Last week, my article entitled “Finding a Genuine Ghanaian Woman for Love is Difficult!” got mixed reviews, with some readers accusing me of telling women how to adorn themselves, although a percentage of readers also agreed that some of our women have gone too far in copying Western values, including these women’s overdependence on, or use of, fake accessories and accoutrements that I discussed in the article. In all honesty, the article was not meant to demean Ghanaian women at all, but it was meant to bring into the open a vital issue that surfaces often around dinner tables, barber shops, offices and other places of interest, both in Ghana and overseas. What we got from readers were several opinions that taught many of us a few lessons about women’s decisions regarding these fake items that are supposed to enhance their appearance.
This time, however, and in order to be fair to our ladies, I have decided to tackle the bossiness and vainness of Ghanaian men, and how these men’s negative attitudes and beliefs are partly to blame for what the women do to their bodies and therefore their self-esteem. Take those male Ghanaian musicians who bleach their faces and wear Jerry curls, for example. What exactly is their motivation for doing so? My guess is that they want to be Michael Jackson-lookalikes, but this is a result of low self-esteem as well. So, it is not only Ghanaian women who suffer from low self-esteem, the men do as well. I believe that anyone who changes his appearance drastically is crying inside for urgent help and attention, but with today’s (March 23, 2009) report on www.ghanaweb.com that almost 40-percent of Ghanaians have some type of mental disorder, one is left to assume that many of us are surely mentally ill.
Another problem we face in Ghana is that some of these male musicians glorify light-complexioned women in their songs, and in so doing, they knowingly or unknowingly put pressure on the dark-complexioned females to change their skin tone. We live in a world where what we see, hear and read about all affect our perceptions, so to think that these musicians cannot influence many women is childish talk. Again, I call on these musicians, who themselves have self-esteem issues, to understand that there is nothing naturally glorifying about light-complexioned women, so to refer to them as trophy wives or girlfriends only exposes these songwriters’ own need for mental help. When did the beautiful dark skin, with its natural protection against cancer-causing rays of the sun, become such a burden? Can we build more mental hospitals and train more psychiatrists, since we have just been told that the country has only four psychiatrists who are practicing their craft within the civil service?
Much more disturbing is the idea, because Ghanaian men tend to be the primary providers, that these men can take as many wives as they want. I used to know a beautiful lady in Sakumono Estates who agreed to be a much older man’s second (or third?) wife, just because he was able to buy her a car and one of those houses at Sakumono Estates. Jeez! Why settle for a mediocre life with a man who treats you with very little respect, since he has basically “purchased” you? Why settle down with a man knowing fully well that he will come over only when his other two wives are likely not available for sex? I call on women to shun these temporary pleasures and work hard to uplift themselves economically and, in so doing, they will find men who have eyes for only one woman at a time. It is about demanding and getting the respect these women deserve. Our women are dealing with high blood pressure every day, because their unfaithful but arrogant boyfriends and husbands are shamelessly chasing other women right before their eyes! If this situation is not disrespectful to our women, then may we all start visiting our few psychiatric hospitals immediately.
Also, let us consider Ghanaian men who directly order their women to go bleach their faces, carry out breast enhancements, lose weight or gain weight (depending on the level of the man’s insanity or cockiness or lack of respect for his woman), or wear fake fingernails and hair. Of all these requests, the hardest that a woman can comply with is the issue of weight, since either losing weight or deliberately piling on the pounds requires time and an enormous amount of effort. It is painful to know that many men have thrown their wives out of their matrimonial homes because of the perception that these women had gained too much weight over the years. But, truthfully, do these illiterate and semi-literate men know that after giving birth to two, three or even seven children, that women may likely not be able to regain their pre-motherhood sizes again? When a woman gets pregnant, the hormones in her body cause her to pile on the pounds. This is a natural process that helps the fetus to grow properly. So, why throw out a woman who went through so much physical pain to bear children for an otherwise ungrateful man?
In all, Ghanaian men are inconsiderate, bossy and stagnant in their worldviews. The world is changing fast and marriage should be seen more as an equal partnership, rather than a one-dimensional relationship with the man at the top of the pyramid of family life. Our women are not our servants and the earlier we started treating them like we would our own mothers, the better it will be for our society. Unless we teach our sons to respect women – not only their mothers and sisters, but other women that they meet outside the home as well – we cannot break this archaic habit of male dominance that has ruined so many Ghanaian lives and homes. Ghanaian men, please wake up and smell the coffee! You are not gods ruling over your families!
Kwabla Vogah, a very concerned citizen of Ghana, can be reached at kwablavogah@hotmail.com.
