Useless Column: 'It is itching me'

On a more serious note, the smaller pocket inside the front pocket of jeans trousers nu, what exactly is its primary use? Yesterday, I had that problem again after passing water by the roadside and attempting to zip up. I was doing two things at the same time – attempting to put my phone into that small pocket and, at the same time, trying to zip up thereafter. The zip held the skin of the distin and catch am. My eyes turned red. Going up becomes a problem, so is going down. Hmmmm!

If you have a teenage boy child, find a stylish way of knowing whether ‘he is standing well on his feet’; male reproductive health is as important as female reproductive health. This is necessary for continuous existence. On the other hand, if you have a teenage girl, find a nice way of checking what she has on her smartphone and whether she has started being paid ‘naturally’. For the girls, let their mothers check and, for the boys, observe how they pass water – whether they point the wee-wee instrument into the air – for fun.

Charlie, Freddie, the thing pascal o! Hehehehehehe! A Pandora’s box has been opened and some men are beginning to tremble when they remember the ‘manifestoes’ they whispered into the ears of ladies during that period of sweetness. It’s about time we took stock! The good news is that, in my own case, I only owe someone a home-used deep freezer I promised her. She wanted to use it to sell frozen chicken, and I promised her at that time that the sweetness level was high. I didn’t have tiiin in my bank account.

The good news for me is that she now owns a large cold store she put together on her own. Lucky me. Clap for every woman who is focused! They don’t rely on men to make a living. Or else, by now, hehehehe! You don’t have kapr3, sempua or daama, yet you want to buy a fridge! This weekend, go sweet rough! At least, the pressure on guest houses and movie houses will reduce small because most people are yet to be paid their salaries, unlike most Friday nights when these places are fully booked.

You pass here, no space. You pass there, no space! Ah! The problem is that some of us, including me, don’t learn from other people’s problems. If you have not been ‘cot’ yet, just pray against being caught. Korjo, I know you are not more morally correct than anyone! It is only the mercy of God that your own scandal has not come out yet; pray it doesn’t and repent because ‘Sin fascinates and assassinates’! You are lucky the one you went in for is a more mature person who understands and respects your family and did not want to scatter your home! To show appreciation to her, abeg, this month’s salary, give her 50% as your private tithe!

I told you the first time I swam in the Atlantic Ocean was during my national service days in 2001. I nearly drowned after getting drunk from a fruit juice my friends secretly laced with alcohol, knowing very well I don’t take alcohol. Talk about friends? Subject for discussion on another day! After sipping the fruit juice, the feeling was so good. All of a sudden, I became so excited and started dancing to any music that did not even concern me. When I moved one leg, the other one was heavy and refused to move. Then I dived into the ocean. Only God saved me o. If someone may be ‘cot’ drowning, make sure it is not you in an ad hoc ‘cotship.’

That is why, by the special grace of God, guest houses are likely to record low patronage this weekend because ‘we are afraid’ and currently taking stock of our ‘previous manifestoes’ coming back to haunt us.

Looks like most men can’t see well when broke and in times of difficulty o. Is it ‘glaucoma’, cataract or peer pressure? When things improve small norrr, our distins begin to itch! You would notice that suddenly we don’t see any better domestic joy at home. Remember, your wife is the one who would genuinely pray for you to succeed. But the moment you begin to entertain other women who would come your way p3, chances are that your wife’s protruding front and back will not be seen clearly again.

The joy you get from outside the home begins to take you away from home. Ei, Samivi, don’t you care about the future of your children? That other single young lady will take your joy away o, yoo. Once in a while, you can go and ‘eat’ at the movie house and pray for forgiveness! But don’t make it a hobby, as it can ruin your home and, who knows – your job! Some of the single young girls some men date actually would have loved marriage to you, especially if the unnecessary relationship lasts for three months plus and is sweet! Wait a minute o, I hope I am not the one writing this o, or? It’s the weekend and it’s time to take it easy on ourselves. Don’t kill yourself because of problems. They won’t stop coming, but we can control that thing in between our thighs; it doesn’t have sense, especially because of its MoU with the eyes and what they see!

To my nieces, don’t accept that ‘it shall be well’ national anthem from guys who come your way when they are already broke. Chances are that the majority of them will not remember you when it ‘becomes well’, and you may not be able to do them anything.

One of the things I could not and still cannot talk about in the presence of my parents or siblings is anything about sex. Dondy is that my friend who, in analysing his achievements when he is feeling bored, starts writing in his old diaries the names of all the ladies he has done something sweet with before. If the number is 38, he would give himself two weeks to hit the target of 40! He started with a target of 20! Now he is seriously struggling with HIV! The thing still dey o; don’t jeopardise the future of your children and other people who depend on you.

Sex education was not included in our curriculum those days, and nobody taught me, but I managed to learn it on my own! The things we are not taught, we learn on our own and mostly the wrong way.

Have a nice weekend, and remember not to be too humble; people will take advantage of you. Once in a while, be rude.