; Religious Unacceptability, Social and Economic Effects on Spouse, and Society...
Before I lay my dispassionate disposition on what to me, clearly erodes the socio-religious integrity of our marital performances, I wish to state that this not intended to victimize friends, family and neighbours who might have fallen in the trap, mistakingly or advertently. In essence, this discourse is meant for the consumption of all including me.
In recent times, barely a week passes without myself and many others having to struggle to honour a conglomerate of wedding ceremonies in Tamale and her suburbs. As delighted as I am seeing that we're doing what (marriage) Allah encourage us to..., I equally grow in hatred, regarding the extravagance and unnecesary colorization that has become of it. Not even in my greatest ignorance would I disagree with fun and merry making during these ceremonies but my problem is the excesses.
Premising my displeasure on Islamic dictates, I want us to draw inspiration from the following verses in the Holy Qur-aan.
"The true servants of Allah are
those who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor miserly, and it (i.e. their spending) is moderate in between (the two extremes.)"
(Verse: 25:67)
"... Eat and drink and do not be extravagant. Surely, He does not like the extravagant.
(Verse: 7:31)
"...Is it honor they seek among
them? Nay,- all honor is with
Allah.." [Quran - 4:139]
Drawing comparative analogies from the way and manner we stage our wedding ceremonies these days vis a vis Allah's abhorence for extravagance, our ways are increasingly becoming unIslamic.
First, let me start with "receptions", which to me is an absolute unpproductive part of the ceremony but heralded as the most important part of it. Though I have never attended any for well scrutinized reasons, I do see pictoral displays of what happens there; and I can assure you, it is galling. It seems to be a ground to tell society how "wealthy our families are" and mock at the less privileged. The expensive VIP invitation cards, the dress code (strictly limited to color and style), the manner of dressing, the expensive foods and drinks, the splurge of cash, the partying, unisex "mingling" and many others are but a few that characterise the occassion.
Alas, it would interest you to know that it's an occasion for some special guests, which contravenes the Islamic call for social equality during marriage ceremonies. The worst of all is how the spouse, especially the bride dresses. With due respect to these people, I will not be able to show pictures here. I've seen them in those pictures dressed in a way that did not only expose their br**st and certain parts of their bodies, but also looking super artificial. In fact, some even overdecorate and look like toys.
Second, on the day of marriage and even after, the excessive noise making on our streets with fleet of borrowed and hired vehicles is exasperating. They waste so much resources and time on those "street carnivals" and disturbing public peace in the name of greeting people (Duu yibu).
Lest I forget; the manner we publisize our "Reefe" (It's a Housa term, referring to the clothing the man sends to the bride's home before the ceremony). It's has become an unhealthy competition of a sort..., perpetrated by especially the "town ladies" who with due respect don't have any idea regarding the aftermath of the ceremony. Many ladies have refused their guys because they felt they'll not be able to afford the standard of "reefe" they desire; and many guys have snatched others' lawfully "paid" women in the name of extravagant "reefe". Smh
In consequence of these and others such as dressing to epitomise Nigerian culture et al, we deviate from the religious prescriptions, defying the edicts of Allah by"unIslamizing" the ceremony, yet pretentiously go the most to seek to tie the not.
Economically, the spouse in most cases, becomes HIPC, if they were a country. It takes them months or years to defray the debts of their uninformed extravagant expenditure. This makes some to pospond a lot of expenditure, and when they bear children and still have not recovered from the economic downturn, they fail to cater for their children's educational and other needs. What you could have saved for you child's education, you wasted all in two/three days.
Socially, it has made marriage take a different dimension, leaving people who are not rich but want to do the modern day ritual with no option but to search for the money through hook and crook means. It has also accounted for many divorce instances as most of the men realize certain defects in the lady that do not reflect the spending they did to bring them home. Most of our sisters are still galavanting our streets; some reaching menopause without marriage because they want their wedding to look a "wowww"......... Alhassan Rabiu (Concern citizen) contact: 0204033054.
