Dear nephews and nieces,
It is often said of the young that they are thoughtless, shortsighted, and unwilling to be advised. But you, my beloved niece, must grow up in wisdom to make rubbish of this accusation. And to make sure this happens, I send you this letter to prepare you to participate in adulthood, especially in matters of love and family whilst you spend some time in school away from me.
I understand the threat and fear of loneliness may be a factor of one jumping from one meaningless relationship to the next. I consider myself modern enough to know that we live in an age of sexual hook-up culture where dating random people we care little about is glorified in the media and on campus. But whilst series of uncommitted sexual encounters could be fun in the short run, they are in the long run detrimental to embracing adult responsibilities such as commitment to marriage/partnership, parenting, love, work, society and so on.
My nephew, if you want to overcome loneliness and leave the love wilderness in the long run, develop your own inner resources, strength and sense of direction and use this development as basis for meaningful relations with others. Without the inner resources and inner strength, you wouldn't have anything to orient yourself or fall back on when you find yourself alone and needy of attention. How do you honestly receive and give love if you lack the inner conviction of what you want and feel about your human existence?
It's a psychological fact that each one of us desires (needs) love and recognition. But it likewise remains a psychological fact that hollow people do not have a base from which to learn to love. It must especially be noted that love, contrary to what we have been misled to believe, is not a ready-made commodity that is found; it must rather be cultivated and the end product consequently has a lot to do with your psychological development, intelligence, level of spiritual maturity and personality.
My beloved, being single in advanced years certainly doesn’t feel good. But this doesn’t mean our single moments aren’t worth celebrating. Being single is not vice; it’s the greatest opportunity you have to improve yourself before that girl or guy walks into your life demanding a rearrangement of your free time. And when the time comes, only those who had made something useful out of their single lives will be able to stand the pressures of interpersonal lives
They say good partners are hard to come by. It may be the case but you, my niece, should know that you cannot see nor appreciate goodness in others if you don’t take the painful care to cultivate goodness in yourself. And goodness, as it stands, isn’t sold on the market. Cherish your solitude by using it to cultivate a godly character rooted in courage, confidence and authenticity rather than avoiding your aloneness by jumping from one meaningless relationship to the next.
So beloved nephew, thinking across the years ahead, NOW is the time to get intentional with love. NOW is the moment to start challenging yourself to be taken seriously by your unknown future partner. And never forget that the best time to work on your love (marriage/partnership/relationship) is before you have one.
With kind regards,
Uncle Dominic Mensah.
