Kay Ob during his Basic Training in 2014
Ten years ago today I moved from Ghana to the UK. What was supposed to be a simple and smooth journey into the British Army started going very very wrong.
I had a fair idea what I wanted to do here, but with time, I realised things weren't going to be exactly as linear as I had planned or thought it, I needed the right information, and loads of it, I needed money, something I didn't bring much, 600 quid was all I had on me when I landed at Heathrow, I needed people--I needed help.
One of the biggest mistakes a lot of immigrants make when travelling out of their home countries is to have their lives all planned out in their minds, in a diary, and in their conversations, I didn't factor in the culture shock, the weather, the loneliness of the busy streets of London, I was making quick decisions as the problems trickled in thick and fast, I wasn't sleeping properly, my immigration status about running out meant I was on edge half the time, I risked plunging myself into morbid depression, and I didn't even see the grave danger my mental health was in.
One day, at the GP's office in Lewisham, a very wonderful and compassionate Dr Selvanathan took a long and hard look at me, he had listened to my winding and moaning about my headaches and sleepless nights for nearly half an hour. He took blood pressure readings and just sighed and shifted in his chair. I'll never forget what the man said to me, he said that my high BP readings were self-inflicted--because I was worrying over a lot of things I clearly didn't have control over. Was I really worrying that much? I asked myself. I came out of his office, jumped on bus 273 towards Petts Wood to go back to Burnt Ash/Lee road, unlucky for me my oyster card had run out of money, I just got off the bus and walked the whole way back home, on a cold and wet Spring morning...
Ten years down, I've learnt so much, seen a lot and experienced a lot.
Today I'd share with you some of the very important things I've learnt in a decade. I don't know who you are reading this, it might help someone who is going to make same life-changing decisions I made when I started out.
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1. Not everyone you would meet in life is your 'friend', learn to use that word sparingly.
2. Be respectful of the laws of the land you'd find yourself in, learn as much as you can about the ways of its people, the culture, nuances, semantics, be nice when people are nice to you. Don't take things for granted.
3. Learn to continually invest; invest in yourself, invest in your environment, invest in quality education, in your future, you will not see it now, but, it pays off.
4. The world is not fair you say? So what exactly are you going to do about it?
5. Be appreciative and grateful for the little things. Life can be really simple.
6. It's okay to change your mind every now and then. Don't be stuck in your old ways.
7. Learn to manage your expectations, no one owes you anything in this life, the whole world can't be against you, but your mind would sometimes make you think this is actually the case.
9. Confidence can be taught, you are what you think.
10. Do everything in your power and all you can with your might to mind your business. It's just the way life is. If they don't tell you don't ask, if they are brave to tell you respect yourself and keep it quiet.
11. If you believe in prayer, please, pray. There's more to life than you see.
12. Like attracts like, observe the people you surround yourself with, be intentional and picky on who and what you let into your physical and spiritual space.
13. This last one is very important, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."
