugar cane was brought.

In fact, though an undefeated Champion for a long time, the ‘temperament’ of the sugar cane this time scared me! It looked hard with the joints not too far from each other. It appeared it was cultivated in a rocky area – very hard and dry!

My opponent tried breaking it with his wrist and failed 2 times. Being the champion, nothing less was expected from me apart from victory. But I was scared small oo. One section of the audience started shouting ‘ oh he cannot, he cannot, Mawuli cannot break it this time round’.

Another devilish section chanted ‘Here comes the champion Mawuli, the sugar cane breaker’. There is none like him’. In fact at this point I didn’t know who was interested in my instant death and who wasn’t.

Be careful who sings praises about you as much as you should be careful about the ones who dare you.

Well, one…two…three….kraaaaa! Sugar cane refused to break. I felt the pain on my wrist very sharply but I persevered. The chants continued ‘Oh he cannot’ ‘No he can’…on and on it went.

The second attempt…one…two…three….kraaaa! There it was, the stubborn sugar cane was broken by the Champion Mawuli. Time for celebration…but it was shortlived!

Typically, I would have been at the point of contest to brag about my feat. But this time round, I left the scene immediately looking for the nearest corner to go and hide and cry…these idiots who were sure I was hurt followed me to the corner to see my ‘actual’ reactions…

I only understood why Jesus refused to listen to the Devil when He (Yesu) was tempted by the Devil to jump from a height! My career in sugar cane breaking contests ended in 1988.

This life no balance koraa. I am the only one in my neighbourhood connected to a 3-phase meter yet anytime there is a problem with our lines, all those on single phase meters have light and me of all people with 3-phase meter, I don’t get light! This is spiritual, I bet.

Of late, I have been observing something – looks like the number of church goers [mind you, not Christians] is diminishing. I may be wrong but some notable friends of mine have stopped going to church. You call them at 9am expecting that they would be in church. For where? People are beginning to deal directly with God without any middle-man or middle-woman! Well, maybe I am seeing something some people may not be seeing.

If you are far from God, the devil gets closer and then you run back to the same God for solutions to fight the devil – what a reactive strategy! Fighting the devil, in my opinion, is like having a cough syrup; it will only temporarily relieve you of your pain but... Problem [devil] no dey finish! Looks like I am preaching to myself again o. Hahaaaaa!

I used to attend some church bi like that. They call themselves ‘Prayer Warriors’. Azey, konkonsa be what! They stylishly expose the ills of their friends in the church. ‘Beloved, Cynthia our sister has suddenly fallen out of love from Brother Jacob all bcos of the last failed abortion that resulted in she giving birth to that moron two months ago. Yes, the Bible says in Proverbs chapter ‘whine whine’ that ‘God forgives the sinner’.

They were unmarried but fornicating. Let us pray so that God will intervene and bring them back together again and at the end of the day, the glory will be given to God. Let’s pray…pray….pray!!!’ Ao! I say prayyyyyyyyyyy…. God be with us all! Amen!

Columnist: Mawuli Zogbenu